If Not For Love

This song by Wayne Watson just came up on ipod shuffle yesterday. *Incredible* to ponder: What if God were NOT loving? Sobering to think about, to be sure.

Good lyrics, and the music is fantastic. Slow & moving...

With that said, freshen up your coffee & read this slowly. Especially the 2nd & 3rd verses.

You're welcome.
bb

In time, they say, all wounds will heal
But time alone would just reveal
The measure of my best intent,
How vainly it would all be spent;
Empty boxes, if not for love.

My prayer never would be heard
Appeal denied without a word
The throne room of my father's house
Closed fast, just to keep me out,
"No admission", if not for love

(Chorus:)
If not for love the godless would reign
If not for love any light would be shadow
But love was strong, revealed the plan
Man's perfect God, God's perfect man

The cross would stand alone, refused.
The Son blessed...and not accused.
The Savior never sent, blind to the world's lament
No forgiveness, if not for love.

Every school's fanbase

Every school's fanbase thinks they are the morally pure & superior ones on the college football landscape.

Every school's fanbase thinks their home gameday experience is the best and that all rational, objective people agree with them.

Every school's fanbase thinks they are gracious toward visiting fans, unlike the other teams' fans.

Every school's fanbase thinks they are classy, unlike those other teams' fans.

Every school's fanbase thinks the refs are out to deny them their rightful victory, and that the refs are clearly longtime supporters of the other team.

Every school's fanbase thinks that it's only the other teams' fanbases that are obnoxious drunks at games.

Every school's fanbase thinks their fight song & alma mater evoke tearful reverence, whereas every other team's fight song & alma mater sounds like music that clowns juggle to. (Full disclosure: this particular one is flagrantly stolen & paraphrased from Chad Gibbs' book, God & Football)

Every school's fanbase marvels that any good high school player would even consider going anywhere else.

Every school's fanbase is amazed that (a) they're not ranked in the top 25...top 10...#1 (b) if they are ranked in the top 25...top 10...#1, they're amazed that anyone would question what is clearly the correct ranking.

Every school's fanbase knows that their school colors are just beautiful, whereas the other teams' colors look like a 2-year-old got hold of the crayon box again.

Every school's fanbase thinks their tailgating experience is the best.

Every school's fanbase would read this saying "Yep, that's how those other fans are."

Every school's fanbase has great folks who are rational & reasonable about their team & about sports in general.

And every school's fanbase has other folks who are so very often like the north end of a south-bound horse.

The former group of folks admits they have the latter; the latter deny that they themselves exist.

bb - Romans 12:18

A Faithful Man (2 Timothy 2:2)

I really love college students. Being around them every day is one of the best parts of the professor gig. It makes me feel young(er)...it gives me hope for the future...and they're just plain fun!

However, I am also burdened for college students. Have been for some years now.

We parents really like to think that our children have all of their spiritual convictions & their lifestyle & their behaviors nailed down before they graduate from high school. We like to think that 18 years of living under our roof has landed all of that.

According to statistics, we are wrong.

To be sure, our impact as parents is HUGELY important. CRITICAL to shaping our children's worldview & lifestyle. We have the great responsibility and great joy and great challenge of trying to guide our children's views on life & faith & behavior.

But stastically, it is between age 18 & 24 that the vast majority of people make three VITAL decisions that shape the rest of their life:
--spouse
--career
--values

Once again...hear this, parents!...between the ages of 18 and 24.

This reality has haunted me, cost me sleep, and driven me to prayer many times since I first ran across it some years back.

That is why I am so very thankful for those who do the incredibly difficult, messy, time-consuming job of connecting with and ministering on college campuses. Who love on young men & women in the midst of them working through those gigantic life-shaping decisions. That's a slice of the ministry harvest field that wears out & runs off many a gifted minister.

Which is why I am SO VERY GRATEFUL for the life & ministry of my buddy Lloyd Lunceford.

Lloyd is the director of the Baptist Student Union at the University of Southern Mississippi. Over the past 20 years, Lloyd has connected with, encouraged, challenged, equipped, loved on, cried with, prayed for & with, welcomed, and sent out countless students all over the world. (Literally all over the world!)

This afternoon, a number of folks will come back to USM for a football game against Marshall. But a bunch of them will gather at the BSU to honor 20 years of faithful, God-honoring ministry that is impacting the campus and world for Christ. I'll be there too.

Lloyd is one of my best friends on the planet. You know those very few friends you have to with whom you can share the depths of your heart & soul? Who know things about you that would raise eyebrows if they were broadcast, but you have no fear of them being broadcast? Around whom you can be completely yourself without having to be nervous? Lloyd's one of those guys in my life.

I'm so very grateful that Lloyd's ministry journey which previously had him living in East Asia for several years brought him to USM no long after I took a professor job on campus. (He still speaks the language he learned there fluently...I'll come back to that).

Much of what I know about ministering to/with college students, I learned from Lloyd. Much of my own passion for world missions, I learned from Lloyd. Grace toward those who hold to a different worldview, while still holding firmly to my own? Yep. Passion for students of all stripes? Yep. Priorities ordered by faith and by the Gospel? Learned that from Lloyd too. Integrity? Being "missional"? Check. Much of that learned from Lloyd.

For some years now, I've had the *great* privilege of being a small part of Lloyd's ministry as treasurer of the BSU advisory committee.

You know what Lloyd wants people to do to honor him? It's not writing blog entries like this one...and it's not vacation time...and it's not financial bonuses. He is ALL about helping students be financially able to go overseas on mission trips.

I personally know of a BUNCH of students & USM alums whose first taste of missions was as part of the USM BSU. Where will you spend this Christmas? I know where Lloyd will be; he'll be in China with a group of students, where he's been for the last several Christmases.

Lloyd is passionate about several things, but mostly about equipping men & women for world missions. And there are people living now or who have lived all over the world whose life path was set by God when they passed through the orbit of Lloyd Lunceford.

Congrats, Lloyd, on 20 years of amazing, fruitful, high-impact ministry. Thanks for letting me be part of it! Thanks also for all the cups of coffee, meals, prayers, chats, challenges, words of wise counsel, and encouragement. Thanks for letting our Lord use you so mightily in the lives of so many in so many parts of the world. Only eternity will show the full impact of what our Lord has done through you and your time at USM.

I love you, Bro!
Mike
2 Timothy 2:2

p.s. - Want to be part of something HUGE? Make your check out to: Mississippi Baptist Foundation. In the memo line write: Lloyd Lunceford student missions fund. Mail your check to Mississippi Baptist Foundation; P.O. Box 530; Jackson, MS 39205.

3 Professors

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away...

I was an undergrad student at Alabama. Still desperately trying to find my groove academically (although I had made progress on that front in JuCo in FL). Still recovering from the devastating embarrassment of my near-total lack of success at my first college. Still sorting through the self-created wreckage of my faith, though embers of re-ignited flames were beginning to show.

In that setting, I had to take an operations management course. The title back then was "Production & Operations Management," and the course had a well-earned reputation for being hard. Somehow, I clicked with it. And with the professor, a guy named Johnny Charnetski. Made an A in the class, for which I was very grateful and very proud. Anyway, on a test in that class, Dr. C. wrote "Have you ever considered graduate school?" I hadn't; in fact, my first reaction was to laugh. But I began to think about, especially after following up on his comments in his office. (My question for him was basically, "Are you serious??" He said he was, and elaborated...)

In another semester or two, I took an economics elective called "Current Issues in Economics." That one I took because (a) it was a 3-week full-credit course, and (b) I had the professor before in an earlier class and like him. The professor was a guy named Ron Bird. The class was awesome! We discussed the economics of education, of sports, of labor relations,...The combo of labor & sports was a very cool discussion, since one of my classmates was playing O-Line for the Packers at the time, and was the Green Bay Packers' player rep for the NFLPA union. A day came when I stuck my head in Dr. Bird's office to check on something. He said, "Mike, have you ever thought about getting a graduate degree?" By this time, I was able to answer something like "well, I've been thinking about it." He encouraged me to pursue a graduate degree.

So, shortly after, there I was, in the Master's program in Economics at Bama. The M.A. program director also taught me macroeconomics. (best Ron White delivery: "We've met...") His name was Ted Vallery. One day, I was in his office checking on something, and he said "Mike, have you ever considered getting a Ph.D.?" After I rediscovered control of my mouth & closed it, I mumbled "no" and asked about what all is involved. He talked me through it and encouraged me to give it some thought. The irony is, I was an average student (at best!) in his class.

Thus, in about a one-year period, I went from clueless undergrad student to applying for the Ph.D. program in Financial Economics. Now, 27 years later, here I am, back in the university classroom, digging every minute of it.

All because three different professors saw something in me that I didn't see myself. They all challenged me severely in their respective classes, and then saw something in how I approached the courses. It is correct to say that all three had much to do with my education and my career choice(s).

To close, thanks Dr. C., Dr. B., & Dr. V. You guys all three made a difference to me. I hope I can inspire & encourage my students the way you three inspired & encouraged one of yours a long time ago at the University of Alabama.


Gratefully,
bb

p.s. - Dr. Vallery passed away not that long ago. I hope he knew what a difference he made in my life! I sure wish I had told him more clearly. And I'd love to know where Dr. Charnetski & Dr. Bird are. Last I knew, Dr. Bird was working w/ a think tank of some sort up around Washington, DC.

28 years ago...

...there was a small private plane that crashed shortly after takeoff in east Texas. There was this guy on the plane with two of his very young children. A singer/preacher. I'll come back to that.

Meanwhile, there was this college student in Tuscaloosa who was coming back around to his spiritual roots and was re-discovering the joy of salvation in Christ & all that meant. He had encountered a number of folks his age who were Christians & took that seriously. But the strange thing to this guy was, they were having a total blast! They laughed, they loved football games, they went to movies, they went bowling, they went swimming, they pursued those of the opposite gender...they just generally enjoyed life. One of those was this gorgeous lady from a small town in south AL with large beautiful blue eyes. She even went out with him. Repeatedly!

And thus, he had come back home to the faith he had tried to deny & abandon for several years.

But there was still one huge hurdle. He *loved* music. Good music. (Related aside: taking bad music & baptizing it & using it to sing about Jesus doesn't make it good music. Bad music is bad music, whether the subject is Jesus or one's Jeep!) This was a quandry for our young student, as it seemed that all the good music was...not worshipful, let's just say. And then he discovered a group called 2nd Chapter of Acts, and a singer named Keith Green. While he saw 2nd Ch. of Acts in concert once--which remains a spiritual high point--he discovered Keith Green's music just shortly after Keith died. In a plane crash. That plane crash in east TX.

I cannot wait until eternity to share with Keith how HUGE an impact his music had on me and my spiritual journey. I remember when a friend asked me if I had heard of him (I hadn't), and played his "23rd Psalm" for me. Instant tears. And many times since, listening to that song. I still remember the liner notes on the album for this particular song: "Can't wait to meet King David & hear how the original went"...I'm convinced the Lord let Keith hear the original in his studio & then record it on his "Songs for the Shepherd" album, which was the last "new" album Keith Green put out. It was released shortly after his homegoing.

INCREDIBLE piano playing. Great lyrics. Great sense of humor. Great passion. Tears. Righteous anger. Joy. A Prophet who sang.
"The world is sleeping in the dark that the church just can't fight, 'cause it's asleep in the light"...
"And it's only that I care; I really only want just to see you there"...
"Rushing Wind, blow through this temple, blowing out the dust within; daily change me to your image, for I've been born again"...
"All my life I had been searching for that crazy missing part, and with one touch You just rolled away the stone that held my heart; now I see that the answer was as easy as just asking You in, I am so sure, I will never doubt Your gentle touch again; it's like the power of the wind...Like waking up from the longest dream; how real it seemed, until Your love broke through"...
"Make my life a prayer to you, I wanna do what you want me to; no empty words & no white lies, no token prayers, no compromise"...
"When I stand in glory, I will see Your face, and there I'll serve my King forever in that holy place"...
"Well you can run to end of the highway, and not find what you're looking for"...
"Nothing lasts, except the grace of God by which I stand in Jesus"...

In the soundtrack of my life, the music of Keith Green, and the passion behind it, figure prominently.

I still can't believe he left us so young. And that it was 28 years ago.

This entry originated a few weeks back when I saw something about the 28th anniversary of the crash. It was finalized tonight, after the ipod shuffle feature during my drive home after class landed on, you guessed it, Keith Green's music. I listened to, worshipped with, and shed a couple of tears to Keith's 23rd Psalm. I even sang along; luckily, there will be no youtube moment of that. You're all welcome. *smile* Then the last thing I listened to, worshipped with, shed tears to, and sang along with before pulling into our driveway was his *incredible* "Grace By Which I Stand." Like many of his songs, this one's a bit autobiographical for me.

Thank You, Father, for reaching down & saving & redeeming & transforming & putting into service this hippie from southern CA some 30+ years ago. And thank You for using that hippie's life & music to re-capture & re-focus this young Univ. of Alabama student's faith. And thank you, Keith, for listening & for passionately writing & recording what you heard. I'll catch you later, on the other side. Your life mattered to so many here, Brother. I know, because I am one to whom it mattered.

Reminded that The Lord is My Shepherd, and that Nothing lasts except the grace of God by which I stand in Jesus,

bb

p.s. - Here's "Grace By Which I Stand" (note: this is the album version; it's not live, so don't worry about watching...just have a listen & enjoy!) >>>Click Here<<<.

Connecting the Dots (A short one with zero words by me...)

"Your life is much bigger than a good job, and understanding spouse, and non-delinquent kids. It is bigger than beautiful gardens, nice vacations, and fashionable clothes. In reality, you are part of something immense, something that began before you were born and will continue after you die. God is rescuing fallen humanity, transporting them into his kingdom, and progressively changing them into his likeness--and he wants you to be part of it."
Paul David Tripp
(quoted by my pastor this morning)

"We exist to proclaim good news and to practice good deeds."
Tony Merida (my pastor; from this morning's excellent sermon "Ministry and Mission"...part of a series called "Membership Matters")

"Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come, yeah!
With all creation I sing
'Praise to the King of Kings!
You are my everything,
And I will adore You'"
Jenny Riddle
(Sung @ my church this morning)

Some Challenges for this Fall...

See if you can cheer for your team without cheering against the other team.

See if you can talk calmly to fans of the other team.

See if you can praise them when their team defeats yours.

See if you can do so without making excuses. There are times when something goes amiss & costs a team a game. A bad call. A lighting issue. Sudden downpour. But those events are VERY, VERY rare. Usually, the team that plays the best on that day wins the game.

See if you can honor & respect their traditions without mocking them.

See if you can support your team as much when they don't win as when they do. (I was in Tuscaloosa when the Tide had our first losing season in decades. It was NO fun losing game after game...but OTOH, I *was* still watching football, the game I love so very dearly...and I didn't miss a game, despite expecting to lose many of them.)

See if you can always keep in mind that a college football game is, well a game...Do you & I really want to base so much of our self-worth & mood & attitude & how we treat our friends & neighbors on the outcome of a bunch of 18-22 year olds running into each other at high speeds??

See if you can be a positive, classy representative for the school(s) whose team(s) you happen to support. In other words, be that guy/lady, about whom others say "you know, if _________(your school name) had more fans like that guy/lady, I'd be more favorably disposed toward them"...

bb

p.s. - if you're wondering, I am chief of sinners here. This blog is aimed first at me; if it challenges any of the rest of you, well,...you're welcome? Sorry? *grin*

p.p.s. - Please hold me accountable for this stuff, and feel free to let me know if you hear me straying from this challenge.

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

Romans 12:18

For worse...

June 2, 1984, Gilbertown, AL:
"I, Lisa, take you, Mike, to be my wedded husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death alone shall part us."

(or words to that effect...)

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him"...Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Genesis 2:18, 24-25

We focus on "having & holding" & "better" & "richer" & "in health." As we should. Weddings should make us go "awww..."

But the other thing they should do is fill us with AWE. Awe at what we're promising. Awe that the family was the very first institution God created (NOT the church, not the government, not schools, not businesses, not cities...FAMILIES). Awe that marriage reflects in so many ways what God does in relating to us. Awe at the reality behind what the words mean that are being said.

(Related aside: Lisa & I "started a family" on June 2, 1984...four years later, we had our first child, right when we wanted to do so. Realizing that is why I *never* ask a young married couple "so, when are you going to start a family?" They did so on their wedding day; the only remaining question is, how large will that family become...)

I was presiding minister at a wedding some years back. I doubt I'll have a higher honor this side of Glory. An INCREDIBLE experience!

("So, where are you heading w/ this?" Glad you asked!) I've been thinking much on some of the pre-marital teaching the presiding pastor at our wedding shared with us in 1984. GREAT stuff! I still clearly remember him looking at me, with Lisa sitting right there in his office with me, and asking "Mike, God forbid, but what if you're pulling away from church & are in a terrible accident such that she's paralyzed from the neck down. Does that change the way you feel about her & about this marriage? If so, I'd advise you to hold off on the wedding..." An awesome, holy silence followed...I realized that there was WAY more to this marriage stuff than simply acquiring a close buddy, or sex, or another income. One word has both haunted me & challenged me about my own marriage: responsibility. After all, I repeated very similar vows myself to the ones at the beginning of this entry before God, my family, her family, our friends,...

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her...
Ephesians 5:25

There's a lot of controversy in recent years over the "wives, submit" part of Ephesians 5. I fully understand why that is; however, landing that one is not the purpose of this post. But have you read on ahead to the requirements of the very same passage for the husband? My hunch is that one of the main reasons for the pushback on the "submit" part is that we husbands are not keeping *our* part of the deal; we're not very good at "loving our wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her"...Just the one verse above haunts me & challenges me on a daily basis. I'm still *very much* a work in progress on this one myself, after 26+ years of working on it...

Sometimes, marriage involves all giggles & grins for decades on end. But frankly--and with apologies to my newly- & nearly-married friends--that is the VERY RARE exception. Sure, there are those giggles & grins times, where you just can't imagine more pleasing circumstances. But alas...

Sometimes, marriage involves one spouse losing a job. And having to move. And not having as much $$ as planned. And career changes. And the simultaneous GLORIOUS blessings and OVERWHELMING challenges of kids. And it always involves (eventually) not being 25 forever.

And sometimes...God forbid that this happen to you!...marriage involves things like this:

--being utterly alone in surgical waiting rooms at places like M.D. Anderson Cancer Center waiting for the nurse to step out & call your name to come see the surgeon to see how the operation went on your spouse.

(The surgery patient--me--has BY FAR the easier part of this deal, if you're wondering. Also, it frankly matters very little whether friends & family are there in the waiting room; the spouse will still feel utterly alone.)

--Sleeping on a foldout chair in a hospital room while listening to your spouse's very shallow, labored breathing along with the beeps & hisses of all of the machines he's hooked up to.

--Being awakened every couple of hours for yet another blood sugar stick & vital sign check.

--Being awakened by the sound of him not able to catch his breath & having to call for help because he's physically not able to do so.

--8-hour drives home becoming 10- & 11-hour drives because he's basically non-functional over there in the passenger seat, and yet he has to get out & walk around to keep from clotting up after surgery.

--Not freaking out when he's bazooka-barfing because of post-surgery anesthesia related effects.

--Changing surgical wound dressings.

--Pulling out pain pumps from his chest.

--Helping him wash himself because he's not able to do so on his own.

--Helping him get to bed because the pain meds made him crash while sitting on the couch watching TV

--Waiting yet again in a Dr.'s office for the latest most-important-ever scan results & hoping...

There is absolutely NOTHING romantic about any of the above. Nothing sexy or "awww" or "how sweet!" or "fun!" about them.

And yet, that's been Lisa Madaris' lot in life these last few weeks. And multiple times 2 years ago. And again 5 years ago. And there, ladies & gents, is what separates real love from squishy, romance-novel, TV love. "The Bachelorette"? Um, negative... "The Kardishians"? Please!!

The Bible speaks of three main forms of love: eros - basically, physical, romantic love, as in "erotic"; phileo - friendly, brotherly love, as in "Philadelphia - City of Brotherly Love"...and agape.

Let the word lay there a moment. AGAPE. ("ah-gah-pay" more or less). Self-sacrificing love. Love that gives, expecting nothing in return. Love that solely seeks the best for the beloved (NOT for oneself).

I'm convinced that it is the latter--agape--that is the basis for a joyful, long-lasting marriage. Note carefully: ALL ARE NEEDED! There's certainly a place for eros love in a marriage (see "Song of Solomon" for but one example of the high priority the Bible places on erotic love...and keep in mind Who it was that invented sex in the first place...it wasn't anyone in Hollywood! *smile*) And the companionship, phileo love of a spouse that enables each other to complete sentences for the other correctly is a great treasure.

But those both fade into the distance when agape love shows up. "Wow! S/he's hot!" just fails miserably when a marriage confronts, say, stage IV metastatic melanoma. "S/he's my best friend" just will not get one through those long nights in the hospital...or at home during recovery.

On June 2, 1984, when Lisa & I made vows to each other in the church there in Gilbertown, AL, we didn't have a clue. Note: the list of topics about which I had not a clue was very long then...and is still long now...but "love"--especially agape love--was right up there toward the top of the list back then.

Now, I know a bit more about it. Because I have seen it. Lived it. Received it. From one who will be TERRIBLY embarrassed at this blog entry. She would say she's just doing what loving wives do. Duty. I disagree. I've received "duty" too, and it feels just like someone doing their duty. Duty is fine and is needed, but it is NOT agape love. Receiving self-sacrificing, agape love like I have received feels entirely different.

To wind this up, if any of you want to see agape love, don't look to me as the example. Rather, look to my bride. You'll have to watch closely, as she does her thing out of public view mostly. And as you watch, note the loving, joy-filled smile on her face. There, my friends, is what love looks like.

I, among men, am so very blessed and grateful that my Lord drew me to my wife in the early 1980s. And I am still amazed that He drew her to me, with my many & manifest issues then. And now. And I am humbled beyond measure that He has put in my home one of the great examples of agape love that I've ever seen. And I hope she's nearly finished having to do the yucky stuff...here's to years of love that doesn't require any more of all that she's had to give these last few years.

Deeply in love & receiving amazing love,
Mike

p.s. - "not good for man to be alone"...ESPECIALLY true of this man! *smile*

On the Goodness of God in the MIdst of Stage IV Cancer...

12 surgical scars. 4 surgeries (well, 8, if you consider that the first go-round in 2005 involved a tumor resection, a skin graft, & two different lymph node removals all @ the same time...).

Two cycles of high-dose immunotherapy. Approximately 14 P.E.T. scans. Multiple MRIs. Two needle biopsies (*Zero* fun!). MRAs. EKGs. EEGs. Echo stress tests. Seemingly gallons of blood drawn.

The repeated, faithful, prayers of MANY wonderful saints. I'll come back to that...

And then this: "Your P.E.T. scan is normal"..."You're doing *great*"..."Nothing shows on your P.E.T. scan"...

And this, from my surgeon, Dr. Mehran: "So, Mr. Madaris, you no longer have need of my services. Go home & resume your normal life..."

Statistically, I am an extreme outlier. Metastatic melanoma is one of the worst forms of cancer. Stage IV metastatic melanoma is, literally, the worst of the worst. One of my MDA Drs. told me I was "living outside the numbers." One of the NPs told me they refer to me as the "miracle patient."

All of which leads me back to the goodness of God.

God has been *AMAZINGLY* good to me. Lisa & I are delighted that He has chosen to use some excellent physicians, nurses, & techs here in town and out at M.D. Anderson to bring me back to "cancer-free" again. Not sure I'd go with "miraculous," but at the very least, that I'm still here is beating the odds.

That's the easy side of God's goodness. But what about in June, 2008, when one of those Doctors said "you have multiple tumors in both lungs...stage IV metastatic melanoma"? Please read carefully: God was good to me then too! Equally good back then in Dr Kim's office as He was last Tuesday in Dr. Mehran's office. That is hard for us to get our earthly, finite minds around. And it is also absolutely critical for us to get into our minds and our theology! God's goodness is not determined nor judged by circumstances we might deem "favorable."

A long time ago, this guy encountered many situations at once that created massive suction for his earthly life. His wife ridiculed his faith & told him to "curse God & die." His response is for the ages, and has been so very helpful to me these past, well, 5 years since my initial diagnosis and especially these last 2 years of stage IV: "Shall we receive good from God and not evil?" and "The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." and "I know that my Redeemer lives, and at the last He will stand upon the earth..."

Here's what my beloved Lisa said last Tuesday. (She was at work, & thus sent this as a text) "May we remember in the sunshine what God has taught us in the storm..."

Has it ever occurred to you that it may well be because of God's goodness that He causes/allows really yucky stuff to come to our lives?

Let me say that again: Has it ever occurred to you that it may well be because of God's goodness that He causes/allows really yucky stuff to come to our lives?

I would NOT have chosen cancer. Not even once, but especially not twice. And DEFINITELY not stage IV metastatic melanoma.

But Oh. My. Goodness. The lessons we have learned in this storm!! Without presuming upon God's providential ordering of history & of Mike Madaris' life, it's quite likely that I would not have learned some of the sweetest, most treasured theological truths of my Christian life apart from the blessing that came to me in the form of the storm of stage IV metastatic melanoma.

Painful? Absolutely! Even now, as I type, I'm feeling a little pain around my most recent surgery site. And the physical pain is but one aspect. A friend who is a survivor of a very nasty cancer herself recently said this: "I'm excited about going to heaven, but I don't want to leave my spouse & my children yet." Couldn't have said it better than that myself! So, yeah, these past 5 years have brought a LOT of intense pain, physical & otherwise. Especially these last two years...

Worth it? ABSOLUTELY!! Please know that answer doesn't come easily nor flippantly. Many an hour spent in prayer, in anguish of soul, in pain--physical & otherwise, in tears, in terror, in thought, & in the Bible lie behind it. I read a book a couple of years ago written by a guy whose wife died slowly & painfully of cancer; he titled the book Celebrating the Wrath of God. VERY challenging read...and concept. C.S. Lewis said it this way (paraphrased): "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world” Exactly. I know SO much more now about my Lord and my own sin and prayer and agape love and the indescribable treasure of my redemption in Christ than I know in October, 05, right before this journey started. Lisa has said the same thing. Again, see her quote above.

About the prayer thing...among the MANY totally-humbling aspects of this glorious, hellacious journey, there's the reality of the grace of God demonstrated through the prayers on my behalf of so many saints. Some of whom--many of whom, actually--I'll likely never meet this side of glory. But they...you...have faithful and passionately interceded before God on my behalf. One day...maybe...I'll not choke up instantly when someone says "I've been praying for you!" Or when someone is introduced to Lisa or me & says the same thing.

If you're looking for a nice, tidy theological tidying up of the challenge of God's sovereign providence & its relationship to the prayers mentioned here...keep looking. All I know is this: God IS sovereign and good and in control, and nothing catches Him by surprise...and He calls us to pray and intercede for others...and I was given what's mighty close to a death sentence 2 years ago...., and many interceded on my behalf...and I am now cancer-free.

To all who have bombarded the throneroom of glory & Him Who sits on that throne on our behalf, well,...there's not a good enough phrase or word in the English language. Three things to you from the depths of my soul: (1) THANK YOU!!!!! (2) Lisa & I love you! (3) Only eternity will clearly show the difference your prayers made. So PLEASE keep praying on behalf of others! Scripture says it avails much, so keep on asking!

To all who have mowed my yard or brought us a meal or taught my Sunday School class or covered my office hours & classes or loved on & encouraged my children & Lisa & written & commented here & via email & facebook...and to those whose cars we have driven out to Houston...and whose gas cards we have used...and whose homes we have invaded...you have done it unto the least of these; therefore, you have done it unto the Lord, Whose hands & feet & love we have basked in through you.

So, yes...God has been good to us. Always. I am delighted to be cancer-free! (Now if this post-op recovery would go ahead & become complete...*smile*) But were I NOT cancer-free, please know that would NOT dimish the goodness of Jehovah Shammah, the Lord Who is Present (one of my favorite names of God in Scripture).

It has been and will continue to be my prayer that God would magnify Himself through me in the midst of this situation. Join me in that prayer, won't you?

With humbly-thankful, rejoicing love,
Mike

p.s. - I'll leave you with one of my very favorite passages in all of Scripture; this has become my life passage these last couple of years. Enjoy!
For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair...So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:6-8, 16-18

Some Things the VAST Majority of the Population of the Globe Doesn’t Care About in the Slightest…

--Who is ranked #1 in the various preseason college football polls

--Whether Brett Favre will play football this year

--Who Justin Beiber is

--Whether the Jets & Darelle Revis will reach agreement on a contract for this year

--Whether Alabama can repeat as BCS National Champions

--The probability of USM beating USC in the season opener

--Jeremiah Misoli’s prospects for his season as an Ole Miss Rebel

--How Brantley will do as QB for the Tebow-less UF Gators

--Tiger Woods

--Oak Grove…Petal…Sumrall…PCS…and their respective sports teams & records

--Whether a particular church sings mostly hymns or choruses in its worship services

--Which political party maintains or establishes a majority in this Fall’s U.S. Congressional elections

--Sean Hannity…Rachel Maddow…Rush Limbaugh…Keith Olberman…or anything they have to say

--The BCS or any college football playoff proposal

--Where LeBron & Shaq now live & play

--Whether the Saints can repeat

--Who is in any sport’s Hall of Fame

--What Mike Madaris thinks or writes or teaches about anything

(I’ll add more later…in fact, I could see this becoming an open, ongoing thread of discussion)

Avery Willis

Dr. Avery Willis went to be with Jesus a couple of days ago.


I never met the man. But in terms of impacting my life in gigantic & significant ways, Avery Willis is right up there very near the top of the list.


He captured some of his missionary experiences in discipling others years ago into a process he called "Masterlife." When Lisa & I took it, it was two reddish notebooks. Now, it's four thinner notebooks.


It is via his "Masterlife" that Avery Willis changed my life in HUGE ways, including changing my work, my prayerlife, my Bible study--which later became my Bible teaching--my family life, my church membership, my missions involvement,...really & truly, the entire trajectory of all that is Mike Madaris was radically transformed nearly 20 years ago via Masterlife. I will never be the same, and I am eternally grateful.


I still remember when my buddy Dr. Johnny Mayfield collared me outside of church about a year after we joined. "Me & Sandy are starting a small group up to work through Masterlife; you & Lisa need to be in it..." There wasn't really a question asked, which will not be surprising to all who know Doc. *smile* Important note: Johnny is a veterinarian. Not a minister. I'll come back to that.


And thus, there we were just a few weeks later sitting in a small room with several other couples, wondering what this "Masterlife" was all about. For me, it was the perfect storm: SUPERB discipleship material in the hands of a remarkable, passionate, gifted shepherd, with the Lord nudging & wooing my heart that it was time to stop playing church & time to start following Christ. James was just a baby, & Anne wasn't here yet.


So, Lisa & I spent a couple of hours a week in small group for the better part of a year. And I can't say this often enough--the entire course of my life changed during that time.


My prayer life changed...


A significant spiritual high point in my whole life was the part of Masterlife where we all spent three hours in prayer alone. An amazing experience! Plus, for the first time ever, I kept a prayer journal with specific requests over which I prayed regularly. Many of which I saw God answer. Prayer became so much more than "God bless us every one" or "I hope my team wins" or "thank you for this food, and wow, is she hot!" Prayer became an intimate experience of communicating with & listening to Him Who loved me & gave Himself up for me. And He *always* answers prayer; sometimes He says "yes"...sometimes He says "no"...sometimes he says "not yet"...Whatever the answer, I trust in His amazing grace & goodness & sovereignty.


My love of & understanding of the Bible changed...


We were required to memorize two verses of Scripture a week. I doubted I could do it; I was wrong. Well, I was right that I couldn't do it, but God enabled me to get it done. I learned how to read a passage inductively, taking it seriously and letting it speak for itself (what a concept, huh?). I learned that there's so much of Scripture that is crystal clear if we will but listen. I learned how to study in depth, and still VERY much enjoy studying a passage using only the Bible & cross references. (Commentaries are fine too, but try studying it on its own some time...) I came to greatly appreciate the unity of Scripture. One big story of God's pursuit of man...


The first time I ever shared my story on purpose was as part of Masterlife. The first time I ever shared the Gospel on purpose was as part of Masterlife. The first time I ever understood that I--a college professor in a business school of all things!--have a ministry via my job was as part of Masterlife. It was such a marvelous relevation that the elevation of the "sacred" at the expense of the "secular" (whatever those words mean) is not really part of what the Bible teaches us about our lives. My understanding of the sovereign providence of God was launched as part of Masterlife. I'm not a believer who's not quite spiritual enough to be a pastor & thus have to settle for being a professor...Rather, I am called by God to magnify His name via all of my life, including life on the college campus as a professor. (A favorite Bible stat: there's more in the words of Jesus in Scripture about practical money management & attitudes than there is about heaven & hell put together!) Remember the veterinarian? Yeah...He knows that he, too, has a ministry as part of his work; I can't tell you how many people have been encouraged, prayed for, challenged, blessed, and actually led to Christ because their dog or cat got sick. I do not have permission to be a slacker at work as long as I'm good w/ my church stuff; indeed, quite the opposite--I'm supposed to be excellent at work because I am a Christian. That's part & parcel of what it means to magnify the Lord in all of my life. (And way too often, I goof up at that particular part & parcel...)


All of those things are but part of the fruit of Dr. Avery Willis in the life of Mike Madaris. And I am but one of MANY who have been hugely impacted by Masterlife.


And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.
Luke 9:23 - the first verse we memorized in Masterlife.


By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples.
John 15:8 - another we memorized.


Thank you, Dr. Willis, for living out the reality of those two verses. I can only imagine how your fruit looks from the perspective of eternity. I trust Lisa & I have been faithful stewards of the grace you taught us from a distance. Enter into the joy of our Lord! See you later. Thanks again!


In the Grip of His grace,
Mike

Where y'at? (Short Update)

Here's where I am @ the moment on this recovery journey.

--all tubes & pain pumps & such are gone
--most bandages are gone (still some strips over the actual surgery incision)
--pain gets better, albeit slowly. Yesterday, I tried to ease off on the pain meds; went OK until the afternoon, @ which point I realized it wasn't time to ease off on the pain meds yet.
--appetite mostly back to normal; still eating a bit less, probably because I'm actually doing quite a bit less...
--ability to do stuff improves by the day (note: I'm *definitely* taking this one slowly!)
--breathing exercises getting better fairly quickly. (I have 2 breathing toys I have to play with, and I'm improving with both)
--all oxygen tanks & pumps will be picked up today; I haven't used them since Saturday night!
--I actually slept in a fairly normal position last night for the first time! Part of the night back in my actual bed (for the 1st time) & part on my couch, as my sleep pattern was a bit off
--speaking of sleep pattern, I'm awake more during the day & sleep longer at night. Pretty much back to normal there

Things that aren't quite right yet;
--my thermostat's adjusting ability - if I step outside for 10 seconds, I'll come back in sweating profusely, and will do so for a *long* time after. If memory serves, this will be the case for another day or two
--strength - still not able to lift much nor pull much
--driving - post-op orders show next week; hope so! (but see the next one...)
--use of pain meds - I'd like to be off of them, but that time is not here yet, & won't be for a while. Hopefully, I can get off the narcotic ones shortly & be left w/ Ibuprofen.

I am very excited about being chauffered down to my class Thursday night on our coast campus! (MBA class in which I pretty much just listen to student group presentations; not much standing nor actual lecturing required)

To my GREAT regret, I've had to cancel my trip to Poland in August. I was scheduled to speak at a professor conference. Sadly, the pain & meds & much slower than anticipated recovery have ruled out my going this time. I'm VERY unhappy about this, but really don't have any other choice.

All in all, recovery's going fairly well, given that it's only been 8 days since my chest was cracked open & part of some ribs were removed!

Thanks SO much for your continued prayers & friendship!

In His Glorious Grip,
Mike

Things I'm Imagining @ the Moment...

...being able to compose an entire email without having to stop & take a short nap to rest in the middle of doing so

...being able to mow my lawn.
(James dreams of me being able to do this as well, since he's the man @ the moment...*smile*) Seriously, I'm not a huge digging-around-the-yard kind of guy--as my neighbors will attest!--but I dearly love the deeply-satisfying feeling of "taking dominion" that mowing the lawn provides..

...being able to drive again.
Maybe next week!

...being able to stand in front of a group & teach again.
(my students & my friends in my SS class may insert their own punch line here)

...being able to take the hills again
(fast-walking a hilly neighborhood nearby)

...being able to get on a cross-trainer & go for half an hour

...being able to ride a bicycle
Of course, this requires *owning* bicycle, which I don't. Soon, maybe..

...sleeping in a relaxed prone position

...doing so in my bed instead of sideways on the couch

...doing so without oxygen attached

...having no bandages or medical devices attached to me all day long
(The last device may come off today! Then the bandages later...)

...not having to carefully track multiple pain meds to keep from OD'ing

...standing under a long hot shower

...not having to use my incentive spirometer & my duck-call looking thing to do breathing exercises.

...washing my hair

...not having to keep this cute Teddy bear & an old wooden cane nearby in case of a sudden cough or a need to, well, get up

And mostly, just being pain free, with clean P.E.T. scans for years & decades to come!

Thanks for your prayers! Seeing progress, albeit at a *much* slower pace than I'd like...
Mike

A Quick Update (no, really!)

In contrast to my long Sunday night Starbucks-fueled post, this is a quick update of where we are in this process.

--A small melanoma tumor (approx 1.4 cm) was removed from the inside of one of my ribs Monday morning.
--This also required cutting off part of that rib. (An innocuous sounding sentence that carries MUCH wallop behind it!
--We were in an actual room by 6:30 p.m. Monday night, which is a record for us after surgery. Last time, it was 11 p.m. or so.
--Surprisingly, the chest tube came out Tuesday morning early.
--Felt rather good Tuesday morning, such that there was talk of releasing us Tuesday afternoon. Then the pain arrived as the anesthesia fully wore off...(see "cutting off part of that rib"...it only hurt pretty bad every time I breathed in or out, sat, lay down, stood up, or walked. Other than that, it wasn't so bad.
--The nurse agreed w/ us that we should stay the night, and I am *glad* we did! Wed. a.m. about 1:00 was ROUGH! Breathing was VERY shallow & VERY painful.
--But the HUGE good news is this got better once meds were adjusted. Two doses later, & I was like a new man. Able to both inhale and exhale, which are fairly important bodily functions...
--We rolled out Wed. afternoon around 2:00. Lisa had to drive all the way with me being basically in a pain-meds-induced DEEP sleep pretty much the whole way home. Got home around 11:30 (had to stop for me to walk more than usual...plus, there's another post-anesthesia bodily function that we pretty much don't want to do that was required a time or two...*sigh*)
--Steady improvement since! Yesterday afternoon, I spiked a bit of a fever, but some mileposts were passed & it went away to stay, Lord willing.

Right now: (Friday, 7/23, 9:00 a.m.)
Still have full bandages over the chest tube hole & the actual incision. Also, I still have an antibiotic pump attached that feeds to the incision. Hence, the actual pump is worn around my waist like a belt. B.B. King said it best: "The thrill is gone..." *smile*

We're confident of two things: (1) I'm decisively on the mend, and (2) this post-surgery mending process will be longer and much more painful than the previous two were. I'm GREATLY reducing expectations about what I'll be accomplishing in these next 3-4 weeks...*sigh*

Still & all, it is quite amazing that I have this good of a medical prognosis, given that just 2 years ago, I was a stage IV metastatic melanoma patient! I attribute this to the grace of our sovereign Lord working through some amazingly gifted doctors & nurses in response to the prayers of a lot of folks. The whole cancer journey is very humbling, but to me the most humbling part is knowing that so many are praying for Lisa & me specifically. This includes people that I've never met. I'm not a good enough writer to capture the emotions that brings out, so let me just say THANKS!

BTW, Lisa, James & Anne are all three being amazing at bringing me stuff & helping me get around & such. E.g., I can't even lift the tea jug out of the fridge, nor lift this laptop on to my lap!

Thanks so much for your prayers & friendship. They mean SO much to us.

In His Grip,
Mike

On what do you rest this trust of yours?

(Isaiah 36:4b)

(You better freshen up your coffee & get comfy...*smile*)

That was one of the verses preached this morning @ The Fellowship @ Cinco Ranch in Katy. (For info about the church we'd belong to if we lived anywhere near the area, click here: http://thefellowship.org/)

Our friend Donna invited us to join her there at her church. An awesome time on multiple levels, and most demonstrative of God's gracious providence as we get ready for round 3 of surgery tomorrow morning.

So, we drove over to meet Donna for church. VERY inviting facilities & spirit there! We walked into the Life Center (where they worship), and the band fires up "Let It Rise". Gently for the first chorus, and then *rocking*...I *loved* it! Like good worship leaders do, they transported me to the throne of glory right away.

Let the glory of the Lord, rise among us
Let the glory of the Lord, rise among us
Let the praises of the King rise among us
Let it rise

Let the songs of the Lord, rise among us
Let the songs of the Lord, rise among us
Let the joy of the King, rise among us
Let it rise

Oh - oh - oh, let it rise

And let me tell...the glory & the praises & the songs & the joy of the King rose among us this morning! Well, I don't suppose I can speak for all, but they rose among me...*smile*

The senior pastor wasn't there this morning. He's out of town. WAY out of town. In Indonesia, being a blessing to missionaries who are required to work deeply undercover in an area with hundreds of thousands of Muslims, and virtually no Christians.

So, for the first time in my 50+ years of church attendance, I heard a message by a guy wearing an Indy 500 pit crew shirt. You see, this guy missed church on the week of the 500. He & some other guys from the church were @ the Indy 500. Doing evangelism & ministry among the pit crews and race fans. They distributed several thousand pieces of literature about Christianity & did some very cool ministry things.

Anyway, the Fellowship is working through Isaiah this year. The whole book. For the whole year (series title: "Ancient Future...A Year in the Book of Isaiah"). Today, he spoke on "Who You Gonna Trust" from Isaiah 36. His message points were on "Sowing the Seeds of Doubt" introduced by "as surely as I'm preaching to you about faith in a crisis of belief, there's another who will also preach a different message to you in the crisis. Here's what he'll say..."

"God doesn't really care what you do"
"You are weak" (exposition: yes we are...that's why we need a strong Jesus! We're weak, Jesus isn't!)
"God is against you" (cross reference: Romans 8:38-39)
"Godly counsel is not all that it's cracked up to be"
"Ignore God's direction! Trust what feels right! Follow your heart!" (great quote: I'm convinced that every serial killer is following his heart...")
"God can't or God won't" (one of Satan's most preached messages)

Summary point: "God will take care of all of my needs in the best possible way, keeping in mind that He's preparing me for eternity"

Another summary point: "I give my children everything they need...which is very different from giving them everything they *want*...Sometimes I withhold what they want, and other times I make them have things they don't want. If I, an imperfect earthly father do that because I love them & am preparing them for life, how much more our perfect, omniscient, omnipotent heavenly Father?" (Matthew 7:9-11)

A perfect message for me today, as I look at surgery & recovery one more time. His last summary point came from a guy they heard @ the Indy 500 chapel service. The guy was describing being @ the Super Bowl a couple of years ago when the Colts were there. "It struck me...everybody in this stadium knows that Tony Dungy stands for Christ. I wonder how many people know this of me?"

We sang this song too:

The precious blood of Jesus Christ redeems; Forgiven I’m alive, restored set free.
Your majesty resides inside of me. Forever I believe; forever I believe.
Arrested by your truth and righteousness,
your grace has overwhelmed my brokenness
convicted by your spirit, led by your word
your love will never fail
your love will never fail
‘Cause I know you gave the world your only Son for us to
know your name, to live within the savior's love
And He took my place, knowing he’d be crucified and you loved.. you loved, a people undeserving!

I wasn't all that uptight about tomorrow's surgery, but I am *much* less so after this morning's worship service & message @ the Fellowship. This is FAR different from saying I know how it will turn out, mind you! John Piper said it well in a message we listened to on the way out here: "1. God does remarkable, amazing things on behalf of those who love Him...2. But He doesn't always..."

(Hebrews 11: 33-39; Piper's text for that message) "...who through faith conquered kingdoms, enforced justice, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, quenched the power of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, were made strong out of weakness, became mighty in war, put foreign armies to flight. Women received back their dead by resurrection.

(that's the cool part of this passage...now keep reading, and remember there is NO break between the part above and the part below.)

Some were tortured, refusing to accept release, so that they might rise again to a better life. Others suffered mocking and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment. They were stoned, they were sawn in two, they were killed with the sword. They went about in skins of sheep and goats, destitute, afflicted, mistreated—of whom the world was not worthy—wandering about in deserts and mountains, and in dens and caves of the earth.

Note that those in the latter part of this passage are mentioned as "commended through their faith". And yet, they did NOT get the earthly answers they hoped for to their prayers. So, again, I haven't a clue as to how & how long this cancer course will run for me.

But I'm QUITE confident that Jehovah Shammah, the Lord Who is Present (one of my very favorite names of God in Scripture!) will show Himself to be just that tomorrow in the operating room, and more, in the waiting room as my bride sits yet again waiting for her name to be called to meet with my surgeon.

And I am--and she is!--quite "sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39)

That is my answer to Sennacherib's emmisary Rabshakeh's question for Judah in Isaiah 36 (see title of this entry above). The quantity of my faith? That only matters a little. The object of my faith? That matters GREATLY. Ultimately. Eternally. And He is present now and will be present tomorrow, and the day after, and next year, and a thousand years from now.

I'll wind you up w/ some lyrics I heard on the way to this Starbucks in which I sit:

"I Will Rise" - Chris Tomlin
There's a peace I've come to know, though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul; I can say "It is well"

Jesus has overcome, and the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won; He is risen from the dead

[Chorus:]
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise...I will rise

There's a day that's drawing near, when this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear and my faith shall be my eyes

Jesus has overcome, and the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won; He is risen from the dead

(repeat chorus)]

And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"

(repeat chorus)

THANK YOU so much for your prayers, my friends. We are so VERY humbled that so many are remembering us in prayer before the throne of our Lord. (I'm just glad none of the others sitting near me rt now know who the odd buy wiping tears is...*sheepish grin*) If you can keep praying just a bit more, we hope to soon be able to join you all as intercessory prayERS & not just as intercessory prayEES.

With a full, grateful heart that is trusting in a real God Who loves me & has redeemed me despite myself,
Mike

p.s. - Please remember Lisa in the waiting room. Mine is by FAR the easier of our roles tomorrow. I basically show up & get knocked out. She, on the other hand, has to wait for the door to open & to hear "Mrs. Madaris?"

p.p.s. - We also have TOTAL confidence in Dr. Mehran my surgeon, and in his team there @ MDA. I cannot imagine a better guy to entrust with my my rib cage!

Some Challenges for This Fall

Once more into the breach...(MDA & surgery sched for this week & next)

The scars have *almost* become invisible. Therefore, the only logical thing is to create another one...*sigh*

Back to MDA for yet another surgery--the last one, Lord willing! If you've been following my updates, you know there's this one spot of uncertain biology. (meaning, they don't know what it is) It's been there all along, since my 1st surgery in July 08, and is still there. Very small (1.3 cm) and very slow growing, if it's growing at all. But it does light up the P.E.T. scan, so...my medical guy there said he was not gonna be patient much longer, and the surgeon agreed when I saw him the next day.

Thus, this schedule:

Thurs. 7/15 - travel to Houston (in a *nice* ride, thanks to a generous friend!)
Friday 7/16 - pre-op mtg w/ anesthesia folks & w/ surgeon (no actual medical procedures today)
Sat./Sun.7/17 & 18 - eat lots of Tex-Mex & poke around Houston doing...well, whatever comes up on the calendar (in other words, chill massively this weekend!)
**Monday, 7/19** - surgery @ 0-dark-30 (my Surgeon likes to operate 1st thing, like @ 6:00 a.m....)

Probably a couple of days in hospital, & then home. We're predicting/hoping Wednesday. Dr. Mehran said a day or so; I'm thinking "or so" meaning out Wed.

He said I'd be good to go w/in a week in terms of activities. (Note to students in MBA 689: Lord willing, I *will* be in class Thursday, 7/22, although I'll have to be chauffer-driving down by one of the Madarians. Not supposed to drive for a week...which raises the question of who's gonna haul me down to The Depot for my fix of coffee & a muffin there? *laughing*)

A couple of notes:

--Pray for Lisa! She'll have to drive all the way back fr Houston w/ no help from me. My job will be, in the great words of my friend Jason to his spouse once upon a time, to "sit there & look pretty." (unfortunately, whereas Jason's spouse and mine can do this, I'm...much less equipped, let's say. *grin*)

--Quoting the surgeon, "whatever this spot is, it will be gone!" *loud raucous applause & whistles & vuvuzela noises...and that's just Lisa & me!*

--The spot's on my chest wall. More precisely, it's on my rib, which means he'll cut out a piece of rib. (Supply your own punchline here) Sounds painful to me, but what do I know? *sigh* On the *huge* plus side, it's not down in my lung like the other spots were; thus, it should be an easier procedure (acc. to Dr. Mehran) Basically, I'm hoping no chest tube this time, as having several feet of plastic tubing pulled thru one's chest wall on checkout isn't as much fun as it sounds...

--I *HATE* the effects of anesthesia on me! W/o doing into *too* much detail, one of the effects is that it only matters a very little what I order for bkfst the next day (let's just say, & leave it there)...Plus, my conversational skills will be *seriously* limited on the way back from Houston. Informed sources (Lisa) suggest that I'll go from lively, cogent conversation to deep sleep and back in a matter of seconds. I am about as un-pumped about the anesthesia as about the surgery itself.

The *strong* hope/prayer is that this leads to years of boring, un-lit, "nothing-to-see-here" P.E.T. scans after this surgery! Again, quoting the surgeon: "You have a very good biology of your disease" which means this could well be my last cancer-related surgical event for a while at least (well, other than the regular scans & sticks...). Which would be AWESOME!!

If you are a praying type, we welcome and GREATLY APPRECIATE your prayers!

My Bible reading took me to Isaiah 12 this morning:

You will say in that day:
“I will give thanks to you, O Lord,
for though you were angry with me,
your anger turned away,
that you might comfort me.

2 “Behold, God is my salvation;
I will trust, and will not be afraid;
for the Lord God is my strength and my song,
and he has become my salvation.”

3 With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation. 4 And you will say in that day:

“Give thanks to the Lord,
call upon his name,
make known his deeds among the peoples,
proclaim that his name is exalted.

5 “Sing praises to the Lord, for he has done gloriously;
let this be made known in all the earth.
6 Shout, and sing for joy, O inhabitant of Zion,
for great in your midst is the Holy One of Israel.”

Yeah...those verses work pretty well at capturing my soul this week...

Thanks SO much for your thoughts & prayers, my friends! I'll keep you posted as best I'm able.

Drawing deeply from the well of His salvation & hoping His greatness in our midst shines forth in me,
Mike

2 years.

Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints.
Psalm 116:15

Although the death of beloved saints is often most-decidedly NOT precious in our sight...

I'm not a poet. But I definitely agree w/ John Piper who said (paraphrase) "there are some emotions so deep in the soul that they can only be captured with poetry." As best I can recall, what is re-posted below is one of two poems I've ever written. (The other one was a couple of years back when another friend died; in an ironic coincidence, my two friends are buried right near each other, just a few steps apart). If you've been reading this blog for over year, you've seen this before. Started it two years ago from a room at M.D. Anderson's ICU (where I was "enjoying" my first cycle of immunotherapy) when I heard that the time of Jason Weathers' departure was at hand; finished it the next day--July 12--when I heard his faith had become sight.

Jason's wife Stephanie had her Dad read this at Jason's funeral. I will likely never receive a higher honor this side of glory. (We did make it back for his funeral, btw) As I looked at Jason's lifeless body @ the funeral, I was struck with a couple of thoughts. First, the needed reminder that in the words of a friend, we're all living in rented apartment space that's steadily wearing out such that one day, we will be leaving our temporary living quarters. Second, "death, where is your sting? Grave, where is your victory? Thanks be to God, Who gives us the victory" and "He is not here, but he is risen..." It is that second one that I have seen on display in the amazing faith of Jason's beloved Stephanie these last couple of years. She has been such a wonderful encourager to Lisa & me in our own cancer journey. And to so very many others as well. Just yesterday, we were laughing about how some of Jason's musical tastes overlap with my own, but most assuredly NOT with Stephanie's...

Two years after his homegoing, I agree all the more with these sentiments captured when I heard of Jason's passing. And I still miss him hard! Next to me right now is the collection of CDs Jason had in his car. In another great honor, Steph has allowed me to roam through the collection. I've spent yesterday and early this morning smiling, chuckling, and remembering my buddy through the widely-varied music he loved. And treasuring many a conversation that started out "Mike, have you ever listened to ______? I think you'd like them...Stephanie does NOT like them at all..." *grin* And yet, as I've been looking through his music, there are multiple CDs that I picture him reaching for when Steph rode with him somewhere. I 'spect they were in his collection for that very purpose. Yesterday at church as I was in the booth being the powerpoint guy, I was reminded once again that I starting doing that as a way to hang out w/ Jason; thus, I think of him every Sunday morning when I take my seat behind the computer.

Don't read this for the literary value of the poem, for you'll surely be disappointed. Rather, read for the depth of the emotions I'm trying to capture. This comes close, but doesn't fully capture what I felt this time two years ago. And last year at this time...and this year at this time...

As was the case two years ago, I do not focus on how he died. I choose to focus instead on how he lived.

Please pray today for Jason's beloved Stephanie and for his treasured children Anna Lea, Jon Brent, and Ally.

Giants
Mike Madaris, 7/12/08, on the coronation of my buddy Jason Weathers

Giants still walk the land occasionally.
I know this, because I knew one.
Physically strong and imposing
But that’s not the topic here,
For, he was not fearsome
Unless you lined up opposite him
On a football field
Or tried to throw him into a pool against his will.
Those aside, He got along with everybody.
Literally, everybody, as far as I knew.
Calm of demeanor, yet loved to laugh.
Quiet in personality, yet loved hard rock.
Intelligent, but not desiring to flaunt that.
Private, yet the son of a very public man
And later, married into another very public family.
In the midst of all, he was a giant.

The courtship. She was the only one.
They met when her Dad took a job at the giant’s church.
And his Dad’s. And his Granddad’s.
The realizing came quickly to most.
These two were a match.
They realized it too.
The courtship lasted until they finished college.
And he remained a giant.
Always loving, yet always honoring.
Serving. Cherishing. As it was intended to be.
Both of them Role models. Giants.
Who else marries a giant, but another giant after all?

10 years of marriage. A move to FL.
3 children deeply treasured.
One looks like her mother, yet like Dad in temperament.
One looks like his Dad, yet tempered like his mother.
And one too young to answer these questions
Though she surely looks like her Dad.
Each nurtured. Treasured. Celebrated.
Giants are like that about their offspring.

A servant’s heart.
Toward his lady. Toward his children.
Toward his friends. Toward his Lord.
Church service involved the out of the way
The behind the scenes
The un-glamorous
The invisible.
Sometimes giants stay in the background.
Perhaps that is why so few of us believe in them any more.

The servant heart spilled over into career choice.
Especially poignant to me this week
As I have been greatly served and blessed by multiple nurses
As a patient, the best in that field are wired as servants.
Others-centered. Paycheck almost incidental.
Towering over the rest of us.
Giants.

The dreadful disease with the nasty prognosis
The treatment nearly as nasty
Uncertainty. Doubt. Fear.
In this case, for others more than self
Beloved wife and treasured children.
Parents. Parents-in-law. Brother. Brother-in-law.
Not wanting to burden others with the battle he fought so well.
The larger men among us worry about us like that.

7 months of desperate fighting.
Interspersed with time spent with family and with lesser mortals.
Like me. At Starbucks. Still dreaming of an earthly future that would never be.
Then the end; rather, the beginning.
What, after all, is a last, horrendous week against 30+ years of a towering-above life?
Faith became sight.
Death & disease forever vanquished.
Ultimate Healing. No more illness, no more treatment, no more pain.
“Well Done, good and faithful servant.” The stuff of dreams.
Thankfully, not of legends.
Hopes and dreams realized.
Sin not only defeated, but now utterly removed.
As has been sung, "I can only imagine." He need not imagine any more.
This makes me smile through tears.
Victory won. Decisively. Forever.
It is well…it is well with his soul.
In that land, there are only giants. Now one more.
And this land seems all the more empty.

Rock on, Jason. See you there in the land of the eternal hello, where leukemia & melanoma are seen only through the eyes of grace-filled providence...and only then understood fully. You are still loved much and missed hard by many of us, Bro. Looking forward to that next cup of coffee & to you showing me around!
Mike

Voices on the Wind

Class of 77

(I wrote the initial version of this in 2007 rt before our 30th class reunion. This weekend, there will be a gathering back home of several dozen of us. So, I dusted off the 07 version & updated it ever so slightly. Enjoy! Or something...*smile*...Mike)

The Class of 77. (30 years later…)
Mike Madaris

We graduated during a time of some national confusion. Watergate was still working itself out. The Viet Nam war had ended, but the scars were only beginning to heal. The presidency was in a state of disgrace; President Ford’s presidency in escrow had just ended, and Jimmy Carter’s optimistic-but-deeply-flawed presidency was beginning.

Musically, we were torn between the radical protest music of the 60s, the softer music of the 70s, the continuation of the hard rock movement, and the arrival of disco. Those of us into jazz were confused by what Miles Davis had become and were electrified by Al DiMeola and Chick Corea.

Socially, drinking and other things happened, but they were still ever-so-somewhat taboo. We had graduated from fairly strict dress code enforcement during junior high to fairly loose standards in high school. Our yearbook photos provide evidence of this…

During our school days, we had witnessed a man landing safely on the moon and returning--an early 60s president’s challenge fulfilled. We saw the escalation…the massive escalation…of the Viet Nam war. Dads and brothers shipped out and fought. Some didn’t come back. We also saw the end of the war and the suspension of the draft. We saw integration, though it was not much of an issue in NW Florida. We saw political murder multiple times. We saw the launch of the political careers of a lawyer named Hillary Rodham and a Viet Nam veteran named John Kerry, though none of us knew then the roles they would play years later. We saw Viet Nam fall, and helped in various ways with the massive influx of refugees. Some of us even played patriotic tunes out at the relocation camp at Eglin AFB.

Ours was a huge class. There were well over 600 of us. We were musicians, artists, athletes, surfers, scholars, and regular folks. We were hippies, preppies, burnouts, and fishheads. We loved Mrs. “Mama Jo” Yeager and Mrs. Almond, we respected Mr. Jones, we laughed with (or was it “at”?) Mr. Kelleher, and we disliked a few too. We guys grew our hair long, thinking that made us cool. The girls wore dresses short & tight, thinking the same thing.

We went to football games, basketball games, baseball games, and the occasional track meet. We hated Vikings—the cross-town rival, not the ancient warriors. We went skiing, we went to the beach, we went to Victor’s and the Hog’s Breath, though we lied to our parents about those last two. Of course, we went to prom and to post-game dances. We fell into love and back out of love. Largely, we had no clue what love was. But we sure thought we did.

And then we graduated. Some went to college at Florida, some at Florida State. Some went out of state to various places. Some of us got scholarships; others of us didn’t.

Some took jobs and began their work life earlier. Some went into the military. We got married, we had children, we gained weight, we lost hair. Some moved away after college or due to work. Others stayed. Many of us who moved away wish we had stayed put. Or could come back.

Regardless of the bends in these past 30+ years’ roads, we remain somehow connected by time spent at a place called Choctawhatchee High School. For good or bad—mostly good in my case—we remain influenced and impacted by teachers, administrators, friends, and others we encountered there.

When I left high school, I arrogantly said I’d never come back. That lasted until the following Fall, when I ventured home & went to the stadium for a football game. The oh-so-familiar drum cadence began, and the buzz of anticipation raced through the crowd. I still love that anticipation and excitement, even after my own son’s playing days on another football field have come to an end. Just a few years ago, I once again marched with my brother and his son in an alumni Style Marchers band. And loved it. I still love to watch live jazz; partly just for the music, and partly because it reminds me of my days of trying—unsuccessfully—to master to art while in the Modern Jazz Ensemble at CHS.

We remember those who are now absent...teachers, parents, and classmates. They are missed, and their value and impact is somehow magnified as life progresses. At least part of who we are is traceable to them.

So, now we gather again. 33 years...not one of the "official" years for a reunion, but we have always done things that might not have been officially sanctioned...*grin* 33 years ago, we thought that people our age were desperately old and hopelessly out of touch. (Indeed, I am now older than my Dad ever became, which is a mind-boggling reality to grasp.) Now, we realize that having been out of HS for 33 years does not equal “old.” Well, not real old...

Oh, sure, the waistline has expanded, and the hairline is now receding in multiple directions, and “40 time” is now related to how many traffic lights my car must stop for rather than how fast we run. And, yeah, there are pills to take that help with “old people” things like cholesterol and blood pressure. And the days of baking in the sun on purpose throughout the day are a distant memory, buried somewhere on the other side of sun-related cancer surgeries & treatments in my case. And our music is now played on “classic” stations, or, worse, in elevators and dentist offices. Wierdly, though, it also shows up on our children’s IPODs too. Which is at once comforting and unsettling.

But somewhere in the midst of this life I lead is a smallish, uncertain guy with horrible-looking long hair who never imagined being this, um, “vintage.” Who still remembers the difference between 8-to-5 and 6-to-5 marching…who still remembers the formula for “Cosine of a Sum” thanks to Mrs. Almond’s “songs” in class…and who still remembers some of the words to the CHS alma mater…who still remembers giving speeches in Mrs. Yeager’s class, and being amazed to discover that he actually enjoys being in front of a group!…who still remembers the opening tenor sax part to Glenn Miller's "In the Mood"...and who still lets his freak flag fly in between mortgage payments, college tuition, Dr. visits, career moves, and that sort of thing.

Emerson, Lake, & Palmer said it best back in our day all those years ago: “Welcome back, my friends, to the show that never ends!”

It’s class mini-reunion time! I can’t wait. See y'all Saturday night!