I am Judas

He followed Christ on earth.  So do I.  But that's not nearly all that Judas and I have in common.

Yes, he followed Christ.  But he was very concerned that the rules & proper procedures be followed. 

I am Judas.

He seemed to have decided he was more important that his fellow followers. 

I am Judas.

He thought they didn't fully understand Jesus like he did.

I am Judas.

He didn't care for Jesus' extravagant grace when the recipient didn't fit Judas' preconceived notions of who was worthy.  He forgot that he himself wasn't any more worthy than the "least of these." [Heavy sigh] 

I am Judas.

He loved the idea of the radical Jesus overturning the system.  Then he discovered the rewards for becoming part of that same system, and changed his mind.

I am Judas.

There's reason to believe that Judas used his position in Christ's group of followers to his own benefit, possibly even to the point of mis-allocating things that were Jesus' to himself.  Stealing money in Judas' case; stealing glory--or attempting to--in mine.

I am Judas.

He loved the roar of the crowd, and apparently got caught up in it such that he missed the point of Jesus' teaching.

I am Judas.

He betrayed Jesus.  [another heavy sigh]

I am Judas.

When he realized that he had blown it, he pathetically & feebly attempted to fix it after it was too late.

I am Judas.

Despite all of these many shortcomings, Jesus still had close fellowship with him, even knowing that Judas would fail and betray him.  Jesus invited him to the table to eat.  Jesus fed him.  Hung out with him.  Showed him great grace.

I am Judas.

Lord Jesus, by Your grace, and only by Your grace, may I run well the course you have remaining for me.  You know my thoughts, the number of hairs on my head, the result of my next P.E.T. scan--and every one after that.  You know the time of my departure.  You know my sinful tendencies and temptations and weak points and struggles.  Lord, I come empty-handed, with absolutely NOTHING to give You to merit Your saving and sustaining grace.  I echo Your friend Peter: "Go away from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man."  And yet, praise God, You don't.  Instead, You forgive, and forgive, and forgive,...far more often than 70 times 7 in my case.  I do NOT deserve to share communion with you, now or at the marriage supper of the Lamb.  And yet, you freely offer both.  May I never get over your grace.  And by the fullness of the power of Your Holy Spirit, Lord, enable this weak, trembling, woefully-inadequate follower--who deserves a gruesome end like Judas--to finish well.  As the hymnwriter said, "And when before the Throne I stand in (You) complete, Jesus died, my soul to save, my lips will still repeat." 
Finally, Lord, I echo the prayer you heard on the cross: "Jesus, remember me when You come into Your Kingdom."
With faltering words, tear-filled eyes, and a thankful heart & marvelous hope because of both Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday,
Mike