May my teaching drop as the rain,
my speech distill as the dew,
like gentle rain upon the tender grass,
and like showers upon the herb.
Deuteronomy 32:2
So, another year starts tomorrow, officially. (Note to those of you with real jobs: we teachers think in academic years; I'm well aware that this calendar year started 8 months ago. Which, of course, was right in the middle of last year. *grin*)
Actually, this new year started this past week, with department & university faculty meetings & syllabus deadlines & new employee orientation & student move-in & such. But tomorrow morning at 0800, it's officially on in terms of classes & teaching & such. (WCU's medical school students started a couple of weeks ago; everyone else starts tomorrow)
The verse above is one of my favorite verses on teaching in all of Scripture. It's actually in a section called "The Song of Moses," in which Moses is reminding Israel of their history & of their transgressions. I have it on a small poster right outside my office. Every single time I read it, I'm reminded of those whose teaching "dropped...like gentle rain upon the tender grass" that is Mike Madaris back in the day. Which also reminds me that my own teaching can be harsh & unforgiving, or inspiring & encouraging. My subjects--Finance & Economics--are already challenging; I don't have to become a jerk in order to make them so. Of course, it is also quite possible to err in the other direction by being so generous in teaching & testing & grading that nobody is challenged at all, and therefore doesn't really learn anything. That would be preparing my students for a world that doesn't exist!
Which leads to another of my favorite teaching passages:
...so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ...
Ephesians 4:14-15
I realize the context there is in specific reference to God's gracious giving of spiritual gifts for building up the church into spiritual maturity. But I don't think I'm doing violence to the text by applying it to my teaching & grading. My students need to know that in the classroom--as in life!--performance matters. (Or should matter.)
One of the great things that several professors at the University of Florida did for me is...give me Ds & Fs, which accurately reflected my performance in their classes. They would've done me a great injustice to have given me As & Bs simply for registering for class & then showing up every now & then with no effort otherwise. Certainly I didn't realize what a great thing they were doing for me at the time...but I'm thankful now that they gave me real grades that really reflected what I had(n't) done in class. Balancing truth & love is not easy, and I rarely get it completely correct; but tomorrow presents another term for me to aim at getting it correct.
New beginnings always lead me back to one of my favorite verses about anything (not just teaching!) in the Bible:
Teach us to number our days
that we may get a heart of wisdom.
Psalm 90:12
Moses said that. Psalm 90 in my Bible is titled "The Prayer of Moses, The Man of God." Great title! The whole of Psalm 90 is just incredible, btw. And in context, this verse follows an awesome (in the true sense) discussion about the wrath of God, along with the brevity of human life. Which, to me, adds "oomph" to the verse. I asked a group of entering freshmen yesterday, "have you ever met a clueless old person?" (Obvious answer: yes!) Then I asked, "Do you want to wind up a clueless old person yourself?" (Obvious answer: no!) So then, let's all be wise stewards of our days. For truly, there are not very many of them, when all is said & done!
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
Romans 12:2
WCU's theme for the year is "Transformed...by the renewing of your mind." Which is from Romans 12:2, another favorite verse of mine. In context: Paul has just finished 11 chapters of some of the heaviest, deepest doctrinal discussion in the Bible. Then, 12:1: "Therefore, do not be conformed to this world...but be transformed..." followed by 5 chapters of unpacking what "Therefore" looks like in application.
I teach Finance & Economics, & not theology. However, part of God's providential provision & leading in the lives of a batch of students for the next 10 weeks is that they sit under Dr. Madaris' teaching. Thus, my teaching is part of God's plan for their lives. Perhaps just to test their faith & discipline (*grin*)...or perhaps to show them they can handle difficult material after all...or perhaps to help them understand a bit of how the world works in reality. Regardless, their goal is to have their minds transformed, and it is a GREAT honor to be part of that process!
Which leads to my last verse I'll quote:
Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity...
1 Timothy 4:12
It's popular--mostly because it's so easy, and because us older people are so lazy--to take cheap shots at today's young folks. I *STRONGLY* reject that whole line of thinking. In fact, I personally take great hope in the future, precisely because I'm around some outstanding young men & women all the time. This generation of college students wants to impact the world, and they are quite serious about it! They want to end things like slavery (aside: there are more slaves in the world TODAY than EVER BEFORE...which begs the question, "How'd we baby boomers do @ ending slavery?" *nervous clearing of throat*), poverty, racism,...I love that about them. They inspire me greatly in so many ways. Plus, dadburn it, it's just a lot of fun to hang w/ college students! (Sure, there are some who are, to be kind, not very inspiring...let's call them the "Mike-Madaris-in-college" students. *smile* But they stand out these days precisely because they're so listless.)
So, to all young students: hear the words of Paul to his young apprentice Timothy, who was approximately your age. "Let no one despise you for your youth, but show yourself an example..." People WILL despise you for your youth; show yourself an example anyway! Hard? You bet! The world is full of crusty old people who have forgotten some things: (1) what it's like to be young, (2) what it's like to have hope & optimism, (3) **almost every single significant movement throughout history that has shaped & changed our world has been led mostly by young people** So, go show yourself an example!
But starting this week, "showing yourself an example' begins by coming to class. *grin*
I love my job & can't wait to get into the new term. Tomorrow night, Lisa & I will be at the WCU coffee shop on campus for something called "coffee talk." As near as I can figure, we're discussing some things about life as a student @ WCU with a group of entering students. And soon, we're hoping to re-boot our small group in our home of students from other countries to bat around things slightly more significant than how to calculate the present value of an annuity or the marginal cost of producing the 500,000th widget or what "CAMEL" means to a banker. (hint: has nothing to do with the animal!)
I love my job. It's a new year. Let's get after it!
bb
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
church goer jerks
Posted Sunday on Facebook by a friend who's a manager at a local restaurant: (Note: this guy's an actual friend in person; not just a facebook acquaintance.)
Attention all my fellow church goers. Please stop coming to lunch directly after church and acting like jerks to restaurant employees. It makes it extremely hard for me to witness to them! It is very difficult to convince someone that Jesus loves them when you show them zero Christ like love!
I have very little to add. (But I'll keep writing anyway...*smile*)
When we were newlyweds, Lisa worked in a restaurant. I'll skip a bunch of stories to land on the sad conclusion: Nobody wanted to work Sunday lunch, despite the fact that Sunday lunch was the busiest time the restaurant had every week. Why didn't people whose income depends on tips want to work on the busiest time of the week? Two reasons: 1) the folks fresh out of church were typically quite rude, and 2) the folks fresh out of church were--by a long way--the worst tipping crowd all week. And Jesus wept...
Ever wonder why it seems that people outside the church are increasingly hostile to the church? Go back & re-read my friend's remarks above, along with the previous paragraph about Lisa's coworkers.
Which leads me to a few requests of my fellow churchgoers, in addition to my friend's post above:
(1) By all means, be about the business of proclaiming the excellencies of Christ & the majesty of the Gospel!
(1a) Radical Idea: why not go way out of your way to smile & be nice & be helpful to your server & to the cashier & to the person seating you, even if something goes wrong with your order? Especially if something goes wrong with your order even?
(2) Do NOT leave a Gospel tract in lieu of a tip at a restaurant! Don't ever do this, but especially not if you've spent the last hour whining & complaining & being obnoxious to your server.
[Just in case anyone's wondering, I am VERY well aware that the Gospel is of infinitely greater value that a few bucks' tip. But to an unchurched nonbeliever, leaving anything instead of a tip = cheap. Ironically, flinging a Gospel tract at someone who's expecting some $$ can wind up damaging the cause of Christ rather than advancing it.]
(3) Tip generously!!
(Said the one whose wife was in the server biz years ago, and whose daughter is in that biz now)
Now your homework assignment: Go back to the top of this post & reread the part from my friend's facebook post; then let's all change the way we Christians are viewed (justifiably!) by those serving in the food service business, especially on Sundays.
In other words, let's connect the dots between what we sing & pray & hear in church and how we conduct ourselves out in public.
For the sake of the Gospel,
bb
...practice and observe whatever they tell you—but not what they do. For they preach, but do not practice.
Matthew 23:3 (Jesus speaking in condemnation of the very religious priests of his day)
So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
1 Corinthians 10:31 (Paul speaking; does "whatever you do" include "eating lunch out on Sundays"?)
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Colossians 3:16-17 (Paul speaking. Note the connection between worship/Bible study/etc. and "whatever you do." If your service to & magnification of the Lord ends when you leave church Sunday morning, then with all the love I can muster, you have missed some very significant points about the whole thing!)
Attention all my fellow church goers. Please stop coming to lunch directly after church and acting like jerks to restaurant employees. It makes it extremely hard for me to witness to them! It is very difficult to convince someone that Jesus loves them when you show them zero Christ like love!
I have very little to add. (But I'll keep writing anyway...*smile*)
When we were newlyweds, Lisa worked in a restaurant. I'll skip a bunch of stories to land on the sad conclusion: Nobody wanted to work Sunday lunch, despite the fact that Sunday lunch was the busiest time the restaurant had every week. Why didn't people whose income depends on tips want to work on the busiest time of the week? Two reasons: 1) the folks fresh out of church were typically quite rude, and 2) the folks fresh out of church were--by a long way--the worst tipping crowd all week. And Jesus wept...
Ever wonder why it seems that people outside the church are increasingly hostile to the church? Go back & re-read my friend's remarks above, along with the previous paragraph about Lisa's coworkers.
Which leads me to a few requests of my fellow churchgoers, in addition to my friend's post above:
(1) By all means, be about the business of proclaiming the excellencies of Christ & the majesty of the Gospel!
(1a) Radical Idea: why not go way out of your way to smile & be nice & be helpful to your server & to the cashier & to the person seating you, even if something goes wrong with your order? Especially if something goes wrong with your order even?
(2) Do NOT leave a Gospel tract in lieu of a tip at a restaurant! Don't ever do this, but especially not if you've spent the last hour whining & complaining & being obnoxious to your server.
[Just in case anyone's wondering, I am VERY well aware that the Gospel is of infinitely greater value that a few bucks' tip. But to an unchurched nonbeliever, leaving anything instead of a tip = cheap. Ironically, flinging a Gospel tract at someone who's expecting some $$ can wind up damaging the cause of Christ rather than advancing it.]
(3) Tip generously!!
(Said the one whose wife was in the server biz years ago, and whose daughter is in that biz now)
Now your homework assignment: Go back to the top of this post & reread the part from my friend's facebook post; then let's all change the way we Christians are viewed (justifiably!) by those serving in the food service business, especially on Sundays.
In other words, let's connect the dots between what we sing & pray & hear in church and how we conduct ourselves out in public.
For the sake of the Gospel,
bb
...practice and observe whatever they tell you—but not what they do. For they preach, but do not practice.
Matthew 23:3 (Jesus speaking in condemnation of the very religious priests of his day)
So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
1 Corinthians 10:31 (Paul speaking; does "whatever you do" include "eating lunch out on Sundays"?)
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Colossians 3:16-17 (Paul speaking. Note the connection between worship/Bible study/etc. and "whatever you do." If your service to & magnification of the Lord ends when you leave church Sunday morning, then with all the love I can muster, you have missed some very significant points about the whole thing!)
Thursday, July 14, 2011
It Happened Again...
For the 2nd consecutive "routine" visit out to MDA, I got to chat w/ a terminally-ill cancer patient.
You should do that sometime. Really, you should.
This was a 60-something lady from Kansas City. Advanced pancreatic cancer, which is usually a get-your-affairs-in-order type diagnosis. And yet...(Wait; I'm getting ahead of myself)
So, I'm downstairs eating bkfst @ the hotel, sitting at a table by myself. This lady & I had sort of tag-teamed the toasters trying to get our muffins toasted. She finishes getting her bkfst, looks around, and thankfully for me, there were no empty tables. She points at a chair opposite me & says "Do you mind?"
We had a *great* visit! Her hubby joined us about halfway through, which added to the chat. Meanwhile, the guy @ the next table says "are you part of the archery tournament?" I said, "No, I'm part of the MDA-patient tournament." The lady acted like that's the funniest thing she's heard in a while; she said "Me too!" As it turns out, the guy & his wife *were* part of the archery tournament, and get this: he's an oncologist out in Washington State! He asked a few questions about MDA, & the lady & I both just sung its praises. He said, "Oh, we have some of their data @ our office & I refer to their info often." We swapped a couple of jokes, including this one from the lady w/ pancreatic cancer: "Any diagnosis is a good diagnosis, because that means you're present to receive it!" We all laughed.
Of course, there was the semi-obligatory comparing of tests & procedures & processes & travel arrangements & such. She said "My Dr. back home tells me I'm just weird. Nobody lives w/ stage IV+ pancreatic cancer 5 years & counting." I said "Yeah, mine here says that I'm living outside the numbers; that metastatic melanoma patients 3 years out are not very many."
A bit more random conversation, & they left to catch the shuttle. As she walked away, she said "You go on living outside the numbers, & I'll go on being weird."
What a GREAT word! I am SO thankful for so many people that I've encountered out here.
BTW, nobody would look at this woman & say "She has a very serious form of cancer that's usually quickly fatal."
So, again my challenge to myself: What exactly is it that consumes our (my!) thoughts & emotions? Idiot drivers nearby on the road? Employers not fully recognizing how totally awesome we are? Our favorite team losing a game or not landing a prized recruit or not winning big enough? A flawed, imperfect spouse? (Best not to stay there very long, as that thinking QUICKLY does a 180. As well it should!) Family that doesn't behave like we want them to behave? How the weather is not in line with your personal preference? Gas prices?
Here's what she was thinking about this morning:
--Wow! They have cranberry juice this morning! I love cranberry juice!
--Neat-o! The waffles are shaped like the state of TX on a map!
--Today's appt., & then we're heading home.
--Honey, I'm so glad you're feeling better today. (Said to her husband. Who does not have cancer. Again, this was said by her to her husband, who does not have cancer.)
--Isn't MDA a great place, populated by great people?
--I don't mind this 100-degree+ heat; all of my treatments have made me much colder by nature.
--It's nice that we don't have to drive ourselves to MDA, isn't it? (Re: hotel shuttle & Houston traffic)
Grab a bit of perspective from a delightful lady who's "weird," won't you? That sense of perspective is precisely why visiting with terminally-ill cancer patients is a good idea...
bb
p.s. - UPDATE: I ran into her later in the day, and she had just been told that she didn't have to come back for 6 months for her next P.E.T. scan!! Trust me, this is some fantastic news...hoping to be told that one day myself.
You should do that sometime. Really, you should.
This was a 60-something lady from Kansas City. Advanced pancreatic cancer, which is usually a get-your-affairs-in-order type diagnosis. And yet...(Wait; I'm getting ahead of myself)
So, I'm downstairs eating bkfst @ the hotel, sitting at a table by myself. This lady & I had sort of tag-teamed the toasters trying to get our muffins toasted. She finishes getting her bkfst, looks around, and thankfully for me, there were no empty tables. She points at a chair opposite me & says "Do you mind?"
We had a *great* visit! Her hubby joined us about halfway through, which added to the chat. Meanwhile, the guy @ the next table says "are you part of the archery tournament?" I said, "No, I'm part of the MDA-patient tournament." The lady acted like that's the funniest thing she's heard in a while; she said "Me too!" As it turns out, the guy & his wife *were* part of the archery tournament, and get this: he's an oncologist out in Washington State! He asked a few questions about MDA, & the lady & I both just sung its praises. He said, "Oh, we have some of their data @ our office & I refer to their info often." We swapped a couple of jokes, including this one from the lady w/ pancreatic cancer: "Any diagnosis is a good diagnosis, because that means you're present to receive it!" We all laughed.
Of course, there was the semi-obligatory comparing of tests & procedures & processes & travel arrangements & such. She said "My Dr. back home tells me I'm just weird. Nobody lives w/ stage IV+ pancreatic cancer 5 years & counting." I said "Yeah, mine here says that I'm living outside the numbers; that metastatic melanoma patients 3 years out are not very many."
A bit more random conversation, & they left to catch the shuttle. As she walked away, she said "You go on living outside the numbers, & I'll go on being weird."
What a GREAT word! I am SO thankful for so many people that I've encountered out here.
BTW, nobody would look at this woman & say "She has a very serious form of cancer that's usually quickly fatal."
So, again my challenge to myself: What exactly is it that consumes our (my!) thoughts & emotions? Idiot drivers nearby on the road? Employers not fully recognizing how totally awesome we are? Our favorite team losing a game or not landing a prized recruit or not winning big enough? A flawed, imperfect spouse? (Best not to stay there very long, as that thinking QUICKLY does a 180. As well it should!) Family that doesn't behave like we want them to behave? How the weather is not in line with your personal preference? Gas prices?
Here's what she was thinking about this morning:
--Wow! They have cranberry juice this morning! I love cranberry juice!
--Neat-o! The waffles are shaped like the state of TX on a map!
--Today's appt., & then we're heading home.
--Honey, I'm so glad you're feeling better today. (Said to her husband. Who does not have cancer. Again, this was said by her to her husband, who does not have cancer.)
--Isn't MDA a great place, populated by great people?
--I don't mind this 100-degree+ heat; all of my treatments have made me much colder by nature.
--It's nice that we don't have to drive ourselves to MDA, isn't it? (Re: hotel shuttle & Houston traffic)
Grab a bit of perspective from a delightful lady who's "weird," won't you? That sense of perspective is precisely why visiting with terminally-ill cancer patients is a good idea...
bb
p.s. - UPDATE: I ran into her later in the day, and she had just been told that she didn't have to come back for 6 months for her next P.E.T. scan!! Trust me, this is some fantastic news...hoping to be told that one day myself.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
3 Years ago today...
...one of the strongest men I've ever known entered eternity.
I was in an ICU room @ MDA undergoing my first round of high-dose immunotheraphy, but had been kept abreast of happenings back here in H'burg via text, email, blogs, & facebook.
He suffered an extensive coughing spell (after-effects of chemotherapy) that resulted in him coding. Medical personnel got him back in terms of a heartbeat, but nothing else. 3 days later, July 12, 2008, his race was declared finished, and victory--ultimate victory--was won over leukemia. He left behind a much-beloved wife, and three very young children that he treasured deeply.
I'll never be the same because of his life's impact on mine. And his family's impact on my life during his battle with leukemia and since his homegoing.
Every Sunday morning, I take my seat behind a computer in church to help with techie stuff. This started when he was in the tech booth; I used to go in there & sit with him, back when it was an actual separate room. (It's not now) Thus, every single Sunday morning, I think of my buddy.
I'm not a poet. Never claimed to be one, & never will. But 3 years ago, I was in ICU @ MDA in Houston experiencing the, er, "joys" of high-dose immunotherapy. It was there that I got the word that my buddy was on life support. "Stunned" is in the right direction, but doesn't capture it. "Devastated"..."Undone"..."Broken"...pick one.
I received word that the time of his departure was at hand. At which point a poem of sorts came pouring forth from my soul. As I said on this day last year, I've written 2 poems in my life. This one, and another for another friend who died tragically.
Before reading (or re-reading) the poem, PLEASE hear these two challenges from my heart:
1) Register to be a bone marrow donor!
My friend was on regular chemo to keep his leukemia at bay until a marrow donor match could be found. Yeah...
As a multi-time metastatic melanoma survivor/patient, I am no longer eligible to be a marrow donor, although I am registered. Are you? The test is not a big deal.
READ THIS AND REGISTER!
(Another friend registered years ago & was a match for a guy out west who had NO HOPE. My friend donated marrow...the recipient is alive & well with no trace of leukemia all these years later. The cost? My friend said his back hurt for a couple of weeks. Worth it? What do you think?? My friend has been flown out to spend family vacations with the guy whose life he saved.)
2) PLZ pray for the wife & kids & parents & brother & extended family today & these next few days as they remember what I shudder to even imagine.
(Now, the poem again. It's appeared here before. Stephanie had her Dad read it @ Jason's funeral; as noted by me previously, I will likely not have an honor that high this side of eternity.)
Giants
Mike Madaris, 7/12/08, on the coronation of my buddy Jason Weathers
Giants still walk the land occasionally.
I know this, because I knew one.
Physically strong and imposing
But that’s not the topic here,
For, he was not fearsome
Unless you lined up opposite him
On a football field
Or tried to throw him into a pool against his will.
Those aside, He got along with everybody.
Literally, everybody, as far as I knew.
Calm of demeanor, yet loved to laugh.
Quiet in personality, yet loved hard rock.
Intelligent, but not desiring to flaunt that.
Private, yet the son of a very public man
And later, married into another very public family.
In the midst of all, he was a giant.
The courtship. She was the only one.
They met when her Dad took a job at the giant’s church.
And his Dad’s. And his Granddad’s.
The realizing came quickly to most.
These two were a match.
They realized it too.
The courtship lasted until they finished college.
And he remained a giant.
Always loving, yet always honoring.
Serving. Cherishing. As it was intended to be.
Both of them Role models. Giants.
Who else marries a giant, but another giant after all?
10 years of marriage. A move to FL.
3 children deeply treasured.
One looks like her mother, yet like Dad in temperament.
One looks like his Dad, yet tempered like his mother.
And one too young to answer these questions
Though she surely looks like her Dad.
Each nurtured. Treasured. Celebrated.
Giants are like that about their offspring.
A servant’s heart.
Toward his lady. Toward his children.
Toward his friends. Toward his Lord.
Church service involved the out of the way
The behind the scenes
The un-glamorous
The invisible.
Sometimes giants stay in the background.
Perhaps that is why so few of us believe in them any more.
The servant heart spilled over into career choice.
Especially poignant to me this week
As I have been greatly served and blessed by multiple nurses
As a patient, the best in that field are wired as servants.
Others-centered. Paycheck almost incidental.
Towering over the rest of us.
Giants.
The dreadful disease with the nasty prognosis
The treatment nearly as nasty
Uncertainty. Doubt. Fear.
In this case, for others more than self
Beloved wife and treasured children.
Parents. Parents-in-law. Brother. Brother-in-law.
Not wanting to burden others with the battle he fought so well.
The larger men among us worry about us like that.
7 months of desperate fighting.
Interspersed with time spent with family and with lesser mortals.
Like me. At Starbucks. Still dreaming of an earthly future that would never be.
Then the end; rather, the beginning.
What, after all, is a last, horrendous week against 30+ years of a towering-above life?
Faith became sight.
Death & disease forever vanquished.
Ultimate Healing. No more illness, no more treatment, no more pain.
“Well Done, good and faithful servant.” The stuff of dreams.
Thankfully, not of legends.
Hopes and dreams realized.
Sin not only defeated, but now utterly removed.
As has been sung, "I can only imagine." He need not imagine any more.
This makes me smile through tears.
Victory won. Decisively. Forever.
It is well…it is well with his soul.
In that land, there are only giants. Now one more.
And this land seems all the more empty.
Jason, my brother, I still miss you very hard on a regular basis. Steph & the kids are doing very well, which would not surprise you. Keep on rocking, dude, there in the land of the eternal "hello." Can't wait until my own faith has become sight, & you & I can laugh together about how leukemia & melanoma are just a bump in the road as we celebrate the incredible grace that has two knuckleheads like us there forever in the presence of the One Who provides that grace.
Love you,
Mike
p.s. - Thanks for continuing to be my friend & hang out with me even after I got old. *grin* (Picturing your own grin & laugh as I type that...thanks for sharing all the laughs & prayers & smiles & tears & great rock music with me!)
I was in an ICU room @ MDA undergoing my first round of high-dose immunotheraphy, but had been kept abreast of happenings back here in H'burg via text, email, blogs, & facebook.
He suffered an extensive coughing spell (after-effects of chemotherapy) that resulted in him coding. Medical personnel got him back in terms of a heartbeat, but nothing else. 3 days later, July 12, 2008, his race was declared finished, and victory--ultimate victory--was won over leukemia. He left behind a much-beloved wife, and three very young children that he treasured deeply.
I'll never be the same because of his life's impact on mine. And his family's impact on my life during his battle with leukemia and since his homegoing.
Every Sunday morning, I take my seat behind a computer in church to help with techie stuff. This started when he was in the tech booth; I used to go in there & sit with him, back when it was an actual separate room. (It's not now) Thus, every single Sunday morning, I think of my buddy.
I'm not a poet. Never claimed to be one, & never will. But 3 years ago, I was in ICU @ MDA in Houston experiencing the, er, "joys" of high-dose immunotherapy. It was there that I got the word that my buddy was on life support. "Stunned" is in the right direction, but doesn't capture it. "Devastated"..."Undone"..."Broken"...pick one.
I received word that the time of his departure was at hand. At which point a poem of sorts came pouring forth from my soul. As I said on this day last year, I've written 2 poems in my life. This one, and another for another friend who died tragically.
Before reading (or re-reading) the poem, PLEASE hear these two challenges from my heart:
1) Register to be a bone marrow donor!
My friend was on regular chemo to keep his leukemia at bay until a marrow donor match could be found. Yeah...
As a multi-time metastatic melanoma survivor/patient, I am no longer eligible to be a marrow donor, although I am registered. Are you? The test is not a big deal.
READ THIS AND REGISTER!
(Another friend registered years ago & was a match for a guy out west who had NO HOPE. My friend donated marrow...the recipient is alive & well with no trace of leukemia all these years later. The cost? My friend said his back hurt for a couple of weeks. Worth it? What do you think?? My friend has been flown out to spend family vacations with the guy whose life he saved.)
2) PLZ pray for the wife & kids & parents & brother & extended family today & these next few days as they remember what I shudder to even imagine.
(Now, the poem again. It's appeared here before. Stephanie had her Dad read it @ Jason's funeral; as noted by me previously, I will likely not have an honor that high this side of eternity.)
Giants
Mike Madaris, 7/12/08, on the coronation of my buddy Jason Weathers
Giants still walk the land occasionally.
I know this, because I knew one.
Physically strong and imposing
But that’s not the topic here,
For, he was not fearsome
Unless you lined up opposite him
On a football field
Or tried to throw him into a pool against his will.
Those aside, He got along with everybody.
Literally, everybody, as far as I knew.
Calm of demeanor, yet loved to laugh.
Quiet in personality, yet loved hard rock.
Intelligent, but not desiring to flaunt that.
Private, yet the son of a very public man
And later, married into another very public family.
In the midst of all, he was a giant.
The courtship. She was the only one.
They met when her Dad took a job at the giant’s church.
And his Dad’s. And his Granddad’s.
The realizing came quickly to most.
These two were a match.
They realized it too.
The courtship lasted until they finished college.
And he remained a giant.
Always loving, yet always honoring.
Serving. Cherishing. As it was intended to be.
Both of them Role models. Giants.
Who else marries a giant, but another giant after all?
10 years of marriage. A move to FL.
3 children deeply treasured.
One looks like her mother, yet like Dad in temperament.
One looks like his Dad, yet tempered like his mother.
And one too young to answer these questions
Though she surely looks like her Dad.
Each nurtured. Treasured. Celebrated.
Giants are like that about their offspring.
A servant’s heart.
Toward his lady. Toward his children.
Toward his friends. Toward his Lord.
Church service involved the out of the way
The behind the scenes
The un-glamorous
The invisible.
Sometimes giants stay in the background.
Perhaps that is why so few of us believe in them any more.
The servant heart spilled over into career choice.
Especially poignant to me this week
As I have been greatly served and blessed by multiple nurses
As a patient, the best in that field are wired as servants.
Others-centered. Paycheck almost incidental.
Towering over the rest of us.
Giants.
The dreadful disease with the nasty prognosis
The treatment nearly as nasty
Uncertainty. Doubt. Fear.
In this case, for others more than self
Beloved wife and treasured children.
Parents. Parents-in-law. Brother. Brother-in-law.
Not wanting to burden others with the battle he fought so well.
The larger men among us worry about us like that.
7 months of desperate fighting.
Interspersed with time spent with family and with lesser mortals.
Like me. At Starbucks. Still dreaming of an earthly future that would never be.
Then the end; rather, the beginning.
What, after all, is a last, horrendous week against 30+ years of a towering-above life?
Faith became sight.
Death & disease forever vanquished.
Ultimate Healing. No more illness, no more treatment, no more pain.
“Well Done, good and faithful servant.” The stuff of dreams.
Thankfully, not of legends.
Hopes and dreams realized.
Sin not only defeated, but now utterly removed.
As has been sung, "I can only imagine." He need not imagine any more.
This makes me smile through tears.
Victory won. Decisively. Forever.
It is well…it is well with his soul.
In that land, there are only giants. Now one more.
And this land seems all the more empty.
Jason, my brother, I still miss you very hard on a regular basis. Steph & the kids are doing very well, which would not surprise you. Keep on rocking, dude, there in the land of the eternal "hello." Can't wait until my own faith has become sight, & you & I can laugh together about how leukemia & melanoma are just a bump in the road as we celebrate the incredible grace that has two knuckleheads like us there forever in the presence of the One Who provides that grace.
Love you,
Mike
p.s. - Thanks for continuing to be my friend & hang out with me even after I got old. *grin* (Picturing your own grin & laugh as I type that...thanks for sharing all the laughs & prayers & smiles & tears & great rock music with me!)
Friday, July 08, 2011
The Long Space In Between
(Written the morning after my most recent scan, before getting the results. Edited for readability 3 wks later on 7/8/11)
What goes through one's mind the morning after a P.E.T. scan & before getting the results? The critical results?
Here are some thoughts I have Friday morning, 6/17, at 10:30 a.m. in my hotel room, 2 hrs before that appointment.
--Anxiety
Not fear per se, but definitely anxiety that mounts as the clock moves. A blend of "What will he say this time?" and "How will I react to whatever he says?"
--Calm
Not to contradict the previous, but there's an amazing calm that comes along with the anxiety. Of course, I attribute this to the overwhelming grace & presence of God, and to His graciously answering the prayers of many friends who are praying even as I write. My favorite name of God in Scripture is Jehovah Shammah as I've mentioned here before. Basically it means "the personal God Who is present."
--Memories
Of the distant past, friends, family, places, etc. And of the recent past: surgery, hospital rooms, etc. Mostly, these fall under the category of things that bring great comfort (even the MDA ones!). Strangely, I smile a lot as memories come. And rest assured, I let them come, and even chase them now & then.
--Regrets
Not all of the memories are wonderful though. Mercifully, these are quickly re-channeled into a wonderful appreciation of grace in the Gospel. "Though your sins are as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow" (etc.)
--Hopes
I'm a bit of a dreamer anyway, and this morning in particular brings up quite a number of hopes for the future. Stay tuned. Be scared. *smile* The future in general gets collapsed into 2 phases: between now & the appointment, which is crystal clear, and afterward, which (mercifully, I think) sort of goes into a fog that I cannot see into very clearly.
--Family
My family is never far from my thoughts, but especially out here. And especially on Father's Day weekend. I'm struck this morning with the overpowering awareness that--as a writer once said--I am the narrow funnel where history & heritage meet legacy. My inherited heritage is so deep & rich that I can hardly take it all in. I pray often that 100 years from now my descendants will be making much of Jesus because of what God did in & through Mike Madaris' life. Aside: I often teter over into the arrogance of thinking "Boy, I hope they make much of me!" But as one of my favorite pastors, Crawford Loritts, says, I'm just a clap between two vast eternities; He is the One of Whom much needs to be made.
--Worship
Always...ALWAYS!...worship seems to just bubble up. PLEASE don't be impressed with Mike's spirituality here! I don't create this worship, nor grit my teeth to do it; it's called forth from me, which is just a marvelous experience. Yesterday, about 5 minutes before boarding the shuttle to MDA for my scan, I was overwhelmed by a couple of hymns that came from my soul. ("At the Cross", especially the verse "Amazing mercy, grace unknown, and love beyond degree!" and "Precious Lord, Take My Hand" of which I prefer the version by Selah.) So, yeah, that was me doing the subtle macho guy tear wipe that we disguise as scratching our face or fixing our hair or something.
There's a brief glimpse into what the long space in between a scan & getting the results of that scan looks like for me.
In about 2.5 months, I'll go back out there & do this all again.
Rejoicing in Jehovah Shammah,
bb
What goes through one's mind the morning after a P.E.T. scan & before getting the results? The critical results?
Here are some thoughts I have Friday morning, 6/17, at 10:30 a.m. in my hotel room, 2 hrs before that appointment.
--Anxiety
Not fear per se, but definitely anxiety that mounts as the clock moves. A blend of "What will he say this time?" and "How will I react to whatever he says?"
--Calm
Not to contradict the previous, but there's an amazing calm that comes along with the anxiety. Of course, I attribute this to the overwhelming grace & presence of God, and to His graciously answering the prayers of many friends who are praying even as I write. My favorite name of God in Scripture is Jehovah Shammah as I've mentioned here before. Basically it means "the personal God Who is present."
--Memories
Of the distant past, friends, family, places, etc. And of the recent past: surgery, hospital rooms, etc. Mostly, these fall under the category of things that bring great comfort (even the MDA ones!). Strangely, I smile a lot as memories come. And rest assured, I let them come, and even chase them now & then.
--Regrets
Not all of the memories are wonderful though. Mercifully, these are quickly re-channeled into a wonderful appreciation of grace in the Gospel. "Though your sins are as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow" (etc.)
--Hopes
I'm a bit of a dreamer anyway, and this morning in particular brings up quite a number of hopes for the future. Stay tuned. Be scared. *smile* The future in general gets collapsed into 2 phases: between now & the appointment, which is crystal clear, and afterward, which (mercifully, I think) sort of goes into a fog that I cannot see into very clearly.
--Family
My family is never far from my thoughts, but especially out here. And especially on Father's Day weekend. I'm struck this morning with the overpowering awareness that--as a writer once said--I am the narrow funnel where history & heritage meet legacy. My inherited heritage is so deep & rich that I can hardly take it all in. I pray often that 100 years from now my descendants will be making much of Jesus because of what God did in & through Mike Madaris' life. Aside: I often teter over into the arrogance of thinking "Boy, I hope they make much of me!" But as one of my favorite pastors, Crawford Loritts, says, I'm just a clap between two vast eternities; He is the One of Whom much needs to be made.
--Worship
Always...ALWAYS!...worship seems to just bubble up. PLEASE don't be impressed with Mike's spirituality here! I don't create this worship, nor grit my teeth to do it; it's called forth from me, which is just a marvelous experience. Yesterday, about 5 minutes before boarding the shuttle to MDA for my scan, I was overwhelmed by a couple of hymns that came from my soul. ("At the Cross", especially the verse "Amazing mercy, grace unknown, and love beyond degree!" and "Precious Lord, Take My Hand" of which I prefer the version by Selah.) So, yeah, that was me doing the subtle macho guy tear wipe that we disguise as scratching our face or fixing our hair or something.
There's a brief glimpse into what the long space in between a scan & getting the results of that scan looks like for me.
In about 2.5 months, I'll go back out there & do this all again.
Rejoicing in Jehovah Shammah,
bb
Monday, July 04, 2011
Behind the parades & fireworks...
6/25/1950 - North Korea invades South Korea. A small conflict in a rather remote corner of the world...
Meanwhile, at a junior college in MS, this handsome young man with blue eyes & a great smile was arriving from Choctaw County in SW Alabama to go to school, and to play football on a pretty good JC team.
I believe it was the following summer that the entire football team--that's the entire team!--dropped out of school & enlisted in the military. They volunteered their services to go take a stand in South Korea because their country thought that was worth doing.
The details of that conflict & the countries who participated's motivations are murky. Which is OK, as this is not a geo-political analysis of that war. Or any war. Today, 61 years later, the Korean war has never officially ended. There's a line of demarcation that's guarded on both sides, and official hostilities have been at a cease-fire for some decades now.
Back to the point of this entry: The young man from Choctaw County & his teammates scattered to various branches of the service & various training centers. He trained to be a combat medic. His training would unfortunately come in quite handy in the months to come in the combat-laden frozen wasteland that was much of the Korean peninsula, ca. the early 1950s.
He survived, thankfully. (I say "thankfully" for reasons that will become clear shortly) Today, he's still a tough guy physically & mentally & emotionally. Courage beyond what I can imagine, both during wartime and since coming home. Worked building airplanes in Mobile, AL, before a hearing problem ended that job for him. Married. Had a couple of children. When the hearing problem kicked into high gear, he moved his family back to Choctaw County. He built the house they live in now on a pretty spot of land that he cleared off to raise cows & have a few horses for fun. His youngest child "helped" him build, since she wasn't in school yet. Ever met a softie who's worked with cows & horses for much of his life? Me neither. I recall going to feed the cows with him some 25 years ago. I'm in my 20s, he's in his 50s...he tossed a big 100-lb sack of feed over each shoulder & away he went. I tried to toss one over one shoulder...didn't go well, & I was actively lifting weights at the time. As I say, he's a tough guy.
I've known him pretty well for around 30 years now.
27 of those as his son-in-law, who married the younger daughter who helped him build the house.
She has the same gorgeous blue eyes as her Daddy, plus the same hard work ethic. She loves the land like he does. She is as close to a Daddy's girl as a tough cattleman/soldier will ever have. This particular cattleman/soldier is just crazy about his grandchildren, who have added a dimension of tenderness to him these last 25 or so years. They, in turn, love their "Papa."
All of that said to say this: it's July 4, a day on which we celebrate our freedoms, as well we should. We honor our military, as we should on a daily basis in my opinion. But my challenge to each of us is to take the time to ask questions along the lines of "so, what was it like?" and then shut up & listen. Or perhaps a step back from that emotional brink would be just to say "thank you" to them.
I listened to some tell their stories on the radio today while driving home; at times, it was rather hard to see. (Must've been rain or fog or something...or something...) One of the radio stories was another guy who was in Korea & as squadron commander ordered his best friend from back home to go do some recon; several months later, the guy found his friend about to die in a Chinese P.O.W. camp. He buried his friend (& fellow P.O.W.) just minutes later on a hillside there in North Korea. Another guy is just back from Iraq a few years back, where he was at the proverbial end of the spear, doing necessary-but-regrettable things outside the wire at night with his unit. Some jackass HS acquaintance said to him shortly after he returned, "So, you're like a certified baby-killer now, huh? What's that like?" (If "jackass" is not the right word, there are others that are more offensive and perhaps more appropriate...)
Papa's Korea stories have unfolded over decades now, in small bits & pieces. They're buried deeply within his memory, locked away until that glorious day when the swords are hammered into plowshares & spears into pruning hooks, at which point the stories will no longer be needed. But they do spill out every now & then. Mostly around Christmas. Especially if Christmas is a cold one. "I remember that Christmas we spent in the field in Korea..."Usually a quick, short piece of a story, occasionally adorned with a picture or the worship bulletin from the Christmas Day service there. Just little glimpses into the unspeakable horrors that we all (understandably) blow past on holidays like July 4. "I remember going around from sleeping bag to sleeping bag in the morning & checking to see who was still alive & who had either frozen to death or suffocated when the snow covered their face"..."See this little guy from the Phillipines in the picture? I've seen him stack up North Koreans like rats using just his bayonet & knife"..."I remember seeing Chinese troops line up across the valley from us & just walk toward our lines, getting mowed down by our fire. They figured we'd run out of bullets before they ran out of soldiers..."
I love the parades & the pageantry of July 4. I'm descended from a long line of patriotic types, in the best sense of the word. And I married into that too. As we shake hands with those who came back & have a moment of silence for those who didn't & as we celebrate victories they won...PLEASE take time to try to listen to them if they'll talk about it. (I know others who won't; I certainly am not going to insist that they go back in their memories to the darkest days of their young lives!) Try to fathom what seeing & experienced things like this small-town boy from Choctaw County AL experienced when he was in Korea does to one's soul & psyche.
I close with this. A pastor I know in small-town north MS told me that when the movie "Saving Private Ryan" came out, he had several of his salt-of-the-earth tough guy farmers with families & homes & such come to his office, & sit just weep about memories they had locked away, never sharing them with anyone. Not even their brides of 50+ years. Seeing "Saving Private Ryan" triggered those memories & brought them to the surface. My pastor friend said, through his & my shared tears, one guy who's a deacon @ his church & a very gentle hard-working farmer shared that every Christmas, every birthday, & every family gathering of any kind brought clearly to mind the faces of German soldiers he killed in Europe in late 1944 & early 1945. Said it always bothered him greatly that those young Germans would never experience marriage or family or owning a home or children or grandchildren...
That, ladies & gents, is so very often what's behind the sober salutes & pinning on of the medals & attendance at the squadron reunions & the faraway stares this weekend.
Thank you, Father, that you raise up men & women who put on a uniform & take an oath & undergo tough training in order to be willing to ship out to places like Normandy...North Africa...Saipan...Iwo Jima...Korea...Viet Nam...Afghanistan...Iraq...Thank you for the freedoms we have, which have NEVER been free. Thank you especially that you've promised that day...that GLORIOUS, AMAZING day...when they will all hammer their swords into plowshares & their spears into pruning hooks & they shall remember war no more. Until then, may we as a nation honor them and be as thankful for them collectively & individually as I am for Jimmy Mixon, "Papa" to me & my children. Grant them all peace, Father.
Gratefully & humbly,
bb
Meanwhile, at a junior college in MS, this handsome young man with blue eyes & a great smile was arriving from Choctaw County in SW Alabama to go to school, and to play football on a pretty good JC team.
I believe it was the following summer that the entire football team--that's the entire team!--dropped out of school & enlisted in the military. They volunteered their services to go take a stand in South Korea because their country thought that was worth doing.
The details of that conflict & the countries who participated's motivations are murky. Which is OK, as this is not a geo-political analysis of that war. Or any war. Today, 61 years later, the Korean war has never officially ended. There's a line of demarcation that's guarded on both sides, and official hostilities have been at a cease-fire for some decades now.
Back to the point of this entry: The young man from Choctaw County & his teammates scattered to various branches of the service & various training centers. He trained to be a combat medic. His training would unfortunately come in quite handy in the months to come in the combat-laden frozen wasteland that was much of the Korean peninsula, ca. the early 1950s.
He survived, thankfully. (I say "thankfully" for reasons that will become clear shortly) Today, he's still a tough guy physically & mentally & emotionally. Courage beyond what I can imagine, both during wartime and since coming home. Worked building airplanes in Mobile, AL, before a hearing problem ended that job for him. Married. Had a couple of children. When the hearing problem kicked into high gear, he moved his family back to Choctaw County. He built the house they live in now on a pretty spot of land that he cleared off to raise cows & have a few horses for fun. His youngest child "helped" him build, since she wasn't in school yet. Ever met a softie who's worked with cows & horses for much of his life? Me neither. I recall going to feed the cows with him some 25 years ago. I'm in my 20s, he's in his 50s...he tossed a big 100-lb sack of feed over each shoulder & away he went. I tried to toss one over one shoulder...didn't go well, & I was actively lifting weights at the time. As I say, he's a tough guy.
I've known him pretty well for around 30 years now.
27 of those as his son-in-law, who married the younger daughter who helped him build the house.
She has the same gorgeous blue eyes as her Daddy, plus the same hard work ethic. She loves the land like he does. She is as close to a Daddy's girl as a tough cattleman/soldier will ever have. This particular cattleman/soldier is just crazy about his grandchildren, who have added a dimension of tenderness to him these last 25 or so years. They, in turn, love their "Papa."
All of that said to say this: it's July 4, a day on which we celebrate our freedoms, as well we should. We honor our military, as we should on a daily basis in my opinion. But my challenge to each of us is to take the time to ask questions along the lines of "so, what was it like?" and then shut up & listen. Or perhaps a step back from that emotional brink would be just to say "thank you" to them.
I listened to some tell their stories on the radio today while driving home; at times, it was rather hard to see. (Must've been rain or fog or something...or something...) One of the radio stories was another guy who was in Korea & as squadron commander ordered his best friend from back home to go do some recon; several months later, the guy found his friend about to die in a Chinese P.O.W. camp. He buried his friend (& fellow P.O.W.) just minutes later on a hillside there in North Korea. Another guy is just back from Iraq a few years back, where he was at the proverbial end of the spear, doing necessary-but-regrettable things outside the wire at night with his unit. Some jackass HS acquaintance said to him shortly after he returned, "So, you're like a certified baby-killer now, huh? What's that like?" (If "jackass" is not the right word, there are others that are more offensive and perhaps more appropriate...)
Papa's Korea stories have unfolded over decades now, in small bits & pieces. They're buried deeply within his memory, locked away until that glorious day when the swords are hammered into plowshares & spears into pruning hooks, at which point the stories will no longer be needed. But they do spill out every now & then. Mostly around Christmas. Especially if Christmas is a cold one. "I remember that Christmas we spent in the field in Korea..."
I love the parades & the pageantry of July 4. I'm descended from a long line of patriotic types, in the best sense of the word. And I married into that too. As we shake hands with those who came back & have a moment of silence for those who didn't & as we celebrate victories they won...PLEASE take time to try to listen to them if they'll talk about it. (I know others who won't; I certainly am not going to insist that they go back in their memories to the darkest days of their young lives!) Try to fathom what seeing & experienced things like this small-town boy from Choctaw County AL experienced when he was in Korea does to one's soul & psyche.
I close with this. A pastor I know in small-town north MS told me that when the movie "Saving Private Ryan" came out, he had several of his salt-of-the-earth tough guy farmers with families & homes & such come to his office, & sit just weep about memories they had locked away, never sharing them with anyone. Not even their brides of 50+ years. Seeing "Saving Private Ryan" triggered those memories & brought them to the surface. My pastor friend said, through his & my shared tears, one guy who's a deacon @ his church & a very gentle hard-working farmer shared that every Christmas, every birthday, & every family gathering of any kind brought clearly to mind the faces of German soldiers he killed in Europe in late 1944 & early 1945. Said it always bothered him greatly that those young Germans would never experience marriage or family or owning a home or children or grandchildren...
That, ladies & gents, is so very often what's behind the sober salutes & pinning on of the medals & attendance at the squadron reunions & the faraway stares this weekend.
Thank you, Father, that you raise up men & women who put on a uniform & take an oath & undergo tough training in order to be willing to ship out to places like Normandy...North Africa...Saipan...Iwo Jima...Korea...Viet Nam...Afghanistan...Iraq...Thank you for the freedoms we have, which have NEVER been free. Thank you especially that you've promised that day...that GLORIOUS, AMAZING day...when they will all hammer their swords into plowshares & their spears into pruning hooks & they shall remember war no more. Until then, may we as a nation honor them and be as thankful for them collectively & individually as I am for Jimmy Mixon, "Papa" to me & my children. Grant them all peace, Father.
Gratefully & humbly,
bb
Monday, June 27, 2011
Does Anybody Remember Wonder?
While waiting to board my plane in Houston to fly home, I grabbed this photo, which sparked this entry. Note first the two little kids farther away against the window to the right of the pole: They were unabashedly amazed at the plane, the guy driving the luggage cart, everything out there. Now notice the older kid close to me: He's a bit more cool, because it's no longer cool to be wide-eyed in wonder at his ripe old age of, what, 10? But he was still a bit excited, albeit in a subdued way.
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Something happens along the way as we grow older that steadily & systematically removes wonder from our normal range of emotions. We make life coldly rational & academic & intellectual, in the process killing off a healthy sense of wonder. (Reminder: 1) I am a professor who teaches a fairly coldly rational subject--finance; 2) Apart from that, my own default approach to life & its happenings is rational & academic.)
This killing of wonder is to our great detriment, in my opinion.
In the preface to The Lion, The Witch, & The Wardrobe, which introduces us to Narnia & Aslan the Lion & the white witch & an amazing world, C.S. Lewis wrote to this the young lady he wrote the stories for initially: "I suppose by the time I finish writing this, you'll be too old to read fairy tales any more. One day, though, you'll be old enough to read fairy tales again, and then you can read this and tell me what you think." (paraphrased)
So, the question: when do we grow old enough to read fairy tales again? When do we laugh with fauns & listen to beavers? When do we again become amazed that a hunk of metal can fly through the air with a bunch of people inside & come down far away at the location of the pilot's choosing? When do we again marvel at a sunset's beauty? Or the wonder of a night sky filled with stars? When do we stop & ponder the wag of a dog's tail & just smile? When are we allowed to be blown away by the absolute silence of a bike ride in the woods? When can we just stare in open-mouthed amazement at the USM Jazz Band as they perform? When do crepe myrtles blooming get to take our breath away again? When do we start again being absolutely astounded that s/he loves us just like we are? Or for that matter, jaw-droppingly astounded that love exists in the first place?
Consider these words: awesome...wonderful. Those words, like most words in our wonder-starved existence, have become cheapened. We apply them to pizza on a buffett, for crying out loud!
If the whole idea of "wonder" bothers your coldly rational self, I have a scary thought & a challenge for you. The scary thought: Heaven won't be enjoyable for you! The challenge: go read passages like Isaiah 6 & Revelation 19-21 & other Bible passages about heaven. Heaven will be a place of eternal awesome glorious wonder & amazement!
Perhaps our loss of wonder is why we short sell the Gospel if we regard it at all. The Gospel is not a self-help program whereby Jesus is our super-cool friend who helps get us over the bumps life throws at us, while winking at our shortcomings. Nor is the Gospel a political agenda (If you think one has to vote a certain way in order to be a Christian, there's quite a bit of the Book you need to re-read, and quite a number of people you need to meet! But that's another topic for another day...).
No, the Gospel as proclaimed in Scripture is that we were created in the image of & to have a close relationship with an all-knowing, all-powerful, absolutely holy & righteous & just God, Who knows every thought we ever will have & ever action we ever will take. Sin separates us from that close relationship. And He is justly offended by our sin nature & our sinful actions...but amazingly He is also totally loving of us just like we are, in all the muck & mire of our humanity & sins. His justice & righteous & holiness require atonement to be made. Note: God would be absolutely just if there were NO WAY to re-connect with Him & experience forgiveness; the reality that there's one way is infinitely more than we deserve. There's a good starting point for wonder...A totally just God Who is also totally loving. (Aside: Imagine a universe in which God were not just...*shudder*) Thus, the part that's so amazing that we will never get over it & we can only partially comprehend it by grace: "While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." That. Is. Amazingly. Awesome! (in the truest sense of the word)
Essentially, then, the bad news is that we're much worse off than we think we are; start by comparing yourself to total sinless perfection...yeah, me neither. The good news...the INCREDIBLE news!...is beyond our wildest dreams! That incredible news is that you & I are loved right now, just like we are by the One Who hung the stars, and Who pursues us desiring to have that relationship restored with us. So much so that, again, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
If your life has been reduced to coldly rational intellectualism, please consider this Gospel. Here it is in one verse: "The wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 6:23) Amazing grace, indeed!
Perhaps our loss of wonder is why Heaven seems like a boring place to imagine...and why faith seems so child-like, if not childish...and why we feel entitled to be loved...and why we yawn as we stand for Handel's glorious "Hallelujah Chorus"...
Let me leave you with some lyrics that Bill Gaither penned a while back, that just crush me every time I listen:
Worthy the Lamb
Hear the cries of the shackled from the onset of time,
For the chains of defeat, there's no key.
See the tears of the broken, the cries of the slaves,
Is there no one worthy to set us free?
Then the crying is stilled as the chorus rings out,
The shackled released from their chains,
And thousands of voices are swelling the song,
"Worthy the Lamb that was slain!"
Worthy, worthy, worthy the Lamb that was slain (repeat)
And all the archangels, the saints of all time,
Holding their crowns in their hands,
Fall down before Him, joining the song,
"Worthy, worthy the Lamb!"
(repeat chorus)
Do yourself a favor & watch this clip of the Gaither Vocal Band doing the song (5 minutes long). FYI, Bill's the first one who sings, and he himself would say, as a singer he's a very good songwriter. Still, note the emotions he & the other guys have after all these times singing this; note how Marshall Hall is only barely able to get through his verse; note Guy Penrod falling his tall self to his knees. Awesome...(Me? Yeah, I've watched it probably 50 times, & have a perfect record of 0 for 50 in terms of getting all the way through it without an allergy attack...I hope my record stays intact, if anyone's curious.)
Don't lose the wonder!
Amazed,
bb
I totally understand the eagerness to grow up & appear unphased about anything. It's what happens between his age and, say, mine that concerns me.
In the live version of Led Zeppelin's anthem "Stairway to Heaven" there's a point when Robert Plant chimes in with a plaintive cry, "Does anyone remember laughter??" If you know that version, picturing me in my best Robert Plant delivery, and here's my question in this blurb: "Does anyone remember wonder??"
This killing of wonder is to our great detriment, in my opinion.
In the preface to The Lion, The Witch, & The Wardrobe, which introduces us to Narnia & Aslan the Lion & the white witch & an amazing world, C.S. Lewis wrote to this the young lady he wrote the stories for initially: "I suppose by the time I finish writing this, you'll be too old to read fairy tales any more. One day, though, you'll be old enough to read fairy tales again, and then you can read this and tell me what you think." (paraphrased)
So, the question: when do we grow old enough to read fairy tales again? When do we laugh with fauns & listen to beavers? When do we again become amazed that a hunk of metal can fly through the air with a bunch of people inside & come down far away at the location of the pilot's choosing? When do we again marvel at a sunset's beauty? Or the wonder of a night sky filled with stars? When do we stop & ponder the wag of a dog's tail & just smile? When are we allowed to be blown away by the absolute silence of a bike ride in the woods? When can we just stare in open-mouthed amazement at the USM Jazz Band as they perform? When do crepe myrtles blooming get to take our breath away again? When do we start again being absolutely astounded that s/he loves us just like we are? Or for that matter, jaw-droppingly astounded that love exists in the first place?
Consider these words: awesome...wonderful. Those words, like most words in our wonder-starved existence, have become cheapened. We apply them to pizza on a buffett, for crying out loud!
If the whole idea of "wonder" bothers your coldly rational self, I have a scary thought & a challenge for you. The scary thought: Heaven won't be enjoyable for you! The challenge: go read passages like Isaiah 6 & Revelation 19-21 & other Bible passages about heaven. Heaven will be a place of eternal awesome glorious wonder & amazement!
Perhaps our loss of wonder is why we short sell the Gospel if we regard it at all. The Gospel is not a self-help program whereby Jesus is our super-cool friend who helps get us over the bumps life throws at us, while winking at our shortcomings. Nor is the Gospel a political agenda (If you think one has to vote a certain way in order to be a Christian, there's quite a bit of the Book you need to re-read, and quite a number of people you need to meet! But that's another topic for another day...).
No, the Gospel as proclaimed in Scripture is that we were created in the image of & to have a close relationship with an all-knowing, all-powerful, absolutely holy & righteous & just God, Who knows every thought we ever will have & ever action we ever will take. Sin separates us from that close relationship. And He is justly offended by our sin nature & our sinful actions...but amazingly He is also totally loving of us just like we are, in all the muck & mire of our humanity & sins. His justice & righteous & holiness require atonement to be made. Note: God would be absolutely just if there were NO WAY to re-connect with Him & experience forgiveness; the reality that there's one way is infinitely more than we deserve. There's a good starting point for wonder...A totally just God Who is also totally loving. (Aside: Imagine a universe in which God were not just...*shudder*) Thus, the part that's so amazing that we will never get over it & we can only partially comprehend it by grace: "While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." That. Is. Amazingly. Awesome! (in the truest sense of the word)
Essentially, then, the bad news is that we're much worse off than we think we are; start by comparing yourself to total sinless perfection...yeah, me neither. The good news...the INCREDIBLE news!...is beyond our wildest dreams! That incredible news is that you & I are loved right now, just like we are by the One Who hung the stars, and Who pursues us desiring to have that relationship restored with us. So much so that, again, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
If your life has been reduced to coldly rational intellectualism, please consider this Gospel. Here it is in one verse: "The wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 6:23) Amazing grace, indeed!
Perhaps our loss of wonder is why Heaven seems like a boring place to imagine...and why faith seems so child-like, if not childish...and why we feel entitled to be loved...and why we yawn as we stand for Handel's glorious "Hallelujah Chorus"...
Let me leave you with some lyrics that Bill Gaither penned a while back, that just crush me every time I listen:
Worthy the Lamb
Hear the cries of the shackled from the onset of time,
For the chains of defeat, there's no key.
See the tears of the broken, the cries of the slaves,
Is there no one worthy to set us free?
Then the crying is stilled as the chorus rings out,
The shackled released from their chains,
And thousands of voices are swelling the song,
"Worthy the Lamb that was slain!"
Worthy, worthy, worthy the Lamb that was slain (repeat)
And all the archangels, the saints of all time,
Holding their crowns in their hands,
Fall down before Him, joining the song,
"Worthy, worthy the Lamb!"
(repeat chorus)
Do yourself a favor & watch this clip of the Gaither Vocal Band doing the song (5 minutes long). FYI, Bill's the first one who sings, and he himself would say, as a singer he's a very good songwriter. Still, note the emotions he & the other guys have after all these times singing this; note how Marshall Hall is only barely able to get through his verse; note Guy Penrod falling his tall self to his knees. Awesome...(Me? Yeah, I've watched it probably 50 times, & have a perfect record of 0 for 50 in terms of getting all the way through it without an allergy attack...I hope my record stays intact, if anyone's curious.)
Don't lose the wonder!
Amazed,
bb
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Update Wed 6/22/11
--Got on Longleaf Trace yesterday morning for the 1st time in 6 weeks!
OK, so it was just for a 3-mile walk; wasn't for a bike ride...YET. That's coming, but I'm not able just now. I did ride down the driveway & back, which proved conclusively that I'm not ready for a real ride. Still, I'm pretty pumped about being back out there! I'm now all the more eagerly anticipating that next ride.
--Went 24 hrs w/ no pain meds yesterday! Not even an Ibuprofen!
I did take my "regular" Ibuprofen dose ~10 p.m. as I was heading to bed, as I was a bit sore. But that's a pretty significant milestone; 1st 24-hr pd in 5.5 weeks with no pain meds of any kind!
--Slowly getting out & about a bit & doing just a bit more.
Today's "more" was the walk. I'm heading over to WCU in the next few days to do just a little bit of office mgmt. there and to eat w/ some of my colleagues & friends (I use those interchangeably).
--I'm beginning to get pumped about getting back "on the podium" (as my brother calls it).
Which is good, since I'm teaching a class that starts July 5.
--I'm also really digging my "new" car!
I found it on cars.com, we drove up together to check it out, & then while I was in Houston, Lisa killed it & brought it home. *smile* 95 Toyota Camry, with only 50k miles on it. Looks very good, & so far has very few of the glitches one expects when buying a used car. Of course, the most significant improvement of this one over my other one--aside from looking LOTS better--is that this one has a working a/c. Which is pretty significant in the S. MS heat.
--Surgery wound-wise, nearly daily progress.
Less pain (see above about pain meds), and increased usefulness & mobility of my left arm/shoulder. It's actually quite amazing how much you miss being able to use an arm; even the "off" arm (I'm utterly right-handed). Now to re-gain strength. Or better, to wind up with more than I had 6 weeks ago. *laughing*
One of the great blessings of this cancer journey is being the recipient of so many intentional, sacrificial acts of kindness & friendship by so many. Cards, emails, "praying for you"/"rejoicing with you" messages on facebook,...not to mention lawn mowings, meals, & such. Very humbling!
I hope anew that I can soon be the hands & feet of Jesus, as so very many of you have been to us. I'll never be the same. For which I am most grateful.
With great love & thanksgiving,
Mike
p.s. - Got a few other entries percolating; you've been warned. ;-{)}
OK, so it was just for a 3-mile walk; wasn't for a bike ride...YET. That's coming, but I'm not able just now. I did ride down the driveway & back, which proved conclusively that I'm not ready for a real ride. Still, I'm pretty pumped about being back out there! I'm now all the more eagerly anticipating that next ride.
--Went 24 hrs w/ no pain meds yesterday! Not even an Ibuprofen!
I did take my "regular" Ibuprofen dose ~10 p.m. as I was heading to bed, as I was a bit sore. But that's a pretty significant milestone; 1st 24-hr pd in 5.5 weeks with no pain meds of any kind!
--Slowly getting out & about a bit & doing just a bit more.
Today's "more" was the walk. I'm heading over to WCU in the next few days to do just a little bit of office mgmt. there and to eat w/ some of my colleagues & friends (I use those interchangeably).
--I'm beginning to get pumped about getting back "on the podium" (as my brother calls it).
Which is good, since I'm teaching a class that starts July 5.
--I'm also really digging my "new" car!
I found it on cars.com, we drove up together to check it out, & then while I was in Houston, Lisa killed it & brought it home. *smile* 95 Toyota Camry, with only 50k miles on it. Looks very good, & so far has very few of the glitches one expects when buying a used car. Of course, the most significant improvement of this one over my other one--aside from looking LOTS better--is that this one has a working a/c. Which is pretty significant in the S. MS heat.
--Surgery wound-wise, nearly daily progress.
Less pain (see above about pain meds), and increased usefulness & mobility of my left arm/shoulder. It's actually quite amazing how much you miss being able to use an arm; even the "off" arm (I'm utterly right-handed). Now to re-gain strength. Or better, to wind up with more than I had 6 weeks ago. *laughing*
One of the great blessings of this cancer journey is being the recipient of so many intentional, sacrificial acts of kindness & friendship by so many. Cards, emails, "praying for you"/"rejoicing with you" messages on facebook,...not to mention lawn mowings, meals, & such. Very humbling!
I hope anew that I can soon be the hands & feet of Jesus, as so very many of you have been to us. I'll never be the same. For which I am most grateful.
With great love & thanksgiving,
Mike
p.s. - Got a few other entries percolating; you've been warned. ;-{)}
Friday, June 17, 2011
Drum roll, please! (MDA update, FRIDAY 6/17)
I'm back in the hotel room now, after this latest most-important-Dr.-appt of my life.
The P.E.T. Scan was clear!!!
(I'd high-five & hug every one, but really am physically unable to do that @ the moment due to post-op limitations. Give yourself one of each from me. *smile*)
What this means:
It means I have another 3 whole months of freedom until the next P.E.T. scan, & until the next most-important-appt-ever. I'd live large, if I weren't so sore. ;-{)}
(aside: I have a whole separate blog post percolating on life in 3-month increments. You've been warned.)
Now, the scan did catch one thing, that has zero to do with any new tumor development. I have a Gore-tex chest wall on my left side now, as of my surgery a month ago yesterday. Well, the P.E.T. scan shows that it's separated slightly from my actual flesh chest wall & left a small space in between. The radiologist reading the scan said this could be simply normal post-op adjustment & movement, but she cautioned to watch for infection. Nobody is worried about this, since I show no signs of infection, and am improving physically (if slowly for my tastes). And again, this has nothing to do with any new tumor development.
Thus, I'm sitting around pondering various punchlines related to my Gore-tex chest wall failing. Here's Jim's first pass, which I like: "Seems your surgeon should've used duct tape or something." And my own: "Should've paid the extra $$ for non-recycled plastic." *laughing*
Anyway, great news today. My step-Dad says let's have about 60 more of these clear quarterly scans. I'd take it!
So now, I leave the hotel ~8, & fly out @ 10, arriving in Jackson ~11:10, where I'll dine with this dashingly handsome & brilliant pharmacist in his last year of pharmacy school, who'll also chauffer me home. Handsome lad, that one.
Thanks so much for all your prayers & encouragement & acts of service, my friends.
With love & thanksgiving,
Mike
2 Corinthians 4:7, 16-18
The P.E.T. Scan was clear!!!
(I'd high-five & hug every one, but really am physically unable to do that @ the moment due to post-op limitations. Give yourself one of each from me. *smile*)
What this means:
It means I have another 3 whole months of freedom until the next P.E.T. scan, & until the next most-important-appt-ever. I'd live large, if I weren't so sore. ;-{)}
(aside: I have a whole separate blog post percolating on life in 3-month increments. You've been warned.)
Now, the scan did catch one thing, that has zero to do with any new tumor development. I have a Gore-tex chest wall on my left side now, as of my surgery a month ago yesterday. Well, the P.E.T. scan shows that it's separated slightly from my actual flesh chest wall & left a small space in between. The radiologist reading the scan said this could be simply normal post-op adjustment & movement, but she cautioned to watch for infection. Nobody is worried about this, since I show no signs of infection, and am improving physically (if slowly for my tastes). And again, this has nothing to do with any new tumor development.
Thus, I'm sitting around pondering various punchlines related to my Gore-tex chest wall failing. Here's Jim's first pass, which I like: "Seems your surgeon should've used duct tape or something." And my own: "Should've paid the extra $$ for non-recycled plastic." *laughing*
Anyway, great news today. My step-Dad says let's have about 60 more of these clear quarterly scans. I'd take it!
So now, I leave the hotel ~8, & fly out @ 10, arriving in Jackson ~11:10, where I'll dine with this dashingly handsome & brilliant pharmacist in his last year of pharmacy school, who'll also chauffer me home. Handsome lad, that one.
Thanks so much for all your prayers & encouragement & acts of service, my friends.
With love & thanksgiving,
Mike
2 Corinthians 4:7, 16-18
Thursday, June 16, 2011
UPDATE, Thurs, 6/16
Today was P.E.T. scan & bloodwork day.
Had bkfst ~7, which included a delightful visit w/ a 60-something couple from Kansas. She has pancreatic cancer, which is normally a very bad one. She has had it for...4 YEARS now! She said her Dr. back home refers to her as "weird." I told her I'm "living outside the numbers" acc. to mine here. When they left to catch the shuttle, she said "you stay outside the numbers, & I'll keep being weird." *huge grin*
Back to room to chill & write &read &facebook & such for a couple of hours. Regrettably, those hours did *not* include coffee...water only. All day...water only.
11:00 shuttle to MDA. Bloodwork, which involved filling a couple dozen vials. (OK, it was only 5.)
Obligatory MDA gear shopping trip @ giftshop, & then off to P.E.T. prep/scan.
--IV inserted, & toxic waste injected. ;-{)} (radioactive sugar, which tumors absorb, thus lighting up the scan)
--mandatory 1-hour nap lying still on back (my favorite part of this process)
--actual scan took ~40 minutes
Walked ~3/4 mile from Mays Clinic to main building! (Mostly, to see if I could. Note to all concerned about 100+ degree heat here: the walk is entirely indoors on an air-conditioned skyway.)
Ate the greatest-tasting bag of convenience-store peanuts ever (you know those 50-cent bags of chips by the register? It was one of those, but after 10 hours of water-only, it was *glorious*!), & a cup of coffee (again, water only for 10 hrs.)
Now sitting in hotel room watching U.S. Open reruns with a full belly after the best microwave dinner ever.
I was concerned about being physically able to lie still and to get in position for the scans because of my post-op physical limitations & of pain. Absolutely NO problem! Fell asleep quickly & stayed so for the nap part, & the scan only required minimal movement. Thanks MUCH to all who had prayed about this!
Now to watch the......clock.....move......s l o w l y......until tomorrow's 12:30 appt where I get the results of today's scan & bloodwork. In other words, tomorrow will be the latest most-important-Dr.-appt-of-my-life. I have one of those every three months, & this is the latest one. Prayers most welcome!
With love & hope,
Mike
Had bkfst ~7, which included a delightful visit w/ a 60-something couple from Kansas. She has pancreatic cancer, which is normally a very bad one. She has had it for...4 YEARS now! She said her Dr. back home refers to her as "weird." I told her I'm "living outside the numbers" acc. to mine here. When they left to catch the shuttle, she said "you stay outside the numbers, & I'll keep being weird." *huge grin*
Back to room to chill & write &read &facebook & such for a couple of hours. Regrettably, those hours did *not* include coffee...water only. All day...water only.
11:00 shuttle to MDA. Bloodwork, which involved filling a couple dozen vials. (OK, it was only 5.)
Obligatory MDA gear shopping trip @ giftshop, & then off to P.E.T. prep/scan.
--IV inserted, & toxic waste injected. ;-{)} (radioactive sugar, which tumors absorb, thus lighting up the scan)
--mandatory 1-hour nap lying still on back (my favorite part of this process)
--actual scan took ~40 minutes
Walked ~3/4 mile from Mays Clinic to main building! (Mostly, to see if I could. Note to all concerned about 100+ degree heat here: the walk is entirely indoors on an air-conditioned skyway.)
Ate the greatest-tasting bag of convenience-store peanuts ever (you know those 50-cent bags of chips by the register? It was one of those, but after 10 hours of water-only, it was *glorious*!), & a cup of coffee (again, water only for 10 hrs.)
Now sitting in hotel room watching U.S. Open reruns with a full belly after the best microwave dinner ever.
I was concerned about being physically able to lie still and to get in position for the scans because of my post-op physical limitations & of pain. Absolutely NO problem! Fell asleep quickly & stayed so for the nap part, & the scan only required minimal movement. Thanks MUCH to all who had prayed about this!
Now to watch the......clock.....move......s l o w l y......until tomorrow's 12:30 appt where I get the results of today's scan & bloodwork. In other words, tomorrow will be the latest most-important-Dr.-appt-of-my-life. I have one of those every three months, & this is the latest one. Prayers most welcome!
With love & hope,
Mike
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
WED 6/14 UPDATE (7:00 p.m.)
"So, Mr. Madaris, you are once again cancer-free. Let's stay that way this time..."
(delivered with a big smile)
And with those words, my surgeon for all 4 of my surgeries @ MDA dismissed me again with a big smile earlier this afternoon. *huge grin*
*VERY IMPORTANT CAVEAT!!* "Cancer-free" there means basically that the tumor I had a month ago is gone with good "margins" around it, & the pathology results from that surgery were all good. So, now the prayer & hope is to hear those same words on Friday after tomorrow's P.E.T. scan.
Still, today was a significant appointment. As fond as Lisa & I are of the guy, we hope we never walk into his part of MDA again. *smile*
As a HUGE bonus to today's fun, a childhood & HS friend took a day off & drove up to spend the morning & early afternoon with me. Let me fill in the details of how awesome that is: He left his house ~6:30 a.m., fixed a flat tire, & then drove 80 miles to get here to the hotel. We had bkfst here, & then he drove me to MDA. He hung w/ me there throughout my 2 appointments (!!). He took me to lunch @ a wonderful Cajun/Seafood place. He drove me to the store to pick up a couple of things I needed for the next couple of days, & then walked me back to the room, carrying my few things for me. As he left, he said, "Now if you need anything these next couple of days, call me; I'm only an hour & a half away."
Gotta love servant-minded friendship!!
(I'm grateful to have many servant-minded friends, some of whom are reading this.)
I'm SOOOO thankful & SOOOOO humbled by Jerone's sacrifice today! As best we could figure, we last saw each other in the Fall of 1977 @ a Florida-Auburn football game in Auburn (of all places!). We picked right up where we left off & had a great visit that just blessed my soul.
(BTW, Jerone, while I managed to stay awake all afternoon despite that huge & awesome lunch, I'm still pretty much in the same chair I've been in since you left 4 hours ago...) ;-{)}
Important note to those who see me & know me these days: both Jerone and I are rocking Hawaiian shirts, shirts, & sandals, which proves that you can take the boys off of the beach for many years, but you'll never get the beach off of the boys! *grin*
Thanks for your continued prayers, my friends!
Mike
(delivered with a big smile)
And with those words, my surgeon for all 4 of my surgeries @ MDA dismissed me again with a big smile earlier this afternoon. *huge grin*
*VERY IMPORTANT CAVEAT!!* "Cancer-free" there means basically that the tumor I had a month ago is gone with good "margins" around it, & the pathology results from that surgery were all good. So, now the prayer & hope is to hear those same words on Friday after tomorrow's P.E.T. scan.
Still, today was a significant appointment. As fond as Lisa & I are of the guy, we hope we never walk into his part of MDA again. *smile*
As a HUGE bonus to today's fun, a childhood & HS friend took a day off & drove up to spend the morning & early afternoon with me. Let me fill in the details of how awesome that is: He left his house ~6:30 a.m., fixed a flat tire, & then drove 80 miles to get here to the hotel. We had bkfst here, & then he drove me to MDA. He hung w/ me there throughout my 2 appointments (!!). He took me to lunch @ a wonderful Cajun/Seafood place. He drove me to the store to pick up a couple of things I needed for the next couple of days, & then walked me back to the room, carrying my few things for me. As he left, he said, "Now if you need anything these next couple of days, call me; I'm only an hour & a half away."
Gotta love servant-minded friendship!!
(I'm grateful to have many servant-minded friends, some of whom are reading this.)
I'm SOOOO thankful & SOOOOO humbled by Jerone's sacrifice today! As best we could figure, we last saw each other in the Fall of 1977 @ a Florida-Auburn football game in Auburn (of all places!). We picked right up where we left off & had a great visit that just blessed my soul.
(BTW, Jerone, while I managed to stay awake all afternoon despite that huge & awesome lunch, I'm still pretty much in the same chair I've been in since you left 4 hours ago...) ;-{)}
Thanks for your continued prayers, my friends!
Mike
Monday, June 13, 2011
Details of this week's MDA-related "Fun"
--Tues 6/14 => Anne Madaris drives me to Jackson; I fly to Houston @ 6:00 p.m. arriving @ 7:20.
(Something called “Business Select” class which sounds impressive! I’m trying to decide how to list it on my resume.)
--Wed 6/15 => Xray @ 10, appt w/ surgeon @ 11:00.
This is the easiest of the 3 days. Xrays will take ~ 2 minutes; appt w/ surgeon (hopefully) not much longer. Shouldn’t be much of an intense-emotion type day.
--Late lunch/hangout w/ HS/childhood buddy who I’ve probably not seen in 35 years (OK, this is not on the official MDA itinerary, but he lives nearby.) ;-{)}
--Thurs. 6/16 => P.E.T. scan + bloodwork (my “regular” followup tests & scans that I do every 3 months)
This is a physically-challenging day, but not an intense-emotion day either. (Well, except for those caused by walking into MDA any day & just seeing the many patients there…see “First Time Here” blog entry, for example) I’ll have to lie on my back still for a couple of hours not in a row; this will be *very* difficult w/ my chest/shoulder pain & shoulder mobility status these days. (Normally, I just catch a nap, including during the scan…)
The real bummer is that I can’t eat or drink anything except water for 6 hrs. prior. Scan is sched’d for 3:30 p.m. On the huge plus side, I’ll get to have breakfast, unlike most scan days.
--Fri 6/17 => appt w/ medical Dr. to get scan/blood results (this is my “main” guy there, & is the guy I see every 3 mos.)
Here’s the potentially intense-emotion day, as this is the 3-mo. appt that reveals the scan results. My Dr.’s going to be out for the next 2 weeks after this day, which means his sched this day could be…interesting. At least I get to eat 2 meals first!
--Sat 6/18 => fly back @ 10:00, arriving @ 11:10 (theoretically) James Madaris meets me @ Jackson airport & drives me to H’burg.
My passenger class this flight is, I think, “find a spot on the tail of the plane, strap in, & try to hang on” as opposed to “Business Select”. (insert cattle noises for those who have flown this class on SW Airlines) *laughing*
Getting from hotel to MDA & back will be done via free hotel shuttle; getting from airport to hotel & back will be via “Super Shuttle” which is a national company offering van rides to/from various airports that I find pretty interesting.
Thanks *so* much to all for your prayers & friendship! Both matter greatly to Lisa & me these past 3 years.
With love, faith, & hope,
Mike
p.s. – one *HUGE* bonus of this particular trip is getting 2 uninterrupted hours with each of my children. I GREATLY treasure such times…
(Something called “Business Select” class which sounds impressive! I’m trying to decide how to list it on my resume.)
--Wed 6/15 => Xray @ 10, appt w/ surgeon @ 11:00.
This is the easiest of the 3 days. Xrays will take ~ 2 minutes; appt w/ surgeon (hopefully) not much longer. Shouldn’t be much of an intense-emotion type day.
--Late lunch/hangout w/ HS/childhood buddy who I’ve probably not seen in 35 years (OK, this is not on the official MDA itinerary, but he lives nearby.) ;-{)}
--Thurs. 6/16 => P.E.T. scan + bloodwork (my “regular” followup tests & scans that I do every 3 months)
This is a physically-challenging day, but not an intense-emotion day either. (Well, except for those caused by walking into MDA any day & just seeing the many patients there…see “First Time Here” blog entry, for example) I’ll have to lie on my back still for a couple of hours not in a row; this will be *very* difficult w/ my chest/shoulder pain & shoulder mobility status these days. (Normally, I just catch a nap, including during the scan…)
The real bummer is that I can’t eat or drink anything except water for 6 hrs. prior. Scan is sched’d for 3:30 p.m. On the huge plus side, I’ll get to have breakfast, unlike most scan days.
--Fri 6/17 => appt w/ medical Dr. to get scan/blood results (this is my “main” guy there, & is the guy I see every 3 mos.)
Here’s the potentially intense-emotion day, as this is the 3-mo. appt that reveals the scan results. My Dr.’s going to be out for the next 2 weeks after this day, which means his sched this day could be…interesting. At least I get to eat 2 meals first!
--Sat 6/18 => fly back @ 10:00, arriving @ 11:10 (theoretically) James Madaris meets me @ Jackson airport & drives me to H’burg.
My passenger class this flight is, I think, “find a spot on the tail of the plane, strap in, & try to hang on” as opposed to “Business Select”. (insert cattle noises for those who have flown this class on SW Airlines) *laughing*
Getting from hotel to MDA & back will be done via free hotel shuttle; getting from airport to hotel & back will be via “Super Shuttle” which is a national company offering van rides to/from various airports that I find pretty interesting.
Thanks *so* much to all for your prayers & friendship! Both matter greatly to Lisa & me these past 3 years.
With love, faith, & hope,
Mike
p.s. – one *HUGE* bonus of this particular trip is getting 2 uninterrupted hours with each of my children. I GREATLY treasure such times…
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Update, 6/10/11 - 3 Weeks After Surgery
Bottom line: MUCH slower progress than I had hoped. But as Lisa reminded me a couple of days ago when I was having a bit of a whine-a-thon, I am *way* ahead of where I was after last year's surgery. Which is quite true.
On the plus side, I have now driven a car for three days in a row! It felt mighty good, & was frankly a bit invigorating, as sad as that may sound.)
There are more positives...
--I officially have no more bandages of any kind.
A week ago, we removed the last remaining bandages. Also a significant step. Everything looks good in terms of wound healing. Related aside: ever seen pictures of a shark bite? My surgery site looks like half of a shark bite. But rest easy; there will be zero pics of that part of the journey...*laughing* Another related aside: I now have some plastic ribs. My boss says this makes me "sustainable"...I like it! *smile*
--I've eased off of the pain meds during the day
Well, eased off of the narcotic ones; I still eat lots of Ibuprofen, per Doctor's orders. It hurts, but not so much as to incapacitate me any more. With that said,...
--I'm good for one outing a day...but only one!
Example: Sunday, I taught my Sunday School class, did my techie duties at church, went out to eat at a place we both really like...& then had to take the big pain pill & go deeply to sleep & stay semi-asleep for the rest of the day & evening.
So, I'm out & about a bit here & there, but still not very much.
--I'm getting some great reading done!
Obviously, I have a lot of free time, even after allowing for the reality that I'm asleep for much of it...*sigh* As a read-a-holic, free time means "time to read," which is a good thing. However, since my peak mental times come at varied times & don't last very long, I'm doing a lot of what I call "ADD reading" which means reading bits & pieces here & there. To wit,...
I just finished getting taught by one of the all-time greats, Dr. Howard Hendricks who just retired from Dallas Theological Seminary after decades of incredible teaching. (We've heard him speak during our days on staff w/ Campus Crusade, and he is amazing!) He wrote a little book called Teaching to Change Lives that I've gone through slowly these last couple of weeks. Fantastic read! I'll be going back & pulling out all of the notes I made things I underlined to try to help my SS teaching and my WCU teaching.
I'm also getting some superb one-on-one life coaching by one of the best, Dr. Henry Cloud, via his book The One-Life Solution: Reclaim Your Personal Life While Achieving Greater Professional Success. Loving it! (Aside: I try to read at least one "life management" type book every year; perhaps one year it'll sink in. *grin*)
In addition, I'm reading Predictably Irrational by Dr. Dan Ariely, & having a blast doing so. He teaches behavioral economics, and this book is basically a collection of fascinating empirical results that challenge some of the conventional wisdom of the field. ("Hi, I'm Mike, & I'm a nerd; in fact, I'm an Econ & Finance nerd"..."Hi, Mike! *grin*)
Finally, a couple of days ago, I finished George Tenet's At the Center of the Storm: The CIA During America's Time of Crisis. He was director of the CIA under Presidents Clinton & Bush, and therefore was present for & a key part of some of the most significant foreign policy decisions in America's history. Rise of al Qaeda, 9/11/01, Iraq War beginning, Afghanistan War beginning,...
So, yeah...my reading is varied these days...*huge grin*
--I've walked a few times, though not as frequently nor as far as I wish.
Working on it & making a bit of progress. I'm steeling myself for the possibility of a short bike ride soon; can't wait for that, whenever it happens!
Some Milestones yet to come:
--That first bike ride
--A complete day of staying awake!
(Of course, I've probably reached the point where I could transition from "pain-med-induced naptime" to "old-age-induced naptime"...*laughing)
--A full day of work @ the office
--Followup Scans to come this coming week (see separate entry coming with details.) Prayers most welcome, and SO greatly appreciated!
With love & hope & faith,
Mike
On the plus side, I have now driven a car for three days in a row! It felt mighty good, & was frankly a bit invigorating, as sad as that may sound.)
There are more positives...
--I officially have no more bandages of any kind.
A week ago, we removed the last remaining bandages. Also a significant step. Everything looks good in terms of wound healing. Related aside: ever seen pictures of a shark bite? My surgery site looks like half of a shark bite. But rest easy; there will be zero pics of that part of the journey...*laughing* Another related aside: I now have some plastic ribs. My boss says this makes me "sustainable"...I like it! *smile*
--I've eased off of the pain meds during the day
Well, eased off of the narcotic ones; I still eat lots of Ibuprofen, per Doctor's orders. It hurts, but not so much as to incapacitate me any more. With that said,...
--I'm good for one outing a day...but only one!
Example: Sunday, I taught my Sunday School class, did my techie duties at church, went out to eat at a place we both really like...& then had to take the big pain pill & go deeply to sleep & stay semi-asleep for the rest of the day & evening.
So, I'm out & about a bit here & there, but still not very much.
--I'm getting some great reading done!
Obviously, I have a lot of free time, even after allowing for the reality that I'm asleep for much of it...*sigh* As a read-a-holic, free time means "time to read," which is a good thing. However, since my peak mental times come at varied times & don't last very long, I'm doing a lot of what I call "ADD reading" which means reading bits & pieces here & there. To wit,...
I just finished getting taught by one of the all-time greats, Dr. Howard Hendricks who just retired from Dallas Theological Seminary after decades of incredible teaching. (We've heard him speak during our days on staff w/ Campus Crusade, and he is amazing!) He wrote a little book called Teaching to Change Lives that I've gone through slowly these last couple of weeks. Fantastic read! I'll be going back & pulling out all of the notes I made things I underlined to try to help my SS teaching and my WCU teaching.
I'm also getting some superb one-on-one life coaching by one of the best, Dr. Henry Cloud, via his book The One-Life Solution: Reclaim Your Personal Life While Achieving Greater Professional Success. Loving it! (Aside: I try to read at least one "life management" type book every year; perhaps one year it'll sink in. *grin*)
In addition, I'm reading Predictably Irrational by Dr. Dan Ariely, & having a blast doing so. He teaches behavioral economics, and this book is basically a collection of fascinating empirical results that challenge some of the conventional wisdom of the field. ("Hi, I'm Mike, & I'm a nerd; in fact, I'm an Econ & Finance nerd"..."Hi, Mike! *grin*)
Finally, a couple of days ago, I finished George Tenet's At the Center of the Storm: The CIA During America's Time of Crisis. He was director of the CIA under Presidents Clinton & Bush, and therefore was present for & a key part of some of the most significant foreign policy decisions in America's history. Rise of al Qaeda, 9/11/01, Iraq War beginning, Afghanistan War beginning,...
So, yeah...my reading is varied these days...*huge grin*
--I've walked a few times, though not as frequently nor as far as I wish.
Working on it & making a bit of progress. I'm steeling myself for the possibility of a short bike ride soon; can't wait for that, whenever it happens!
Some Milestones yet to come:
--That first bike ride
--A complete day of staying awake!
(Of course, I've probably reached the point where I could transition from "pain-med-induced naptime" to "old-age-induced naptime"...*laughing)
--A full day of work @ the office
--Followup Scans to come this coming week (see separate entry coming with details.) Prayers most welcome, and SO greatly appreciated!
With love & hope & faith,
Mike
Friday, May 27, 2011
Memorial Day
From the Revolutionary War through the present:
1,343, 812 killed while in military service.
1,529,230 wounded while in military service.
38,159 MIA while in military service. (starting w/ World War I)
If you are able,
save for them a place
inside of you
and save one backward glance
when you are leaving
for the places they can
no longer go...take one moment to embrace
those gentle heroes
you left behind.Major Michael Davis O'Donnell
1 January 1970
Dak To, Vietnam
On March 24th, 1970, Michael O'Donnell along with crew mates Berman Ganoe, John C. Hosken, Rudy M. Becerra, John Boronski, Gary A. Harned and Jerry L. Pool went Missing In Action.
One day, they will hammer their sords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks, and they shall remember war no more. Until then, join me in celebrating the lives & sacrificies of those who never came home. And be thankful for those who did, like, say, the former U.S. Navy pilot I'm hanging out with this afternoon.
Memorial Day? Baloney.
Every day is Memorial Day.
bb
Progress. Progress?
Here's the latest (Fri, 5/27, 8:00 a.m.)
Noticeable improvement. Still a considerable amount of pain, but visible improvement. And still a long way to go.
I still take 2 different pain meds, staggering them so that I'm taking something every 2 hours. (1's a narcotic; the other is a heavy dose of anti-inflammatory drugs). I *hate* taking lots of pain meds, because I hate the sleep/stupor they put me in. And yet I still have to do so because of pain. *sigh*
One big sign of progress is that I find myself looking @ the clock & getting bummed out as the time for the narcotic one approaches. Earlier in the week, I looked @ the clock in eager anticipation of temporary relief from pain the next dose would bring. Now I look with a heavy sigh, knowing that I still have to take it, and also knowing that it'll put me in that stupor for a while.
I'm still sleeping on the couch out of 2-way fear (hers and mine!) than Lisa or I will roll over in the night & hit my incision. Which would be a whole lot of bad...and would be pretty easy to do.
*Eagerly* anticipating the following, perhaps some day in the not-too-distant future:
--sleeping in my own bed
--NOT having to deal w/ the narcotic stupor
--sitting in a tub & soaking for a while (Progress: I *can* shower now, but no soaking in a bath tub)
--riding my bike
--driving my car
--an entire day of productivity, rather than the occasional minutes of productivity right now
--mowing my lawn (no, really! In the mean time though, I'm *so* thankful to a friend who has told us he'd mow it for as long as we needed)
Speaking of pain-med stupor, um...night night! *sigh*
Thanks for your continued prayers!
With love & hope,
Mike
Noticeable improvement. Still a considerable amount of pain, but visible improvement. And still a long way to go.
I still take 2 different pain meds, staggering them so that I'm taking something every 2 hours. (1's a narcotic; the other is a heavy dose of anti-inflammatory drugs). I *hate* taking lots of pain meds, because I hate the sleep/stupor they put me in. And yet I still have to do so because of pain. *sigh*
One big sign of progress is that I find myself looking @ the clock & getting bummed out as the time for the narcotic one approaches. Earlier in the week, I looked @ the clock in eager anticipation of temporary relief from pain the next dose would bring. Now I look with a heavy sigh, knowing that I still have to take it, and also knowing that it'll put me in that stupor for a while.
I'm still sleeping on the couch out of 2-way fear (hers and mine!) than Lisa or I will roll over in the night & hit my incision. Which would be a whole lot of bad...and would be pretty easy to do.
*Eagerly* anticipating the following, perhaps some day in the not-too-distant future:
--sleeping in my own bed
--NOT having to deal w/ the narcotic stupor
--sitting in a tub & soaking for a while (Progress: I *can* shower now, but no soaking in a bath tub)
--riding my bike
--driving my car
--an entire day of productivity, rather than the occasional minutes of productivity right now
--mowing my lawn (no, really! In the mean time though, I'm *so* thankful to a friend who has told us he'd mow it for as long as we needed)
Speaking of pain-med stupor, um...night night! *sigh*
Thanks for your continued prayers!
With love & hope,
Mike
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
"First Time Here..."
I saw it again a couple of months ago when I was last out here.
I totally felt the guy's pain & could relate to what I saw on his face.
I still remember, although from a different perspective.
This time, I was heading out of M.D. Anderson's main clinic to catch the motel shuttle after my "good news" visit, and there he was.
A guy who stepped inside the door for his first-ever visit there.
Like all of us on our first visit, he was absolutely overwhelmed, by which I mean his already worn-to-a-nub circuits were totally overloaded when he stepped inside the door.
There's no describing the depth of feeling and emotion he felt that day.
I know, because I can't describe my own feelings & emotions from that day for me 2.5 years ago. I've tried in this space and many other times in never-published drafts.
Based on my interpretation of what I saw, he was not the patient. She was waiting outside on the bench until he made sure they were in the right place. Conserving her strength for whatever this terrible detour into the deep woods & weeds of their life's journey held.
It was all right there on his face.
"There must be some mistake...cancer--especially the kind that gets one sent to MDA--happens to OTHER families. Not ours..."
"Look at the size of this place! We'll NEVER find the right place"
"I'm the guy; I'm supposed to know how things work. Here, I got NOTHING..."
"Is she gonna die? What happens between now & then? Can that be delayed?"
"My God, my God! Why have you forsaken me??"
Those five thoughts can create a mighty anguished look on the face. I 'spect mine looked that way too in May, 2008. Lisa's too, since she was actually in this guy's shoes as the spouse of the patient. (Aside: it's been said before, but bears repeating: it's WAY easier to be the patient than the spouse of the patient.)
He stopped in front of one of the police guys who happened to be near the door, & just said the one phrase: "First time here..."
He was too stunned to cry or even to talk much at that point. He just looked like a 5-year-old boy who's gotten away from his folks at a huge outdoor event & has no clue what to do nor where to go.
The policeman gently showed him to the concierge station just behind them, where his "process" questions were expertly answered. Which helps a LOT!
But still, the huge, gaping questions remained. Some of which will likely not be answered this side of eternity.
And once again, I wanted to hug a perfect stranger & say "There's hope! 2.5 years ago, I walked in here overwhelmed just like you. Stage IV of a very nasty breed of cancer. And yet, here I am, with no signs of cancer any more."
I didn't do that, nor say that. He was too busy getting directions & learning how the valet parking worked & where the escalators are & where the elevators are & what time the cafeteria closes & where the hospital part is & where the bathrooms are & how to retrieve a daily schedule & how often they'll need her patient ID number & that the coffee shop is right over there & where the regular cafeteria is & which elevator to take to get to the specialists in her type of cancer...
Which, frankly, are more pressing @ the moment than the deep questions cancer calls forth.
So, I prayed for him as he walked by & stepped out & called my brother to celebrate with me on the phone.
Just another day in the life of the tens of thousands of MDA cancer patients & families.
One day, cancer will be no more. Sickness & death will have been utterly & decisive defeated. Perhaps even a cancer vaccine will be developed before that day. Who knows?
But until then, please join me in thanking God for the men & women who work @ MDA, giving their days & energies to eradicating this illness I hate so much. Men & women who enfold every first time patient into the MDA world lovingly & tenderly & with great grace.
And please join me in praying for those who have to walk in & get a patient bracelet, and for their loved ones. Once, for example, I saw a young father & his very young daughter leaving as they talked about Mommy up there in the hospital room..."We'll come back tomorrow, Honey; Mommy needs her rest right now"...That'll break down the bogus "I-never-cry-because-I'm-a-man-&-I'm-strong" thinking in a quick hurry! And it will also do wonders for your prayer life & your gratitude quotient...
God, teach me to number my days, that I may gain a heart of wisdom (Psalm 90:12) Help me be thankful & grace-filled every day that you grant me, for I am already living "outside the numbers" to quote my Dr. Use me, Lord, glorify Your holy Name in me & through me. As the old hymn says, Make me a blessing to someone today. And God, grant grace & endurance to the Drs. & Nurses & Techs & Food Service Workers & Janitors & Security Guards & Welcome-Desk volunteers as they together seek to address this insidious, horrible illness known as cancer. And please, God, grant that same enabling grace & endurance to those whose universe has been rocked by a phone call or a Dr. appt. during which the bad news was received.
Use such things as cancer to make us LONG for that oh-so-glorious day when You Yourself will wipe away every tear from our eyes as sickness and death will be no more. May we be found faithful to magnify Your Name and the glories of the Gospel between now & then.
In the Glorious Grip of His Grace,
BB
I totally felt the guy's pain & could relate to what I saw on his face.
I still remember, although from a different perspective.
This time, I was heading out of M.D. Anderson's main clinic to catch the motel shuttle after my "good news" visit, and there he was.
A guy who stepped inside the door for his first-ever visit there.
Like all of us on our first visit, he was absolutely overwhelmed, by which I mean his already worn-to-a-nub circuits were totally overloaded when he stepped inside the door.
There's no describing the depth of feeling and emotion he felt that day.
I know, because I can't describe my own feelings & emotions from that day for me 2.5 years ago. I've tried in this space and many other times in never-published drafts.
Based on my interpretation of what I saw, he was not the patient. She was waiting outside on the bench until he made sure they were in the right place. Conserving her strength for whatever this terrible detour into the deep woods & weeds of their life's journey held.
It was all right there on his face.
"There must be some mistake...cancer--especially the kind that gets one sent to MDA--happens to OTHER families. Not ours..."
"Look at the size of this place! We'll NEVER find the right place"
"I'm the guy; I'm supposed to know how things work. Here, I got NOTHING..."
"Is she gonna die? What happens between now & then? Can that be delayed?"
"My God, my God! Why have you forsaken me??"
Those five thoughts can create a mighty anguished look on the face. I 'spect mine looked that way too in May, 2008. Lisa's too, since she was actually in this guy's shoes as the spouse of the patient. (Aside: it's been said before, but bears repeating: it's WAY easier to be the patient than the spouse of the patient.)
He stopped in front of one of the police guys who happened to be near the door, & just said the one phrase: "First time here..."
He was too stunned to cry or even to talk much at that point. He just looked like a 5-year-old boy who's gotten away from his folks at a huge outdoor event & has no clue what to do nor where to go.
The policeman gently showed him to the concierge station just behind them, where his "process" questions were expertly answered. Which helps a LOT!
But still, the huge, gaping questions remained. Some of which will likely not be answered this side of eternity.
And once again, I wanted to hug a perfect stranger & say "There's hope! 2.5 years ago, I walked in here overwhelmed just like you. Stage IV of a very nasty breed of cancer. And yet, here I am, with no signs of cancer any more."
I didn't do that, nor say that. He was too busy getting directions & learning how the valet parking worked & where the escalators are & where the elevators are & what time the cafeteria closes & where the hospital part is & where the bathrooms are & how to retrieve a daily schedule & how often they'll need her patient ID number & that the coffee shop is right over there & where the regular cafeteria is & which elevator to take to get to the specialists in her type of cancer...
Which, frankly, are more pressing @ the moment than the deep questions cancer calls forth.
So, I prayed for him as he walked by & stepped out & called my brother to celebrate with me on the phone.
Just another day in the life of the tens of thousands of MDA cancer patients & families.
One day, cancer will be no more. Sickness & death will have been utterly & decisive defeated. Perhaps even a cancer vaccine will be developed before that day. Who knows?
But until then, please join me in thanking God for the men & women who work @ MDA, giving their days & energies to eradicating this illness I hate so much. Men & women who enfold every first time patient into the MDA world lovingly & tenderly & with great grace.
And please join me in praying for those who have to walk in & get a patient bracelet, and for their loved ones. Once, for example, I saw a young father & his very young daughter leaving as they talked about Mommy up there in the hospital room..."We'll come back tomorrow, Honey; Mommy needs her rest right now"...That'll break down the bogus "I-never-cry-because-I'm-a-man-&-I'm-strong" thinking in a quick hurry! And it will also do wonders for your prayer life & your gratitude quotient...
God, teach me to number my days, that I may gain a heart of wisdom (Psalm 90:12) Help me be thankful & grace-filled every day that you grant me, for I am already living "outside the numbers" to quote my Dr. Use me, Lord, glorify Your holy Name in me & through me. As the old hymn says, Make me a blessing to someone today. And God, grant grace & endurance to the Drs. & Nurses & Techs & Food Service Workers & Janitors & Security Guards & Welcome-Desk volunteers as they together seek to address this insidious, horrible illness known as cancer. And please, God, grant that same enabling grace & endurance to those whose universe has been rocked by a phone call or a Dr. appt. during which the bad news was received.
Use such things as cancer to make us LONG for that oh-so-glorious day when You Yourself will wipe away every tear from our eyes as sickness and death will be no more. May we be found faithful to magnify Your Name and the glories of the Gospel between now & then.
In the Glorious Grip of His Grace,
BB
Monday, May 23, 2011
Update, 5/23, 9:00 p.m. => Home
After squeezing an 8-hour drive into 10 hours (because of having to stop & walk), we are home!!
I, of course, had the magic pain pills; therefore the trip did not seem that long at all. (Deep & frequent naps can distort time like that...) Lisa's trip probably seemed a tad bit longer methinks. She had to rely on the ipod, which today featured the teaching of Russell Moore & J.D. Grear, plus the music of Astral Project, among others. (She made it OK)
The post-op recovery continues to go surprisingly well. I've definitely had some significant pain, and will have more before it's over. However, both of us agree that this has been by far the best post-surgery recovery of the four. Even though I'm down more of the rib he took out last year...
So now I basically sit around & try to not move. (Aside: you know how uncomfortable it is to get pinched? Now picture that on the *inside* of the chest wall, with two of your ribs doing the pinching when you move...Hello pain meds!)
Lisa's off tomorrow, which is a great blessing for her. The agenda for the day is to re-patriate some cars & fetch the dogs. Then they & I will lie around & be utterly useless for a few days (I'm really hoping Lisa notices the difference! *huge grin*) while waiting on the incredible blend of God's grace, the wonder that is the human body, and better living through biochemstry to combine such that I'll be able to resume functioning as my usual semi-productive self.
Here are some things I'm *eagerly* looking forward to in the next couple of weeks:
--an actual shower
--washing my hair
--an actual sit-in-the-tub-&-soak bath
--walking farther than the end of my neighbor's yard
--riding my bike (that's a while down the road...see "pinching" analogy above...)
--driving a car (Anne & Lisa will come to eagerly anticipate this one too...)
I go back out to Camp Happyland in about a month for followup stuff. (Watch this space for details as they become known).
THANK YOU *so* much for your prayers & friendship. I deeply cherish the prayers & acts of service & encouraging words we've received through this journey.
With a full, loving, hopeful heart,
Mike
2 Cor:4:16-18
I, of course, had the magic pain pills; therefore the trip did not seem that long at all. (Deep & frequent naps can distort time like that...) Lisa's trip probably seemed a tad bit longer methinks. She had to rely on the ipod, which today featured the teaching of Russell Moore & J.D. Grear, plus the music of Astral Project, among others. (She made it OK)
The post-op recovery continues to go surprisingly well. I've definitely had some significant pain, and will have more before it's over. However, both of us agree that this has been by far the best post-surgery recovery of the four. Even though I'm down more of the rib he took out last year...
So now I basically sit around & try to not move. (Aside: you know how uncomfortable it is to get pinched? Now picture that on the *inside* of the chest wall, with two of your ribs doing the pinching when you move...Hello pain meds!)
Lisa's off tomorrow, which is a great blessing for her. The agenda for the day is to re-patriate some cars & fetch the dogs. Then they & I will lie around & be utterly useless for a few days (I'm really hoping Lisa notices the difference! *huge grin*) while waiting on the incredible blend of God's grace, the wonder that is the human body, and better living through biochemstry to combine such that I'll be able to resume functioning as my usual semi-productive self.
Here are some things I'm *eagerly* looking forward to in the next couple of weeks:
--an actual shower
--washing my hair
--an actual sit-in-the-tub-&-soak bath
--walking farther than the end of my neighbor's yard
--riding my bike (that's a while down the road...see "pinching" analogy above...)
--driving a car (Anne & Lisa will come to eagerly anticipate this one too...)
I go back out to Camp Happyland in about a month for followup stuff. (Watch this space for details as they become known).
THANK YOU *so* much for your prayers & friendship. I deeply cherish the prayers & acts of service & encouraging words we've received through this journey.
With a full, loving, hopeful heart,
Mike
2 Cor:4:16-18
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Sunday mornin' coming down...
(Update, Sun., 5/22, 8:30 a.m.)
--Relatively good night sleep for me last night (within context of a hospital, that is...which is an important clarification!)
--Considerable pain this a.m. I think it's just because I'm about due another batch of pain meds, but it hurts! Related, My left shoulder hurts during these "end-of-pain-med-dose" times. As it turns out, one's shoulder has to be contorted pretty seriously during surgery to get to where my tumor was; bummer!
--Dr. Mehran's resident, Dr. Marks, came by ~7:oo & said Dr. M would be by ~ 9:00 t0 check me again. Then, pull out the IVs & chest drains & color us gone!!
(Important note: based on prior experiences, the leaving process is a VERY slow one. So we will not be out in time to head back to the Burg today. We're planning to spend tonight in a hotel here & then head out tomorrow a.m. for the long drive home)
Even w/ this a.m.'s pain, this has been--by FAR--the easiest recovery yet, including the 2 VATS surgeries in Summer 08, which were much less intense surgeries than this one physically. Praying for that to continue in this next phase.
I'm very eager to have no more IV ports attached; that way, I'll stop catching them on clothes & bedsheets & tables & anything else around every dadburn time I move. *smile*
I'm also very eager to have these 2 chest drains removed. While walking around with two round vials of post-op chest surgery drainage fluids is pretty attractive & all,...the thrill is gone. *grin* (No pics, so rest easy) Once that's done, I'll be able to wear an actual shirt!
Which leads to this: Those who know me well will smile @ this mental image...Lisa had me a Hawaiian shirt custom-made for this occasion with full zippers down both sides! (so we can do wound care stuff) I can't wait to rock it on the ride out of here! Regs do require me to ride out of here on a wheelchair, sadly.
BTW, in the 30 min since I started writing this, the anti-inflammatory has kicked in for the shoulder. *Much* better already!
Hopefully, my next update will be from a hotel here in town.
Thanks SO much for your prayers & friendship & good thoughts! We are most blessed. One of the great things about this journey--really!--is that we see the very best people have to offer, & are reminded of the incomparable value of having friends & being a friend. Thank you for teaching us this anew, & for being the hands & feet of God for us!
With love & hope,
Mike
2 Cor 4:16-18
p.s. - VERY eager to put on the Hawaiian shirt! ;-{)}
--Relatively good night sleep for me last night (within context of a hospital, that is...which is an important clarification!)
--Considerable pain this a.m. I think it's just because I'm about due another batch of pain meds, but it hurts! Related, My left shoulder hurts during these "end-of-pain-med-dose" times. As it turns out, one's shoulder has to be contorted pretty seriously during surgery to get to where my tumor was; bummer!
--Dr. Mehran's resident, Dr. Marks, came by ~7:oo & said Dr. M would be by ~ 9:00 t0 check me again. Then, pull out the IVs & chest drains & color us gone!!
(Important note: based on prior experiences, the leaving process is a VERY slow one. So we will not be out in time to head back to the Burg today. We're planning to spend tonight in a hotel here & then head out tomorrow a.m. for the long drive home)
Even w/ this a.m.'s pain, this has been--by FAR--the easiest recovery yet, including the 2 VATS surgeries in Summer 08, which were much less intense surgeries than this one physically. Praying for that to continue in this next phase.
I'm very eager to have no more IV ports attached; that way, I'll stop catching them on clothes & bedsheets & tables & anything else around every dadburn time I move. *smile*
I'm also very eager to have these 2 chest drains removed. While walking around with two round vials of post-op chest surgery drainage fluids is pretty attractive & all,...the thrill is gone. *grin* (No pics, so rest easy) Once that's done, I'll be able to wear an actual shirt!
Which leads to this: Those who know me well will smile @ this mental image...Lisa had me a Hawaiian shirt custom-made for this occasion with full zippers down both sides! (so we can do wound care stuff) I can't wait to rock it on the ride out of here! Regs do require me to ride out of here on a wheelchair, sadly.
BTW, in the 30 min since I started writing this, the anti-inflammatory has kicked in for the shoulder. *Much* better already!
Hopefully, my next update will be from a hotel here in town.
Thanks SO much for your prayers & friendship & good thoughts! We are most blessed. One of the great things about this journey--really!--is that we see the very best people have to offer, & are reminded of the incomparable value of having friends & being a friend. Thank you for teaching us this anew, & for being the hands & feet of God for us!
With love & hope,
Mike
2 Cor 4:16-18
p.s. - VERY eager to put on the Hawaiian shirt! ;-{)}
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Update, Saturday, 5/21, noon
There's progress. Remember my comment about post-op recovery being a progressive unplugging of tubes & catheters & such? I'm down to one working attachment, & it's being removed in the next few minutes! (Still have 4 separate IV's attached, but they're not wired to anything @ the moment; oh and the fingertip oxygen monitor, but I disconnect that one to go on our walks)
A couple of hrs ago, they turned off & disconnected my epidural pain med pump. @ that point, I switched to oral pain meds. (The epi is still there, but it's not hooked up to anything any more). Assuming that switch continues to go well, we're discharged tomorrow!!!! Will spend tomorrow night here & then head east Mon. a.m.
Thus far, the switch is going well, and this is still the best post-op recovery period I've had. *Much* less pain than last Summer's recovery; much less pain med required, etc. As an added bonus, each of the 3 meals I've had are still on board! (as opposed to the previous three surgeries...*clears throat nervously* *smile*) Plz join me in praying that continues the rest of today + when we get home.
Aside: my surgeon is dept. head of thoracic surgery...da boss. And yet, here he was @ 10:00 on a Saturday morning, checking on me.
Another aside: he said I should be able to ride Short Ribs the bike this week!! (While I'm generally very optimistic, I'm not sure about that one...maybe the following week...*smile*)
FYI, this tumor was a new metastisis, even though it was in the same area as the last one.
TOTALLY UNRELATED PRAYER REQUEST:
My nephew Jamie (Jim's older son) is marrying his sweetie Liz tonight in Nashville (they've been dating since high school; 7 years!). Obviously, we won't be there for the wedding; Jim says we'll "be there for the marriage, if not the wedding," which sentiment I just LOVE. Plz pray for Jamie & Liz as they start their life together. They are great folks; among the many 20-somethings that give me hope for the future. Thanks so much! (and MAN, do I wish I could be there! *sigh*)
Thank you SO VERY MUCH for your prayers & thoughts & love for us! Words fail @ this point, but know that you've been prayed for from room 717 of the thoracic surgery recovery ward of MDA today.
In His Grip,
Mike
A couple of hrs ago, they turned off & disconnected my epidural pain med pump. @ that point, I switched to oral pain meds. (The epi is still there, but it's not hooked up to anything any more). Assuming that switch continues to go well, we're discharged tomorrow!!!! Will spend tomorrow night here & then head east Mon. a.m.
Thus far, the switch is going well, and this is still the best post-op recovery period I've had. *Much* less pain than last Summer's recovery; much less pain med required, etc. As an added bonus, each of the 3 meals I've had are still on board! (as opposed to the previous three surgeries...*clears throat nervously* *smile*) Plz join me in praying that continues the rest of today + when we get home.
Aside: my surgeon is dept. head of thoracic surgery...da boss. And yet, here he was @ 10:00 on a Saturday morning, checking on me.
Another aside: he said I should be able to ride Short Ribs the bike this week!! (While I'm generally very optimistic, I'm not sure about that one...maybe the following week...*smile*)
FYI, this tumor was a new metastisis, even though it was in the same area as the last one.
TOTALLY UNRELATED PRAYER REQUEST:
My nephew Jamie (Jim's older son) is marrying his sweetie Liz tonight in Nashville (they've been dating since high school; 7 years!). Obviously, we won't be there for the wedding; Jim says we'll "be there for the marriage, if not the wedding," which sentiment I just LOVE. Plz pray for Jamie & Liz as they start their life together. They are great folks; among the many 20-somethings that give me hope for the future. Thanks so much! (and MAN, do I wish I could be there! *sigh*)
Thank you SO VERY MUCH for your prayers & thoughts & love for us! Words fail @ this point, but know that you've been prayed for from room 717 of the thoracic surgery recovery ward of MDA today.
In His Grip,
Mike
Friday, May 20, 2011
Post-Op Report, Friday 5/20/11
Live, from a room @ M. D. Anderson, it's mmbeachbum with an update at 4:30 p.m. on May 20...
*Huge* difference between this surgery's recovery & last year's recovery so far. This one's going *much* better. Far less pain...much easier to breathe...much easier to walk (I actually walked last night, just a few hrs after surgery!)...much less pain meds required...which means I'm much more coherent (insert your own punchline here *grin*)...already off of post-op oxygen (last year we travelled home w/ oxygen & needed it a few days after arriving in the Burg.)
The big explanation for this: the grace of El Elyon, sovereign God of the universe! (and one of my favorite names of God in Scripture)
The detailed explanation: different approach to pain mgmt this time. I had a epidural pump inserted into my spine very similar to what some ladies have during childbirth. (I was assured beforehand that I'm past child-bearing years, so we felt safe. *chuckle*) This device pumps meds continuously that block nerves; plus, I have an extra pump I can hit as needed to give an extra shot. (I needed it last night & early this morning; haven't needed it since) Use of this particular pain mgmt approach means I need far fewer narcotic type drugs. That's the most likely medical explanation.
Whatever the reason, I'll take it! *smile*
Of course, the bummer is, the pump gets removed when I leave, at which point the pain of getting cut on will likely elevate significantly. But let's not talk about that just now...*another smile*
As an added bonus, post-op pain meds usually have a single-episode of a very impressive effect that I'll not elaborate on much. Let's just say that I'm very pleased that my first real meal at lunch today is...well, still on board. ;-{)}
PRAYER REQUESTS FROM HERE FORWARD:
--continuation of the good post-op recovery
--safe travels back home whenever we get released
(estimate is 3-5 days after surgery; we're ready when it happens & aren't worried about when that is)
--quick & complete recovery once I get back home.
Basically, I'm eager to get back on Short Ribs the bike!
(Due to thoughtful graciousness by my boss & a colleague, I don't have to teach again until July, which frees up a bunch of time to recover fully...hopefully)
--And the Biggie: PLEASE PRAY THAT THIS MELANOMA NEVER COMES BACK AGAIN!
We've had *great* experiences with some amazing Drs. & Nurses & Techs & other patients out here...But I much prefer clean scans that do not require surgery or immunotherapy or chemo or anything like that.
Lisa & I are so humbled & so thankful to be prayed for & served by so many. We'd not have chosen this journey, but we are SO very blessed to have seen the Body of Christ function on our behalf. As nasty as cancer is, I shudder to ponder having to undergo the journey of the last three years without the prayers & love of our friends, some of whom we haven't even met yet.
With love & hope,
Mike
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
*Huge* difference between this surgery's recovery & last year's recovery so far. This one's going *much* better. Far less pain...much easier to breathe...much easier to walk (I actually walked last night, just a few hrs after surgery!)...much less pain meds required...which means I'm much more coherent (insert your own punchline here *grin*)...already off of post-op oxygen (last year we travelled home w/ oxygen & needed it a few days after arriving in the Burg.)
The big explanation for this: the grace of El Elyon, sovereign God of the universe! (and one of my favorite names of God in Scripture)
The detailed explanation: different approach to pain mgmt this time. I had a epidural pump inserted into my spine very similar to what some ladies have during childbirth. (I was assured beforehand that I'm past child-bearing years, so we felt safe. *chuckle*) This device pumps meds continuously that block nerves; plus, I have an extra pump I can hit as needed to give an extra shot. (I needed it last night & early this morning; haven't needed it since) Use of this particular pain mgmt approach means I need far fewer narcotic type drugs. That's the most likely medical explanation.
Whatever the reason, I'll take it! *smile*
Of course, the bummer is, the pump gets removed when I leave, at which point the pain of getting cut on will likely elevate significantly. But let's not talk about that just now...*another smile*
As an added bonus, post-op pain meds usually have a single-episode of a very impressive effect that I'll not elaborate on much. Let's just say that I'm very pleased that my first real meal at lunch today is...well, still on board. ;-{)}
PRAYER REQUESTS FROM HERE FORWARD:
--continuation of the good post-op recovery
--safe travels back home whenever we get released
(estimate is 3-5 days after surgery; we're ready when it happens & aren't worried about when that is)
--quick & complete recovery once I get back home.
Basically, I'm eager to get back on Short Ribs the bike!
(Due to thoughtful graciousness by my boss & a colleague, I don't have to teach again until July, which frees up a bunch of time to recover fully...hopefully)
--And the Biggie: PLEASE PRAY THAT THIS MELANOMA NEVER COMES BACK AGAIN!
We've had *great* experiences with some amazing Drs. & Nurses & Techs & other patients out here...But I much prefer clean scans that do not require surgery or immunotherapy or chemo or anything like that.
Lisa & I are so humbled & so thankful to be prayed for & served by so many. We'd not have chosen this journey, but we are SO very blessed to have seen the Body of Christ function on our behalf. As nasty as cancer is, I shudder to ponder having to undergo the journey of the last three years without the prayers & love of our friends, some of whom we haven't even met yet.
With love & hope,
Mike
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Go Time!
Thursday a.m. (5/19) @ 8:00, we report to MDA for metastatic melanoma surgery #4 since Summer 08. I'll be under the excellent surgical care of Dr. Mehran, who did the other three also.
To my chagrin, this one--like last year's--will require removing part of another rib. Which means (lots) more than a few days of feeling yucky when we get back home. (Last year, I had to re-fill the pain med prescription they sent home with me...yeah...*sigh*)
[Ever known a 50-something-year-old mixed martial arts fighter who's missing parts of multiple ribs? Me neither. So since that career path is out, I s'pose I'll keep on professoring. ;-{)} ]
What's it like the night before metastatic melanoma surgery? What goes through one's mind?
I can't answer for everyone; just me. Bottom line: Very Heavy-Duty stuff! I'm pondering things like pain, my own mortality (as Dr. Mehran says, we should not take surgery lightly!), heaven (how awesome it will be whenever that day comes for me), friends (great ones I have & not-so-great one that I've been at times), being a husband & father (basically, coming to grips that I've not been nearly what I should be as a husband & as a father...and earnestly desiring more chances to love & lead Lisa, James, & Anne...and trusting that God's grace will magnify my efforts far beyond my own abilities), unfinished business, life & ministry impact (or lack thereof at times), the you-gotta-be-kidding-me amazing grace of God that overcomes all of my own sins & shortcomings...
Fairly overpowering stuff, apart from the grace of God, I gotta tell you! (Nearly overpowering *with* the grace of God!) I'm struck that such things should go through our minds at times *other than* the night before surgery...Hmmm...
Gloriously, God gives a greater grace in the form of mental blocking mechanisms & distractions. (Related, I'm VERY thankful for Stu Weber's book Infinite Impact on this trip...I've long loved Stu's writing, & this one's exactly what I needed so far on this trip.) Plus, my Business students will be pleased to hear that our hotel's free newspaper is the Wall St. Journal. Oddly, there seem to be extra copies left @ the end of each day. Strange... ;-{)}
Also, as much of a bummer as another surgery recovery is, a quick glance around MDA--even just around our hotel!--reminds me that as far as cancer journeys go, I am *most* blessed & fortunate! On a fairly regular basis, I'm undone by seeing fellow patients & their families. I rarely cry when I see them...until they pass by, or until a bathroom avails itself, whichever.
**PLEASE PRAY FOR LISA TOMORROW!**
My part's easy; hers is...not easy. I'd *much* rather be the patient than the loved one of the patient!
So our hope is that by this time tomorrow I'm in the warehouse as I call it (recovery room) getting ready to head to our regular hospital room. Our further hope is that by this time next week, we've been back home in H'burg for a couple of days already with me on the mend.
While you're at it, would you please pray that the melanoma doesn't come back in me ever again? I'd *love* for that to be the case, but that, of course is not up to me nor to Dr. Mehran, nor any other Dr. here.
Thanks so much for holding us up & encouraging us through "this light, momentary affliction."
With much love & great hope,
Mike
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
(p.s. - ever seen an xray of a guy missing part of a rib? It's fascinating...would be more so if it weren't an xray of me! *smile*)
p.p.s. for all who insist on lying in the sun and/or on the tanning bed: I have some scars to show you, with more to come tomorrow...and my melanoma showed up over 30 years after I moved away from the beach. And my family does not have a history of melanoma; well, not until me. Effect, meet cause...
To my chagrin, this one--like last year's--will require removing part of another rib. Which means (lots) more than a few days of feeling yucky when we get back home. (Last year, I had to re-fill the pain med prescription they sent home with me...yeah...*sigh*)
[Ever known a 50-something-year-old mixed martial arts fighter who's missing parts of multiple ribs? Me neither. So since that career path is out, I s'pose I'll keep on professoring. ;-{)} ]
What's it like the night before metastatic melanoma surgery? What goes through one's mind?
I can't answer for everyone; just me. Bottom line: Very Heavy-Duty stuff! I'm pondering things like pain, my own mortality (as Dr. Mehran says, we should not take surgery lightly!), heaven (how awesome it will be whenever that day comes for me), friends (great ones I have & not-so-great one that I've been at times), being a husband & father (basically, coming to grips that I've not been nearly what I should be as a husband & as a father...and earnestly desiring more chances to love & lead Lisa, James, & Anne...and trusting that God's grace will magnify my efforts far beyond my own abilities), unfinished business, life & ministry impact (or lack thereof at times), the you-gotta-be-kidding-me amazing grace of God that overcomes all of my own sins & shortcomings...
Fairly overpowering stuff, apart from the grace of God, I gotta tell you! (Nearly overpowering *with* the grace of God!) I'm struck that such things should go through our minds at times *other than* the night before surgery...Hmmm...
Gloriously, God gives a greater grace in the form of mental blocking mechanisms & distractions. (Related, I'm VERY thankful for Stu Weber's book Infinite Impact on this trip...I've long loved Stu's writing, & this one's exactly what I needed so far on this trip.) Plus, my Business students will be pleased to hear that our hotel's free newspaper is the Wall St. Journal. Oddly, there seem to be extra copies left @ the end of each day. Strange... ;-{)}
Also, as much of a bummer as another surgery recovery is, a quick glance around MDA--even just around our hotel!--reminds me that as far as cancer journeys go, I am *most* blessed & fortunate! On a fairly regular basis, I'm undone by seeing fellow patients & their families. I rarely cry when I see them...until they pass by, or until a bathroom avails itself, whichever.
**PLEASE PRAY FOR LISA TOMORROW!**
My part's easy; hers is...not easy. I'd *much* rather be the patient than the loved one of the patient!
So our hope is that by this time tomorrow I'm in the warehouse as I call it (recovery room) getting ready to head to our regular hospital room. Our further hope is that by this time next week, we've been back home in H'burg for a couple of days already with me on the mend.
While you're at it, would you please pray that the melanoma doesn't come back in me ever again? I'd *love* for that to be the case, but that, of course is not up to me nor to Dr. Mehran, nor any other Dr. here.
Thanks so much for holding us up & encouraging us through "this light, momentary affliction."
With much love & great hope,
Mike
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
(p.s. - ever seen an xray of a guy missing part of a rib? It's fascinating...would be more so if it weren't an xray of me! *smile*)
p.p.s. for all who insist on lying in the sun and/or on the tanning bed: I have some scars to show you, with more to come tomorrow...and my melanoma showed up over 30 years after I moved away from the beach. And my family does not have a history of melanoma; well, not until me. Effect, meet cause...
Monday, May 16, 2011
Why, God, Why??
(Some birthday musings I've been pondering lately, coming to you live from Houston & a hotel near M.D. Anderson Cancer Center. Caution: this one's pretty alarmingly transparent; I question God repeatedly in it. You've been warned.)
WHY, GOD, WHY??
...why was I born an American, where there were no police busting up my church's worship services yesterday?
...why was I born into a family that loved me & nurtured me & disciplined me & taught me & encouraged me & provided for me? Why did you allow me to have James E. Madaris & Sarah B. Madaris Hicks as my amazing parents?
...why was I allowed to be John & Martha Benton's grandson and Charlie & Mattie Madaris' grandson?
...why did you give me such an excellent brother who has become such a great friend?
...why did you give me such an oustanding bunch of relatives who love me & encourage me & teach me & challenge me & pray for me & guide me & love me anyway?
...why, oh why, did such a wonderful, beautiful lady fall in love with me & marry me nearly 27 years ago?
...why did you grant me two such amazing children, who are so very different and yet so very much fun to hang out with?
...why did you let me sit under the fantastic preaching of Dr. Tony Merida for four years?
...why did you give me friends from all over the planet?
...why did you redeem me by your grace, despite my many & manifest shortcomings & failures & sins & despite my rebellion against your love, both actively & passively?
...why did you allow me to grow up around the beautiful beaches of NW FL & on the Choctawhatchee Bay?
...why did you give me so many friends growing up, so many of whom are still friends today decades after I moved away from there?
...why did you put me around so many excellent friends in Gainesville, FL despite my own hammerheadedness back then?
...why did you let me attend the University of Alabama, thereby fulfilling a childhood dream?
...why did you put me under the discipling ministry of this veterinarian from Smith County, MS named Johnny Mayfield?
...why did you let me sit under the incredible Bible teaching of this pediatrician from the MS Gulf Coast named Ronnie Kent, who still teaches me & encourages me & prays for me despite my having not been in his class for nearly 20 years?
...why have you given me so many amazing friends from Temple Baptist Church where I've been a member for 21 years? And so many others from the Hattiesburg area where we've lived that same 21 years?
...why do you let me teach some *superb* folks in an adult Bible study class every Sunday morning?
...why did you let a chowderhead like me earn a Ph.D. in Financial Economics and then have some fantastic jobs, including most of all the one I have now at William Carey University, where I'm surrounded by incredible colleagues & awesome students, many of whom become friends?
...why did you let me come under the incredible medical care of Drs. Brett Robbins, Steve Conerly, Greg Owens, Nagen Bellare, & Rick Pecunia in Hattiesburg? And under the incredible medical care of Drs. Homsi & Mehran out here at M.D. Anderson?
...why am I still around three years after stage IV metastatic melanoma reared its ugly head?
...why is my prognosis for this upcoming surgery 3 days from now rather positive?
...why have you allowed me to live 52 years, despite my own foolishness in so many ways through those years?
...why do you magnify yourself through such a vastly inferior dude as myself?
...why, O why, God? Why do you love me so? Why are you so good to a wretch like me?
WHY, GOD, WHY??
...why was I born an American, where there were no police busting up my church's worship services yesterday?
...why was I born into a family that loved me & nurtured me & disciplined me & taught me & encouraged me & provided for me? Why did you allow me to have James E. Madaris & Sarah B. Madaris Hicks as my amazing parents?
...why was I allowed to be John & Martha Benton's grandson and Charlie & Mattie Madaris' grandson?
...why did you give me such an excellent brother who has become such a great friend?
...why did you give me such an oustanding bunch of relatives who love me & encourage me & teach me & challenge me & pray for me & guide me & love me anyway?
...why, oh why, did such a wonderful, beautiful lady fall in love with me & marry me nearly 27 years ago?
...why did you grant me two such amazing children, who are so very different and yet so very much fun to hang out with?
...why did you let me sit under the fantastic preaching of Dr. Tony Merida for four years?
...why did you give me friends from all over the planet?
...why did you redeem me by your grace, despite my many & manifest shortcomings & failures & sins & despite my rebellion against your love, both actively & passively?
...why did you allow me to grow up around the beautiful beaches of NW FL & on the Choctawhatchee Bay?
...why did you give me so many friends growing up, so many of whom are still friends today decades after I moved away from there?
...why did you put me around so many excellent friends in Gainesville, FL despite my own hammerheadedness back then?
...why did you let me attend the University of Alabama, thereby fulfilling a childhood dream?
...why did you put me under the discipling ministry of this veterinarian from Smith County, MS named Johnny Mayfield?
...why did you let me sit under the incredible Bible teaching of this pediatrician from the MS Gulf Coast named Ronnie Kent, who still teaches me & encourages me & prays for me despite my having not been in his class for nearly 20 years?
...why have you given me so many amazing friends from Temple Baptist Church where I've been a member for 21 years? And so many others from the Hattiesburg area where we've lived that same 21 years?
...why do you let me teach some *superb* folks in an adult Bible study class every Sunday morning?
...why did you let a chowderhead like me earn a Ph.D. in Financial Economics and then have some fantastic jobs, including most of all the one I have now at William Carey University, where I'm surrounded by incredible colleagues & awesome students, many of whom become friends?
...why did you let me come under the incredible medical care of Drs. Brett Robbins, Steve Conerly, Greg Owens, Nagen Bellare, & Rick Pecunia in Hattiesburg? And under the incredible medical care of Drs. Homsi & Mehran out here at M.D. Anderson?
...why am I still around three years after stage IV metastatic melanoma reared its ugly head?
...why is my prognosis for this upcoming surgery 3 days from now rather positive?
...why have you allowed me to live 52 years, despite my own foolishness in so many ways through those years?
...why do you magnify yourself through such a vastly inferior dude as myself?
...why, O why, God? Why do you love me so? Why are you so good to a wretch like me?
Saturday, May 14, 2011
The M.D. Anderson Schedule for Next Week (in briefer form)
Here, FYI/FYP, is the sched of the upcoming festivities related to my next surgery:
Sunday 5/15 - Lisa & I drive to Houston after teaching my Sunday School class.
Monday 5/16 - Pre-op scan/test/stick day
Tuesday 5/17 - Dr. appts: 1 w/ surgeon, 1 w/ anesthesia
Wed 5/18 - Off; nothing on the schedule
Thurs 5/19 - Surgery Day!!
Dr. Mehran likes to operate early; my guess is that we'll be @ the hospital ~6:00, w/ surgery to follow shortly after.
**Please pray for Lisa this day.** Hers is--by FAR--the hard part; sitting & waiting & wondering.
Fri & Sat 5/20 & 5/21 - Recovery in Hospital
(Best guess: in the hospital for a couple of days; Lisa can stay with me in the room on a tiny pull-out bed.)
Sun 5/22 - Lounge around in hotel
(again, this is a guess; whenever I get discharged, we'll stay in Houston another day or so to make sure all my systems are turning back on properly)
Mon 5/23 - LONG travel day
(once again, a guess; this assumes I'm out of the hospital Sunday morning) It's long because Lisa has to do all the driving + we have to stop every hour or so to make me walk for clot-avoidance.
We're optimistic here, as are the Drs. Still, it's surgery & anesthesia &, oh yeah...cancer.
Your prayers are, as always, MOST welcome & SO very much appreciated!
With Hope,
Mike
2 Cor 4:16-18
Sunday 5/15 - Lisa & I drive to Houston after teaching my Sunday School class.
Monday 5/16 - Pre-op scan/test/stick day
Tuesday 5/17 - Dr. appts: 1 w/ surgeon, 1 w/ anesthesia
Wed 5/18 - Off; nothing on the schedule
Thurs 5/19 - Surgery Day!!
Dr. Mehran likes to operate early; my guess is that we'll be @ the hospital ~6:00, w/ surgery to follow shortly after.
**Please pray for Lisa this day.** Hers is--by FAR--the hard part; sitting & waiting & wondering.
Fri & Sat 5/20 & 5/21 - Recovery in Hospital
(Best guess: in the hospital for a couple of days; Lisa can stay with me in the room on a tiny pull-out bed.)
Sun 5/22 - Lounge around in hotel
(again, this is a guess; whenever I get discharged, we'll stay in Houston another day or so to make sure all my systems are turning back on properly)
Mon 5/23 - LONG travel day
(once again, a guess; this assumes I'm out of the hospital Sunday morning) It's long because Lisa has to do all the driving + we have to stop every hour or so to make me walk for clot-avoidance.
We're optimistic here, as are the Drs. Still, it's surgery & anesthesia &, oh yeah...cancer.
Your prayers are, as always, MOST welcome & SO very much appreciated!
With Hope,
Mike
2 Cor 4:16-18
Tuesday, May 03, 2011
MDA in May (Schedule)
("MDA in May" doesn't sound nearly as cool as "Memphis in May" or "Jazz Fest" or anything like that...and well it shouldn't!)
Here, FYI/FYP, is the sched of the upcoming festivities related to my next surgery:
Sunday 5/15 - Lisa & I drive to Houston.
Monday 5/16 - Celebrate my birthday in the following manner:
blood specimen collection
Chest Xray
CT Scan of Chest
complete pulmonary function test (which is the worst of these!)
I know you're jealous, but we can't *all* have such wild BDay celebrations as I. Sorry.
(Aside: I'm already looking forward to eating vast quantities of either the Med. Buffett or of Tex Mex. Post-scan gluttony. )
Tuesday 5/17 - 2 key appts: 1 with my surgeon to discuss the results of Monday's tests, and 1 with anesthesia to discuss the preparation & application of the voodoo that they do. It's the appt. w/ the surgeon that will yield the official "go" or "launch delayed" decision btw.
Wed 5/18 -(*best E. Starr delivery*) "Absolutely nuthin...huh" (Zero scheduled items this day; Lisa & I are considering rolling over to TX's version of Gulf beaches, which are not far from Houston.)
Thurs 5/19 - Go Time...Surgery Day!
Dr. Mehran likes to operate early; my guess is that we'll be @ the hospital ~6:00, w/ surgery to follow shortly after.
**Please pray for Lisa this day.** My part's easy: show up, receive anesthesia, & wake up some time later. Lisa's the one who has to watch the clock in the waiting room m o v e S O s l o w l y while waiting on Dr. Mehran to come speak with her. Thanks
I'll probably be in the hospital for a couple of days; Lisa can stay with me in the room on a tiny pull-out bed. Not the most restful sleep time for her, as I seem to get poked & prodded about every 30-60 min. while there. I *love* having her around at all times, but esp. during surgery recovery.
We plan on staying in Houston another day or two after discharge to make sure all of my systems are turning back on properly. Then the long drive home. I say "long" because Lisa will have to drive the whole way. And I'll be drifting suddenly & randomly from full-engaged thinking & talking to stone-cold deep sleep, with virtually no transition & no warning (all depending on what the pain drugs happen to do). Plus, we'll have to stop every hour so I can get out & walk for 10 minutes or so to reduce the risk of bloodclots in my legs. It'll be a long day for Lisa!
We're optimistic here, as are the Drs. Still, it's surgery & anesthesia & oh yeah...cancer. Your prayers are, as always, MOST welcome & SO very much appreciated!
With Hope,
Mike
2 Cor 4:16-18
p.s. - I don't teach until the 2nd half of the summer b/c my thoughtful boss & a gracious colleague made it possible for me. Thus, I'm planning on a bunch of sitting around & reading & watching the pine trees grow & taking care of some left over whittling & such for the first few days after we get home.
Here, FYI/FYP, is the sched of the upcoming festivities related to my next surgery:
Sunday 5/15 - Lisa & I drive to Houston.
Monday 5/16 - Celebrate my birthday in the following manner:
blood specimen collection
Chest Xray
CT Scan of Chest
complete pulmonary function test (which is the worst of these!)
I know you're jealous, but we can't *all* have such wild BDay celebrations as I. Sorry.
(Aside: I'm already looking forward to eating vast quantities of either the Med. Buffett or of Tex Mex. Post-scan gluttony. )
Tuesday 5/17 - 2 key appts: 1 with my surgeon to discuss the results of Monday's tests, and 1 with anesthesia to discuss the preparation & application of the voodoo that they do. It's the appt. w/ the surgeon that will yield the official "go" or "launch delayed" decision btw.
Wed 5/18 -(*best E. Starr delivery*) "Absolutely nuthin...huh" (Zero scheduled items this day; Lisa & I are considering rolling over to TX's version of Gulf beaches, which are not far from Houston.)
Thurs 5/19 - Go Time...Surgery Day!
Dr. Mehran likes to operate early; my guess is that we'll be @ the hospital ~6:00, w/ surgery to follow shortly after.
**Please pray for Lisa this day.** My part's easy: show up, receive anesthesia, & wake up some time later. Lisa's the one who has to watch the clock in the waiting room m o v e S O s l o w l y while waiting on Dr. Mehran to come speak with her. Thanks
I'll probably be in the hospital for a couple of days; Lisa can stay with me in the room on a tiny pull-out bed. Not the most restful sleep time for her, as I seem to get poked & prodded about every 30-60 min. while there. I *love* having her around at all times, but esp. during surgery recovery.
We plan on staying in Houston another day or two after discharge to make sure all of my systems are turning back on properly. Then the long drive home. I say "long" because Lisa will have to drive the whole way. And I'll be drifting suddenly & randomly from full-engaged thinking & talking to stone-cold deep sleep, with virtually no transition & no warning (all depending on what the pain drugs happen to do). Plus, we'll have to stop every hour so I can get out & walk for 10 minutes or so to reduce the risk of bloodclots in my legs. It'll be a long day for Lisa!
We're optimistic here, as are the Drs. Still, it's surgery & anesthesia & oh yeah...cancer. Your prayers are, as always, MOST welcome & SO very much appreciated!
With Hope,
Mike
2 Cor 4:16-18
p.s. - I don't teach until the 2nd half of the summer b/c my thoughtful boss & a gracious colleague made it possible for me. Thus, I'm planning on a bunch of sitting around & reading & watching the pine trees grow & taking care of some left over whittling & such for the first few days after we get home.
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