As a lily among brambles, so is my love among the young women. Song 2:2

“Out on the road that lies before me now
There are some turns where I will spin
I only hope that you can hold me now
‘Till I can gain control again…”
Rodney Crowell

We are opposites in almost every dimension. Thus, we need each other. Badly. Blessedly. Gloriously

I love a crowd. “Me & my 200 buddies are gonna….” She prefers sitting on the couch with me or sitting over dinner & dessert with a couple of friends.

I love new things. OK, to the ADD level, I love new things. She finds joy in the same things.

I am wired toward open-ended, inconclusive dreams. She is wired toward completion. Practicality. Usefulness.

I love to be speaking in front of the crowd, and have zero administrative skills. She greatly prefers to be behind the scenes taking care of the details that make the big stuff happen.

I like being served. She prefers to serve.

My #1 love language is her #5. Her #1 is my #5.

My Kiersey temperament is ENTP. Hers is ISFJ. (note the total non-overlap of any of the letters…)

My spiritual gift is designed to be used in public & in front of people. Hers is for behind the scenes. If you’re wondering, the Church needs more people like her than like me. Far more…

She is cautious & thinks long & well before acting. I live all-too-frequently in the realm of “ready…FIRE!...aim..."

I'm pretty much a selfish oaf, left to my own devices. She is most decidedly not.

This opposite-ness is, I believe, a great strength in our marriage. Challenging, to be sure, but a great strength. At the risk of demeaning where I’m trying to go here, Rocky said it best: “we got gaps..She’s got gaps, I got gaps…and we fill in each other’s gaps.”

She wakes up in the morning thinking, “how can I help Mike, James, Anne, & my boss succeed?” What a treasure!

25 years ago today, she put this ring on my finger. I’d love to tell you that we never had any struggles or challenges. But any time you put two imperfect people in very close proximity, there will be…not might be, WILL BE challenges. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Once we fully realized the magnitude of the commitment we had made—which realization come gloriously early in our marriage, thankfully!—we got to work building a marriage. (for more on the magnitude of that commitment, see Genesis 2--the marriage relationship was created before the church, before government, and even before sin entered the world! Marriage is God's idea & His design.)

The following is NOT a clichéd, hackneyed statement: I am so much more in love with Lisa today than 25 years ago that it hardly bears comparison! Really, I am.

Years back, our friends Curt & Noel Hale sang a song that had this line: “Today, I’m marrying my best friend.” I did that. It was true on June 2, 1984, and it is so much more true on June 2, 2009. My wife is my best friend. My greatest encourager. My wisest sounding board. My partner. My co-laborer, to use Paul's phrase.

I cannot even imagine my life these past 25 years without her. There is no telling what a tragic folly I would have become. Scripture quotes God saying “It is not good for a man to be alone…” In my case, I should pencil in “especially you, Madaris!”

And the amazing thing is, in 1984, I wasn’t much of a catch. (well, except for my dashing, studly good looks, of course…*smile*) I’m not that much of a catch now, but I really wasn’t one then. (I know...be afraid of me back then...) And yet, here we are, celebrating 25 years.

I am hopelessly, helplessly, wonderfully, gloriously in love with Lisa Mixon Madaris. Whatever I have become professionally & personally is largely because of her. My speaking opportunities & teaching opportunities for the Kingdom? Because of her. Pretty much any service I have ever done for the Lord…because of her. Ph.D. in Financial Economics? Because of her. Dad with a slight clue? You got it. Church deacon & Sunday School teacher & ordained minister? Absolutely because of her. My hopes for the future? Yep. Because of her.

She has literally saved my life. She is the one who said 3.5 years ago, “I really wish you’d ask Brett {Robbins…my Dr.} to take a look at that place on your back…” Turns out, it was a rather large amelanotic melanoma. One Dr. said “these are usually diagnosed in an autopsy.” She has made numerous trips to Houston & M.D. Anderson at my side. In fact, she has had to drive for several those, since I was on the “physically unable to perform” list after a surgery or a treatment. She has swabbed my face at night during two cycles of high-dose IL-2 treatment during which my systems were not functioning. She has laid there in the room not sleeping much, listening to the beeps & hisses of the machinery that monitored me & kept me alive. She has spent two long, tense, lonely mornings in the surgery waiting room waiting to hear from Dr. Mehran. "In sickness and in health"...she's had plenty of the "in sickness" part of that vow.

And yet, her next complaint will be her first.

And her parenting…oh my! No child ever had a better mother. Just ask my two; they’ll tell you. Ask me: I'll tell you! She put her professional life on hold for a bunch of years to take on THE hardest job there is: full-time, stay-at-home Mom. And she did so with great joy. (aside: DO NOT EVER ask a young mother the foolish, idiotic question “do you work?” I’ll answer for all mothers everywhere: “YES, (you clueless moron)!! Very hard! But not outside the home…”)

This Fall, our nest will empty. Neither of us is thrilled about this, for we dearly love our children and treasure time spent with them. But she helps me be thrilled for our children as they begin to find their wings and their life calling. And, rest assured, we are excited about sitting around, reading, drinking coffee, going on the little side trips she’s been wanting to do, traveling, ministering, etc.

I find it VERY sad that so very few of my children’s friends come from intact homes with Mom & Dad. Illness & death happen, of course. That’s tragic. And sometimes--infrequently, but sometimes--very bad marriage mistakes are made on the front end, such that divorce becomes the best alternative. But what just chaps me off are the many who have tossed marriage vows aside for the sake of convenience of “finding myself” or “well, she’s just not as cute” or “we’ve drifted apart” or whatever. In short, I find laziness a very weak excuse.

In all seriousness, I offer this: If a relationally-challenged, arrested-adolescent hammerhead like myself can marry and stay married, you can too! I mean that most sincerely!

So, today, we celebrate our 25th anniversary. I'm told it's the silver anniversary. Here at 55 Clipper Road, it's the...well, coffee cup & flowers anniversary. Our money for buying things like silvery is fully invested in pharmacy school tuition and freshman dorm expense this year.

The celebration? Lisa's celebrating by battling our totally-incompetent driver's license office & then going to work. I'm celebrating by weedeating the yard, going to work, and then tonight--the piece de resistance--by teaching my first class meeting of Principles of Microeconomics @ WCU. (Note: we are gearing up for a beach escape in a couple of weeks.)

25 years of her holding me in the turns where I spun until I could gain control again...And being my very best friend on the planet.

Can't wait to see what the next 25 hold!

I love you, Lisa! Thanks for loving me!
Mike

You Have Stayed Long Enough...

(From my Bible reading earlier this week--note: I'm using Robert Murry M'Cheyne's program this year. Wrote this a couple of days ago; edited it just now)

“The Lord our God said...‘You have stayed long enough at this mountain. Turn and take your journey, and go...See, I have set the land before you. Go in and take possession of the land..."
Deuteronomy 1:6-8 (excerpted)

Multiple layers for this passage to me.


Just got word that a friend from a few years back entered glory yesterday. I've been remembering numerous cups of coffee @ his place of business to start the day, plus some parking lot conversations after church. Life, love, music, evangelism, discipleship, marriage, science, church, ministry,...many were the topics we covered. And I'm better because of those coffee gatherings. So, Mark has been told "you've stayed long enough...take your journey...go..." I picture him--for one of the very few times since I've known him *smile*--being absolutely speechless as he entered glory & saw his dream & longing fulfilled. RIP, bro. See you later. Save me a spot @ the coffee counter.


Wed. night, had some great conversation w/ 3 different guys @ church. "Remember our conversation about 8 years ago?" (topic back then: why do we stay in a church in which we perceive that some things are going very badly...) "This is why we stayed!" (referring to some incredible things the Lord is up to in & through our church) I have a strong sense the the Lord is leading us to some amazing places of ministry in what Steven Curtis Chapman called "The Great Adventure." More later. On a very important related note--I've been reminded lately that Temple Baptist was a very good church long before I got there...long before Tony Merida got there...or any current member or staff member. This August will be 20 years since we joined...and it was a great church when we joined. I'm just glad it still is...*smile*


And this: it should surprise nobody that I've pondered quite a bit on last Wednesday's appt. w/ Dr. Mehran. (OK, one more time: "There is no need to operate. I'm cancelling your surgery for tomorrow. Go home, Mr. Madaris, and enjoy your summer." I'll remember those sentences for the rest of my days!) If you're wondering, I have no clue why I got that word, and others--like my friend Mark--got a different word from their cancer doctor. But I do have a very strong sense that the Lord has ministry-ish things in mind for me. On behalf of Mark and all of the others, please pray with me that I hear clearly, follow closely, and go in & take possession of whatever land the Lord lays out before me. Thanks!


Excited about the rest of the journey,
bb

The Flame Passes On

The Flame Passes On - Whiteheart

Fire on the arena floor
The swords are drawn, hear the lions roar
The coliseum laughs and shouts and screams for more
They tried to crush this mutiny
In a crimson tide of history
But when people have seen the truth that sets them free
The flame passes on, the flame passes on

Ran into Ben @ church yesterday. Ben's one of those guys everyone wants to be around. Great guy, loves the Lord, loves his wife, loves his baby daughter. Great athlete--played football @ USM as a freshman before realizing that wasn't what the Lord had for him. He's now a very effective minister of the Gospel on staff at my church. For another 4 weeks. After that, he & his family will spend some time w/ their families, & then head off for cross-cultural training for 2 months. After that, they are off to a rather difficult slice of the mission field populated by people who have yet to see that truth that sets them free. Ben & his family are heading out for keeps. They're planning to stay. He is very excited about it!

From the heart of the people
comes love for the people
Love that is burning strong
Oh from one to another
The dream of forever...
The flame passes on

Last week, I heard from my friend Mike. He & his wife used to live in Hattiesburg. Now...well, let's just say that by a long way, they don't live here any more. They are serving as missionaries in a largely un-reached part of the world. Word I get is that they are already having friends over for cookouts & such, despite having only been there a month or so, and despite a gigantic language barrier. They love where they are and the people they work with. I'm proud he's my friend who loves me and has served me very personally & directly. And I've been wondering who'll be my guest SS teacher when I'm out of town...

Because of them we know His name
So let's lift the cross, and do the same
An unbroken line of believers
building a human chain
And the flame passes on,
the flame passes on & on

Prayed with my friend Eddie at the conclusion of worship Sunday morning. He is one of those count-em-on-one-hand friends; I'm quite convinced that I could call Eddie at 3:20 a.m. & say, "I need you" and that about halfway over to my house, he'd wonder what I needed him for as he kept on coming. Eddie has prayed me through two bouts with cancer now, and countless other challenges that we share with each other in confidence, knowing such things will then be shared only with the Lord. I went to him & asked him to celebrate with me in prayer since he had heard the groanings of my heart through this phase of my cancer journey. He said "I'd be honored to, Mike Madaris." Later, he thanked me for coming to him. Whenever I hear the word "minister" I think of my friend Eddie pretty quickly.

From the heart of the people
comes love for the people
Love that is burning strong
Oh from one to another
This dream of forever...
The flame passes on

The closing prayer was offered Sunday morning by my friend Ronnie. He mentioned my good medical news. And choked up a bit when he did. Um...he wasn't the only one who choked up rt. then. Ronnie is a pediatrician, but he is also my teacher & mentor. I've not been in his class in years...but will always consider him my Sunday School teacher. Ronnie has forgotten more things about how God works than I know. He's very humble, which helps make him so very effective as a teacher and a minister.

Oh the light of ages illumines the pages
The words of an ancient song
Oh Faith is the fire that burns ever higher
And the flame passes on

I'm off just now to continue preparing for the classes I'll be teaching this summer. That's the main ministry the Lord has for me now. I'm also praying through some on-the-side things (ministry type things) that seem to be percolating up regularly for me these days. You see, I was well taught the things of the Lord by...wait for it...a veterinarian. He & his wife poured into Lisa & me for the better part of a year nearly 20 years ago. It was there in meetings with Johnny that I first heard that I have a ministry as a professor. I have never been--and likely never will be--on staff at a church. I am a cheap imitation of Johnny in terms of discipling others...but still I press on, as does he. And we pass it on. I hope he thinks that year was a wise investment; I certainly do!

Mothers to sons, fathers to daughters - everyone...Pass it on

Which always makes me remember a country girl from south AL & a country boy from central AL who first passed it on to me in the house in which I grew up. And of a poorly-educated country lady from central AL whom I knew & loved as she passed it on to that first guy I mentioned. And of her ancestor Abner, who passed it on through the generations. And of Hope Hull, who first passed it on to Abner. And so on..."the words of the ancient song" ring long & deep in my family heritage, for which I am so grateful. But I know people who do not share such a heritage, and the same song will echo through their descendants. A guy I listen to via podcast--a very effective pastor, mind you--said recently, "I come from a long line of alcoholic child beaters...apart from the Gospel, that's who I'd almost surely be."

I think those who faced the lions would be pleased to hear that their lives & legacies matter even today.

Grateful & humbled,
bb

Memorial Day...To REMEMBER!

Lots of pics, very little commentary by me. There is so very little that could possibly be added to pics like these.

Petty Officer Michael Monsoor, USN (Seal) in Iraq


The *incredible* tribute to Petty Officer Monsoor at his funeral. He saved the lives of his 3 Seal team members by choosing to absorb the blast from a grenade that landed among their position. At his funeral, the many Navy Seals in attendance removed their own Seal Tridents and hammered them w/ their fists into Monsoor's casket as it was brought toward the gravesite. (There's a *great* Youtube clip about him showing memorial services in Iraq and this...but I couldn't make it load here. Check it out...10 minutes of your life well spent.

Yorktown Battlefield from the Revolutionary War.



And again.

See the name "Carl Drake" on the left just above the image of the photographer? Maj. Drake was shot down over Cambodia in 1970, and as far as I know, remains were never recovered.
His younger son was a friend & fraternity brother of mine in my UF days. Actually, Randy was literally the first guy I met on campus when we were attending the same orientation.

On patrol in the central highlands, Vietnam.

The Wall in DC

Larger image of the Wall.

Fredericksburg right after the Civil War conflict.

Gettysburg today.

Gettysburg right after the Battle.

Iwo Jima, 1945

Coming ashore @ Iwo Jima

Iwo Jima as it is today. Hard to believe that this little rock in the midst of the Pacific was the scene of a month-long nasty battle. You're looking at the entire island.

Coming ashore @ Omaha Beach, Normandy, France, June 6, 1944.

My mind has absolutely no category for what these guys were thinking & feeling.

Omaha Beach today. This is actually one of the draws that was key to getting off of the beach on DDay. The American Cemetery is right behind this photographer.

An unknown soldier's grave, U.S. Cemetery, Normandy, France.

Medal of Honor winner's grave, U.S. Cemetery, Normandy, France.

"Merci" is "Thanks" in French. (Also from the U.S. Cemetery, Normandy, France)

U.S. Cemetery, Normandy, France

U.S. Cemetery, Normandy, looking out toward English Channel

It shall come to pass in the latter days...
He shall judge between the nations,
and shall decide disputes for many peoples;
and they shall beat their swords into plowshares,
and their spears into pruning hooks;
nation shall not lift up sword against nation,
neither shall they learn war anymore.

Isaiah 2:1a, 4

What a promise! Until then, though, may we always remember and honor those who have paid the ultimate price for the freedoms we enjoy today. Note: it matters not one whit what one's political persuasion & foreign policy convictions are. The freedom to have those convictions have been preserved for over 200 years by those willing to stand in harm's way on our behalf.

If you are able, save them a place inside of you
and save one backward glance when you are leaving
for the places they can no longer go.
Be not ashamed to say you loved them,
though you may or may not have always.
Take what they have left
and what they have taught you
with their dying and keep it with your own.
And in that time when men decide and feel safe to call the war insane,
take one moment to embrace those gentle heroes you left behind.

Major Michael Davis O'Donnell
1 January 1970Dak To, Vietnam

On March 24th, 1970, Michael O'Donnell along with crew mates Berman Ganoe, John C. Hosken, Rudy M. Becerra, John Boronski, Gary A. Harned and Jerry L. Pool went Missing In Action. Although remains for all crewmen were not recovered, this crew is now considered accounted for.

Some Heroes of Mine...

Dr. Reza Mehran - Thoracic Surgeon, M.D. Anderson Cancer Center

Operated on both of my lungs (2 surgeries). Removed the last known traces of metastatic melanoma from my body.

Also, the one who sent me home this week & cancelled my surgery because there was no need for additional surgery because the P.E.T. scans were normal. He told me "Go home, Mr. Madaris, and enjoy your summer."


Dr. Edward Kim - Thoracic Medical Oncologist, M.D. Anderson Cancer Center

I only had one appointment with, but it was hugely significant. He read a bunch of test & scan results, examined me, diagnosed me with stage IV metastatic melanoma--a very grim diagnosis--and said, "I'd like to be aggressive if that's OK with you. I'd like to speak with a friend of mine who is a surgeon & see if he'll go get those spots out of your lung." (thus, was I referred to Dr. Mehran for the first time)


Dr. Jade Homsi - Medical Melanoma Oncologist

My "main" Dr. out at MDA. A native of Syria, he is the one who laid out the medical options in addition to surgery, deciding on high-dose immunotherapy. He's been very good at keeping me on schedule with tests, scans, appts., and with handing me off to thoracic and to Dr. Mehran.


Dr. Patrick Hwu ("Who") - Chairman, Medical Melanoma Dept.

Presiding physician for my first round of high-dose immunotherapy using interleukin ("IL-2"). A very impressive, soft-spoken man, who has one of the great bedside manners ever. Dr. Hwu was on the team the developed the high-dose IL-2 treatment protocol some years ago. I mentioned this to him, and he emphasized "I just one small part of the team." He then said "there's so much we don't know about this illness..." Said it rather wistfully, actually.


Dr. Wen-Jen Hwu (also "Who," though no relation to Dr. Patrick Hwu) - Medical Melanoma Oncologist

Presiding physician for my second round of high-dose IL-2. She was also very pleasant to be around. Very competent...always smiling. She was very excited that I made it one treatment farther with round 2 than with round 1.


Jessie Richard - Medical Melanoma Advanced Practice Nurse

She was the hands-on nurse for both of my IL-2 cycles. She is an incredible nurse. Highly competent & impressive, with a great bedside manner. She also loves to fish in the northern Gulf for Spanish Mackeral. We swapped tips & lure recommendations. Which reminds me...I need to send her some of the ones used over in our part of the Gulf. She was not familiar with it.


Meritas Domine - Medical Melanoma Nurse

In the course of our many visits to Dr. Homsi's office, plus the many accompanying phone calls about tests, appts., scans, etc., we have spent a lot of time with her. This past week, she called after our appt. w/ Dr. Mehran when he sent us home. She was so very excited about my P.E.T. results.


Dr. Nagen Bellare - Medical Oncologist, Hattiesburg Clinic

I've written about him before, but he is awesome! Last Spring, he put me through a number of tests & scans here, the results of which were inconclusive. He said, "I have a hunch...I'd like you to go to M.D. Anderson for more testing..." Thank God for his hunch! Nagen was a friend for several years before he became my oncologist.


Dr. Ric Pecunia - Plastic Surgeon, Hattiesburg Clinic

Ric performed the surgery in 05 that removed my original melanoma. At the same time, he did two sentinel lymph surgeries, plus a skin graft. At our first meeting, he walked into the room and said "Hi, I'm Ric." Love it! I've seen him several times in the 3.5 years since, and he always makes a point of asking how I'm doing.


Dr. Brett Robbins - Family Practice, Hattiesburg Clinic's Lake Serene Clinic

My primary care Dr. who did the initial excision in Nov. 05 of what turned out to be melanoma. Also a friend. Great sense of humor, very good skills. He gets online & tracks my reports from MDA, which I appreciate.


As I look over this list of some of my heroes, I'm struck that every single one of them approaches their profession out of a genuine sense of calling. With great passion. I am grateful for every one of them. It is not much of a stretch to say that I am alive today & healthy because of them.


It's been a hellacious, difficult, joyful, tearful, demanding, expensive, triumphant ride. I'm so glad to have made some new friends who have become heroes to me. Don't you long for the day when “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away?"


Until then, rejoice with me that my friends listed here are just a sampling of the vital ones we'll need in varying degrees until then. And pray--fervently pray--for all of those working to eradicate cancer and "make cancer history." Imagine with me some time in the future: "It's melanoma...here, take this shot today & these 2 pills for 6 months & you'll be fine." Pray toward that end with me, won't you?


Celebrating Medical Heroes & longing for the day when they're no longer needed,
Mike

10 Things That Were/Are Different Because I Did Not Have Surgery Yesterday…

10. I had to eat a crawfish po-boy w/ a side of etouffe at the Boudin Shop near Breaux Bridge, LA yesterday instead of IV drips & ice chips in the MDA hospital.

9. We had to (of course, the un-sarcastic way to say this is "we GOT to...") hang out w/ our friend Diane, eating a breakfast of muffins & omelets rather than enjoying anesthesia & IVs (Mike) & munchies from the "Jolly Trolley" in the surgery waiting room (Lisa)

8. We had to sleep until 7 a.m. instead of 4:30 a.m.

7. We had to come on home yesterday, rather than coming this weekend (or later). Relatedly,...

6. Lisa had help driving, & we didn't have to stop every hour for me to walk around.

5. I didn’t get a new teddie bear
(MDA's Thoracic Dept. gives a teddie bear to all lung surgery patients to hold against the surgery site for support when coughing...This was discussed here last summer)

4. I didn’t get a new incentive spirometer breathing exercise machine

3. I didn’t get a new pair of those uber-sexy white anti-clotting knee socks

2. It looks like I may have to be content with only 10 separate surgical scars related to melanoma & metastatic melanoma.

1. The sounds of a renovated tenor saxophone being played badly will commence @ 55 Clipper Road in the very near future, rather than later in the summer.
This is not a positive development for Lisa, James, & Anne…

(Quite obviously, we are THRILLED with these things that are/were different! Thanks so very much for your prayers & encouragement! Here's to many more visits to MDA for scans that end with "nothing to see here...go home & enjoy your summer/fall/winter/spring"...)

bb

"So, even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to another generation, your power to all those to come..."
Psalm 71:18

SURGERY? WE DON'T NEED NO STINKIN' SURGERY...

Ok...the bottom line: No surgery will be required!!!

I quote Dr. Mehran: "I am cancelling your surgery, Mr. Madaris. Go home and enjoy your summer..."

Medical Details (P.E.T. scan results interpreted):
--the spot has shrunk in size
--metabolic activity around it has decreased
Therefore, no need for surgery. Another quote of Dr. Mehran: "metastases never get better; they always get worse. So there is no need for surgery here."

The radiologist used the word "normal." It's been a LONG time (17 months) since that word was used after a P.E.T. scan of me. (I savored it deeply...) Dr. Mehran sez there *may* still be a little disease there, but that if so, it would show up at my followup scan in 4 months & we could do surgery then if needed. The upshot now, though, is there is clear, convincing medical evidence that God is taking care of this. Maybe...just maybe...we're about to enter a long season of "nothing to see here" scan results.

Mike & Lisa's Reaction:
--overwhelming joy, obviously!!
--a spontaneous, um, allergic reaction let's say. (we managed to wait until Dr. Mehran & his two students cleared the room before having this allergic reaction...)
--Incredible thanksgiving to Jehovah Shammah, the Lord Who Is Present
--An overpowering sense of "why us?" as we sit here drinking coffee surrounded by so many who are clearly not where we are in terms of their cancer journeys. More on that later, perhaps.
--Great excitement about mowing my own lawn, trimming my own hedges, playing w/ my new weedeater, busting up stumps, etc. this summer
--Equally great excitement about some big projects @ wk that have been on hold for those 17 months. (my boss will be glad to hear that...)
--Equally great excitement about some other non-work, non-lawn-care projects that are percolating around my no-anesthesia-needed mind. Be afraid...be kind of afraid.
--Great humility and thanksgiving
See "Why Us?" but also to know that so many have been praying specifically for us and for my healing. Do not ever doubt the power of prayer again!!!!

Note: had the results from yesterday's scan been different, that would definitely not have diminished God's goodness in general, nor toward us. But I ain't gonna lie...I'm glad He chose to display His goodness this way! *smile*

Thank you all so much, my friends. Know that I have already thanked God for you & asked Him to magnify Himself more clearly to you and through you.

With Great Love, Humility, & Thanksgiving,
Mike

"So, even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to another generation, your power to all those to come...Your righteousness, O God, reaches the high heavens. You who have done great things, O God, who is like you? You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again..."
Psalm 71:18-20

p.s. - As we walked out after getting the great news, I wanted to stop in the big waiting room & say loudly, "Be Encouraged! There Is Hope!!" (dang allergies...)

Brief (not much of an) Update

The big news of the day is, no bloodwork required this morning! I generally don't mind getting stuck when necessary, which is entirely different from saying "I like getting stuck"...

2 good P.E.T. scan-induced naps. One during the "prep" part where you lay back in a recliner for an hour in the dark while the radioactive glucose percolates through you. Somebody in one of those rooms was snoring so loudly that it woke me up. Wait...that was me...never mind... The other nap was during the P.E.T. scan itself. The guy said "can you lie on your back still?" I said "oh yeah!" I almost said "Still? Sure! Just not quietly..."

Those were followed by the greatest Chik-Fil-A sandwich ever, chased with the best cup of bad hospital coffee ever. (recall, this was the "no food/no coffee" day...)

So now we wait. Appt. w/ Dr. Mehran around 11:00-ish tomorrow. We'll have results then, along with plans for surgery.

Meanwhile, pity the poor servers & cooks @ Gringo's in the very near future. For I am about to commit some very serious gluttony upon some Tex Mex food...

Thanks for praying w/ us, friends! Press on another few days, & then I hope to be able to release your prayer time to more worthy causes... ;-)

With love & hope in His Grip,
Mike

Once More Into the Breach...

OK, Pray-ers...selfishly & unapologetically, I ask to be re-routed up on your prayer list. Back to Houston/M.D. Anderson tomorrow.

Reminder of where we are: The November followup scan showed a small area of concern. The Feb. scan confirmed that there's a spot there. It is not a new metastasis; rather, it's an "implantation" which means some cells dropped off during a previous surgery. The spot is quite small, and is not down in my lung this time. It's in the lining near my ribs. Dr. says it's an easy one to remove.

The Schedule for This Trip:
Monday, 5/18 - drive out to Houston (leave in the early afternoon)
*Pray for safe travels.*
*Thank God for the friends who are letting us use their much newer/nicer ride for this trip.*

Tuesday, 5/19 - fun-filled day of bloodwork & P.E.T. scans. ("blood-sucking & nuking" as I like to call it)

*Pray for accurate & decisively clear results that show nothing beyond the one spot that's already there.*

*Thank God for incredible medical technology & for amazing medical expertise. (This spot was too small to even biopsy in Feb.; yet the scan showed it clearly)

Wed., 5/20 - Appt. w/ Dr. Mehran, the surgeon. Appt. w/ Anesthesia folks in prep for Thursday's surgery.

*Pray for clear wisdom for Dr. Mehran, & for peace for us as we get our next most-impt-ever test & scan results*

*Thank God for Dr. Mehran's skill & knowledge, and for his willingness to operate on me this third time in less than a year.

Thurs., 5/21 - surgery 1st thing in the morning

*Pray for everything to go smoothly in this surgery, and for peace for Lisa as she waits once again...

*Thank God for a job & a schedule that allow us to head out there, & again for Dr. Mehran.*

Probably a couple of days in the hospital, then one more night w/ my HS classmate Diane (due to how long it takes to actually leave the hospital when getting discharged), then home to lie around with the dogs for a few days & recup.

*Pray for a quick & complete recovery & release from hospital. (Anesthesia does odd things to me; takes a while for all systems to switch back on...)

*Pray for safe travels back. I won't be able to drive, & will have to get out & walk every so often. This will not be Lisa's favorite trip...*

*Thank God for my HS classmate Diane who is letting us stay @ her house again, despite having sold it & being in the process of moving out of it, and for my H'burg friend Lance who will be coming to mow my lawn next weekend.*

*Thank God that He is Jehovah Shammah - The Lord Who Is Present.*

I *REALLY* am grateful that so many are praying so much. Maybe...just maybe...this trip will wind up the heavy stuff. That's my prayer & hope.

In the midst of this dark journey, we are most blessed by the many ways God shines His light on us directly and through His people. My hope is to never be the same as I was at the start of this journey...

With love and hope,

Mike

p.s. - from some recent times w/ God:

Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in you my soul takes refuge; in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge,till the storms of destruction pass by. I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me...Be exalted, O God, above the heavens! Let your glory be over all the earth! My heart is steadfast, O God,my heart is steadfast! I will sing and make melody! I will give thanks to you, O Lord, among the peoples; I will sing praises to you among the nations. For your steadfast love is great to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds. (Psalm 57, various verses)

When I am afraid,I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me? This I know, that God is for me. In God, whose word I praise, in the Lord, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid...For you have delivered my soul from death, yes, my feet from falling,that I may walk before God in the light of life. (Psalm 56, various verses)

Cast your burden on the Lord,and he will sustain you...(Psalm 55:22)

That's Dr. Taylor to you...

“I often dream of nights I’d sit and watch the rising son
And I spoke to you of life, and of the battles I had won…
I search find the meaning of the path that I am on
And I hope that my direction will not make me walk alone…”
Axe, “Battles”

This is one of those “soundtrack-of-my-life” songs. During a very uncertain time of life for me, I discovered Axe, the very fine hard rock band from Gainesville. And their excellent song, “Battles,” which captures my mood back then. “Let me go from this lonely land, before my dreams all vanish like water in the sand.” (of course, the superb & lengthy guitar solo in “Battles” helps…*smile*)

Thankfully…gloriously…blessedly, my direction has not made me walk alone. Obviously, there’s my best friend, who put this ring on my finger 25 years ago in a couple of weeks. I cannot even imagine where I’d be apart from her impact on my life…But there are also a few others…well, quite a number of others, but just very few at the level I’m talking here. Friends in the sense of the word from before it meant a TV show about who was sleeping with whom. From before the word was cheapened so very much when the phrase “with benefits” was added after “friend.” Soul brothers. Co-laborers, to use Paul’s excellent description. Accountability partners. People who love you but are not impressed by you, to use Howard Hendricks’ superb phrase. Safe people, with whom you can share your deepest darkest secrets & struggles and know they will keep them secret and will pray you through them.

One such guy in my life is Clay Taylor who is one of my dearest, most treasured friends. Ours is a friendship where either of us may find ourself saying “I don’t really feel like doing anything tonight…let’s just go over to the Taylors/Madarises” without the slightest hint of insult. We are utterly & completely at home & at peace sitting on each other’s porch or around each other’s table.

Clay knows much about me that he doesn’t share. And vice versa. We have laughed together, cried together, dreamed together, struggled together, ministered together…We have watched football games between our respective alma maters, each of us hoping the other’s school would lose. (He’s an MSU grad/fan) And yet, after the game & regardless of who won, we enjoyed that same fellowship or camaraderie under the tent eating tailgate food & breaking down what happened in the game. We have traveled together a bit, though not nearly as much as we plan on in the future (see “dreamed together”…) He has loved on & encouraged my children immensely, and I hope I have done likewise for his.

Clay, Sheri, & their children Lee, Jana, Caroline, & Jack.

So, Saturday morning @ the Turner Center on the campus of Ole Miss, I was one of the proudest guys in the room when Clay received his Doctorate of Pharmacy degree. My quote to him was David Crosby: “it’s been a long time comin’.” His to me was Jerry Garcia: “what a long, strange trip it’s been…” You see, Clay has spent 5-6 years re-booting his science education so he could get into the pharmacy program so that he could pursue a long-delayed dream of becoming a pharmacist. Did I mention that Clay—though younger than I—is substantially older than many of his classmates? And that he’s married? And has four kids? And that he owns a home near Laurel? And yet, there they were, moving the whole tribe up to Oxford a few years back & living on rice & beans/beans & rice (as Dave Ramsey says), all in the name of pursuing a dream. The four younger Taylors were uprooted from their schools & their friends for two years. And not by moving across town…4 hours away! After those years, Sheri & the kids moved back to Jones County, while Clay moved to Jackson for the dreaded P5 year of clinical stuff. Then a year of rotations…and Saturday’s announcement: “Dr. Clay G. Taylor.”

(Clay's the tall guy in line there smiling @ his daughter)

Now, off to a new job & career @ Forrest General Hospital as a pharmacist; not a student rotation, but a sho-nuff “the-buck-stops-here” pharmacist. His paycheck will go up, but that seems almost insignificant; the real heart of the matter to me—and to you—is that a dream suppressed may just be a dream delayed. Over 25 years ago, Clay set out to become a pharmacist. A series of events led him to a different career path there for a number of years. But no longer. I would love to have been standing there in the FGH pharmacy when he arrived @ 8:00 Monday morning for his first day’s work. And I would love to have sat around the firepit up @ Jones County Monday evening to de-brief the day.

Instead, I was there in a classroom, watching students take an exam while writing this. And nearly bursting with pride for my friend’s INCREDIBLE accomplishment & perseverance.

The Associate Dean of the Pharmacy School @ Ole Miss said after the ceremony, “Clay, I enjoyed calling your name today…” Clay and his two brothers said “We enjoyed hearing you call it!” I didn’t say anything, for fear of cashing in a large number of my man-cards by blubbering right there in front of everyone; my heart was just too full, remembering all of the shared planning, praying, phone chatting, emailing & dreaming about this day. But I’ll say it now: CONGRATULATIONS, DR. TAYLOR!!! Well-fought & well-earned, bro. I very much enjoyed hearing your named called by Dr. Wilson Saturday too.

I am so very proud of you…and just a bit in awe! Thanks for inspiring me—and others, including my son—with your words…but much more with your life. Thanks for the burgers…& fries…& cookies…& Lau-Tori’s lunch meetings…& Lake Serene Grocery breakfast meetings…& prayers…& games…& the first of many road trips to Atlanta to watch the Braves. Thanks for pulling my son toward his dream which he shares with you. Thanks for being my friend and letting me share with you the battles I have won…and lost...and for not letting me walk alone. I am a better man, husband, employee, parent, churchman, and just, well, dude because of your influence on my life. Thanks for all of that.

Now let’s get to work on our bucket list, shall we? *huge grin*

With much pride & love,
Mike


p.s. - Not only all of that, but he can also catch a rice ball in his mouth when tossed by a knife-wielding cook @ a Japanese celebration...*huge grin*

A Whole Pound of Bacon!

A friend from home entered eternity yesterday. Her name is Annita Hays. She was a native of Mississippi, but after graduating from USM, she made her home in Ft. Walton Beach, FL where she and her husband both taught school. They moved there right about when we did. She & Mom taught together, and our families became very close friends. Mrs. Hays has one daughter my brother's age, and one my age. All four of us grew up together. I never had a sister, but Sandra & Janet are pretty close.

I remember many a Friday or Saturday night spent together @ either their house or ours. A meal, usually followed by a card game called "Canasta." My simple mind never fully grasped the mysterious intricacies of the game, but then we kids were typically consigned to, well, somewhere else where we played easier-to-grasp games like Sorry & Monopoly & the like.


There was this one time when I found myself spending the night @ the Hays' house. Mrs. Hays promised me she'd make all the bacon I could eat the next morning. She didn't quite know what she had gotten herself into... A pound of bacon later, I was about full. Note: that's a pound for me. The others had different stuff, as I recall. (Theological aside: bacon is going to be the breakfast meat of choice in Heaven, in case you're wondering...) To my knowledge, nobody has cooked that much bacon just for me since. Which is probably for the best...*smile*


We traveled some with the Hays family too. Mexico, as I recall, plus multiple nearby camping trips to Rocky Bayou St. Park or Ft. Pickens or Sopchoppy (one of the all-time great names there). We'd all pull our small trailers to the campground & just hang out for a weekend.


Mrs. Hays' life was marked by some very serious challenges which will not be named here, because they are no longer an issue with her except as hard-won trophies of faith. There was loss and pain that I can only imagine. And yet, I remember her laughing & smiling most of the time. I also remember her encouraging me very much. Her daughters inherited the encouragement trait and still do so for me, including in this space now & then.


These last years have been very difficult for Sandra & Janet. Alzheimer's is so cruel & heartless. And yet, they have kept their sunny outlooks on life. Perhaps attitude is more genetic than we might think...


Mrs. Hays' fight--and her daughters' ordeals--ended yesterday.


Tomorrow morning is her funeral. I'll be discussing bank regulation plus my final exam in class, both of which seem so very trivial in comparison. I would love to be there to hug on my friends/sisters Sandra & Janet, and to honor a treasured memory of their beloved Mother. I'd also like to hug my Mom who has lost a friend of nearly 50 years. Instead, this meager writing--which also is trivial in comparison--plus a lot of prayer will have to do.

I'd like you all to pray for Sandra & Janet & the rest of Mrs. Hays' loved ones, especially tomorrow. Sandra has a daughter in college named Leslie; please remember her too. The morning of that last, long goodbye does not dawn easily, even when the passing is an act of God's mercy.

I'd like you also to voice a prayer on behalf of all who are researching Alzheimer's in hope of finding a cure. I'm optimistic that such is coming one day. I just wish it had been around a few years back when Mrs. Hays' illness became known...I know a lot of people--in particular, 2 wonderful ladies who loved their Mother dearly--who would've been spared a lot of heartache. Instead, there's a funeral tomorrow.

But do not think for a minute that Alzheimer's is the victor here!!

For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ shall all be made alive...What you sow does not come to life unless it dies. And what you sow is not the body that is to be, but a bare kernel, perhaps of wheat or of some other grain...So is it with the resurrection of the dead. What is sown is perishable; what is raised is imperishable. It is sown in dishonor; it is raised in glory. It is sown in weakness; it is raised in power...
(1 Corinthians 15:22, 36, 37, 42, 43)

Alzheimer's the victor?? Not a chance. Yesterday, my friend Mrs. Hays became the victor; Alzheimer's became but a glitch in her eternal journey. Her faith, though shielded by disease that ransacked her mind these past few years, was well-placed. She is now raised imperishable as Paul put it, with a gloriously-restored mind that is beyond what she had here even as a school teacher.

So long, Mrs. Hays. I'll see you on the other side. Let's plan on having some bacon together...I'll cook it this time. *smile*

With much love and fond memories, and prayers for my friends whose Mother has passed from our midst,
Mike

Brief Schedule Update

Ever dive off of a high dive into a pool and realize with total clarity & grimness that you're not going in straight & that you don't know how bad it's gonna hurt & that you have utterly no control any longer over it? That's pretty much how I feel thinking about this schedule...

Yesterday afternoon (Sun., 5/3) - Anne's voice recital @ WCU. She did great! If I can find the camera chord, I'll post a pic or two. She absolutely nailed some operatic type stuff, several Broadway tunes, and a great version of "Be Thou My Vision" as the finale. I'm totally biased, of course, but Anne has an amazing soprano voice, especially for an 18-year-old. It will always make me sad that neither the HS choir nor the church choir valued her voice nor her; one sort of ignored her, & the other pretty much stiff-armed her away (yeah...I'm a bit bitter about both...). Oh well, Dr. Leslie @ MSU--who offered her a vocal scholarship--has said to her, to us, and in writing that he's looking forward to having her in his choir. I didn't shed a tear yesterday, but I wanted to...

Next weekend: trip to Oxford to watch a dear friend receive his Pharm.D. While there, we're gonna attend a UM-MSU baseball game. Oh, and naturally we'll be hanging out w/ my favorite pharmacy student too.

Weekend after that (5/15 & 5/16): (1) Anne graduates from HS (5/15).
(2) The 20th anniversary of my 30th birthday (5/16). (The first is far more significant than the second)

Monday, 5/18: *sings like Larry Gatlin* "Houuuuuuu-ston..." *sighs at failed attempt to get psyched up for the return* Back to MDA.

Tuesday, 5/19 - injection of nuclear waste, tests, scans, blood-sucking, etc.

Wed. 5/20 - all-important appt. w/ Dr. Mehran the surgeon to discuss results of tests & scans + plans for...

Thurs. 5/21 - surgery on left side to remove small melanoma implantation near rib cage (assuming scans still show this spot)

The hope is to be back home w/in a couple of days after surgery with the all-clear (again!). This will give me an entire week to recuperate before summer classes start.

Tues. 6/2 - 25th wedding anniversary!!!!! This will be celebrated in the traditional way...by meeting the 1st session of my summer Principles of Microecon night course. (Note: we're aiming toward a beach trip sometime in June, Lord willing)

Fri 6/5 & Sat 6/6 - Lisa & Anne in Stark-Vegas for orientation. I can't be there because...

Saturday, 6/6 - CFA Level II exam in Jackson. 6 hours of test-taking fun w/ a 2-hour break in the middle to eat lunch, pray fervently for the Lord's imminent return, and realize how very unprepared I was...

Scattered among all of these weeks is, of course, studying like a fiend for the CFA II exam. I'm not ready right now, but hope/plan to be by showtime on 6/6.

Sunday, 6/7 - I may sit & eat about 6 baskets of chips @ El Rancho after church and just giggle randomly because there's very little on the schedule from this point forward and because I have so few brain synapses still firing. I also plan to take about a 4-hour nap. I plan to actively not think deeply about anything nor do anything for a day or two.

So yeah...now you see why several of you have asked me about doing something & have heard the very bizarrely random sounding answer: "anytime after June 6"...

Forrest Gump said it best: "I'm kind of tired..." *grin*

Your prayers for any & all of this are most welcome & needed & appreciated!
bb

p.s. - in all seriousness, obviously some of this is exciting stuff, some (MDA & surgery) is not so exciting. Also, some (CFA) is self-inflicted. So please don't read this as whining. Just laying out the schedule realities for us for the next few weeks.

15 & 50

So, 50 is on the horizon for me. Actually, it's not on the horizon any more; it's sort of just down the street a couple of doors, racing toward me with ever-increasing speed.

I thought approaching 50 would feel different than this. I thought 50 would feel like...well, being on top of the world. At the peak of my game. Total confidence. Success, and the near certainty of future success.

Instead, it feels a whole lot like I recall 15 feeling. Uncertain. Wondering what the future holds. Insecure even. Wondering which friends will still be friends in the years to come. Sorting out the difference between friends & acquaintances. Sorting through the various cliques trying to find "my" own. Wondering if I'll ever really succeed professionally and relationally.

Fortunately, there are some huge, gaping differences between 15 & 50. I'm all set in the romance dept.; our 25th anniversary comes just a couple of weeks after turning 50. She married way beneath her, for which I am grateful on a daily basis. Also, I'm good on the career thing; I love teaching college & love doing so @ Wm. Carey. And unlike when I was 15, my faith is certain & secure, thank God! I'm part of a wonderful church family. Finally, I now know that sometimes life just...well, stinks from my perspective, but that God is good even then. (At age 15, I discovered the "life stinks" part, but was not at all convinced until years later about the "God is good even then" part...)

But despite these huge, gaping differences, there are still a disturbing number of similarities to me between 15 & 50. Most of which have to do with my own small faith or insecurity or pansy-itis or whatever.

Or perhaps that disturbing 15/50 connection is God's gift to keep me straining toward the future. Pray with me to that end, won't you? Thanks.

bb

p.s. - And thanks for indulging me a bit of slightly morbid introspection. A couple of years back, I coined a name for such musings, drawing from the description of certain youth as "emo": since I'm hardly a youth any more, (*sigh*) I call this "emold." *smile* Regrettably, it suits me on occasion. (Being about 3 weeks from turning 50 is most definitely such an occasion...)

Prom pics

Remember a couple of posts down about the passage of time & Anne's prom? Well, I had a momentary flash of...clues...& figured out to post pics again. Stevie Wonder sang it best: "isn't she lovely? Isn't she wonderful?"

And who's the guy messing up my pics of my daughter for cryin' out loud? *huge grin*

Selah.

bb

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her,and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm,all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax,and works with willing hands...She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household...She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy...Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land...Strength and dignity are her clothing,and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom,and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed;her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently,but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands,and let her works praise her in the gates.

You know how some people just seem to need more help with, well, life than others? It appears that I am such a person. Which is why I am so very grateful on a daily basis that some small number of years ago on this day, there was this beautiful baby girl was born in Mobile, AL. She is Daddy's girl to a large degree, not least in that she looks like him with those beautiful eyes. She was raised a country girl in Choctaw County, AL. I think she could probably ride a horse about the same time she could walk. She has simple tastes: loves to cook, to sing & play music, to study her Bible, to serve others. Mostly she wants to be in the background of life.

After high school, off she went to the University of Alabama for college. Her second year there, this rather odd dude transferred there from out of state, and moved in with some of her neighbors. They began hanging out & discovered that they shared a love for good music, football, basketball, softball, grilling, and other things. Went on a date. Then another. This June 2, she will have been married to him...to me...for 25 years.

She received a bachelor's degree in accounting from Alabama, which is typically a top 20 accounting program in the nation. In the nation. A very impressive degree to obtain. She then was underemployed to help put the oddball dude through graduate school. His M.A. program became a Ph.D. program.

Then it was off to Indiana for a couple years. A beloved son was born there. Another move to Hattiesburg, MS 20 years ago this coming July. A treasured daughter was born here. Amazing spiritual growth for the hubby; less for her, because she needed less. 7 years on staff with the faculty ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ. Great challenges...

Illness--particularly 2 go-rounds with cancer for the hubby, financial struggle, financial success, job changes for both of them, a child moving out of the home, with the 2nd to follow this August, international mission trips--both with and without the hubby.

And through it all, a solid, steady faith and love for family and friends, reflected through those beautiful eyes and those tender, hard-working hands.

I, among men, am most blessed. Today is Lisa's birthday. Join me in thanking God for her, and praying for her, won't you? A thousand years of being thankful for her would not be sufficient for me...

Happy Birthday, Lisa! I love you! And I am so very blessed to walk this road together with you...and am absolutely a better man, a better husband, a better father, a better professor, and a better follower of Christ because of you.

Selah.

Aldous Huxley on the passage of time...

..."well, there seems to be plenty of it." (Doors of Perception) He was utterly wrong about that. In fact, he was literally tripping on acid when he wrote it, which is the only way one could make such a nonsensical statement. Let me illustrate...

Makeup. A collaborative effort with a friend because of the occasion.

New shoes. Apparently a requirement. And powerfully uncomfortable based on the early exit polls. But still worn.

New hairdo. Also a collaborative effort with a friend. Sometimes this requires a trip to the stylist, but not today.

Dress. Frequently a new one is required. But not this time. The gorgeous one from the closet works.

Getting the nails done. Another requirement.

Flowers. On the lapel for him...on the wrist for her.

The borrowed car. A very fine corvette. Which made your humble correspondent a bit nervous...only, they were only in it for a short ride, which leads to...

The pictures. A requirement.

The limo. Several classmates sharing the limo to dinner, and after.

It was...*drum roll*...Senior PROM NIGHT! (the crowd roars & the Dads are nervous...)
Anne left a bit ago with her date. A nice young man whom I once coached when he played jv football. He looked nice in his tux.

But (in the words of Frank Zappa), Great Googly-Moogly! She looked gorgeous!! (said the totally unbiased Dad...) My cell phone pics do NOT do her justice. Again, he looked nice, but she looked beautiful. And the heck of it is this: she looks beautiful 1st thing in the morning with no makeup, hairdo, nail job, new shoes, nice dress,...(inherits this trait from her Mother) But she sure looked gorgeous all styled for Prom.

I remember a couple of proms 32 & 33 years ago. This other young lady back then also looked gorgeous; I looked well, like a beach bum hippy-wannabe burnout. We went to both jr. & sr. prom together. Jr. year as an official couple, sr. year as, well, a former couple I guess. Last I heard, she's a preacher's wife out in west TX somewhere.

Earlier, while watching them pull out of my driveway, I was struck again with the utter brevity of time and the amazing speed of its passage.

Got little girls @ your house? Who draw on the walls & play dress up & make messes & watch the same ol' Disney movies on a daily basis? Who want to "help" cook? Who sing loudly? Who nap on occasion & who don't sometimes when they're supposed to?

Enjoy them. I know it's very difficult to do so at times. I also know that it seems now & then like they'll never grow out of whatever stage they're in @ the moment. But make it a very, very high priority to enjoy them. Laugh with them, make messes with them, watch the movies, sing the songs,...do it all.

Because in what'll seem to you like another day or two, some dude will be pulling out of your driveway with your treasure in the right seat all dolled up for her senior prom. And you'll wonder where the time went...

bb

p.s. - if I can figure how to make pictures go from my phone to my computer to the web, I'll add some shortly. Until then, go enjoy a moment with your little girls...

If I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me?
Ronnie Van Zant & Lynrd Skynrd, “Freebird”

I’ll cut to the bottom line here. I’m dang tired of hearing about high school classmates dying. Goes with the territory, I s'pose, but I don't like it.

Last week, it was Connie, who was a classmate from early elementary school all the way through HS.

This past weekend, it was Steve, who was a couple of years older than I. We weren’t close friends, but we were in jazz band together one year. Steve played guitar & sang in the coolest rock band in the area in our HS days. Everybody wanted to be part of Myriah, including me. I got the next best thing though—I got to hang out with & befriend the guys in that group. Which made my 5-foot-nothing, insignificant self feel very big & bad & cool. I was better friends with Steve’s younger brother Jeff, who is a very good bass player (also part of Myriah), and who is a USM grad (jazz band, & everything!).

A brief candle; both ends burning. An endless mile; a bus wheel turning. A friend to share the lonesome times; a handshake and a sip of wine. So say it loud and let it ring: We are all a part of everything. The future, present and the past.

Fly on proud bird, you're free at last.
Charlie Daniels, written while enroute to Ronnie Van Zant’s funeral

It’s Jeff that’s been on my mind & in my prayers yesterday & today. He’s having to say the abrupt goodbye to a much-loved brother. Jeff was great fun to play music with, because (a) he is VERY good, and (b) he is a great guy who’s a lot of fun. I still remember him leading us in setting up the parts to the end of “Blackwater” by the Doobie Brothers on a bus trip the jazz band took. By the time we got home, we had it down. He, of course, took the Tom Johnson lead vocal; none of the rest of us could pull that off like he did.

Join me in lifting up my old friend Jeff in prayer as he mourns the sudden loss of his brother Steve, won’t you?

‘Cause I must be travelling on now, there’s too many places I’ve got to see.
Ronnie Van Zant & Lynrd Skynrd, “Freebird”

As their old bandmate Alan wrote on Jeff’s facebook page after quoting Freebird, we’ll always remember Steve. Quite fondly in my case. Which draws my heart toward Jeff in his grief. As I say, please join me in praying for Jeff.

Life’s short. Too short sometimes. Makes you long for the land of the eternal hello, where there’ll be no more pain, sorrow, death, car accidents, illnesses, & such, doesn’t it? Maranatha. Come, Lord Jesus.

Selah,
Mike

Pacing the Cage

I have *long* loved the music & writing of Jimmy Buffett. Some great Friday-afternoon-heading-toward-the-beach music. Some *superb* front-lawn-of-the-fraternity-house music. But also, some songs that just capture a slice of one's soul. Deeply moving and very profound. (aside: if all you know of JB's songs is "Cheeseburger in Paradise" & such, you're really missing out...).

Examples of that latter genre of Jimmy B's music that grab my heart would be songs like "A Pirate Looks at 40" or even more, "He Went to Paris" or one of my favorites, "The Captain & the Kid". (tear jerker alert: he wrote that shortly after his much-loved grandpa passed away...*great* tune! Google the lyrics...and grab a hankie.).

And then there are those lyrics that are, well, poignant & sad. Such as "Pacing the Cage." I find this one deeply moving for different reasons. I know people like this. As Lisa said, these are the words of a man who has done it all and is absolutely empty inside.

So, take a look @ these lyrics. They are awesome, in the true sense of the word: to be struck with awe. I'd say "enjoy," but I really hope you don't actually.

Selah.
bb

Pacing the Cage - Jimmy Buffett
Sunset is an angel weeping
Holding out a bloody sword
No matter how I squint I cannot
Make out what it's pointing toward
Sometimes you feel like you've lived too long
The days drip slowly on the page
And you catch yourself
Pacing the cage

I've proved who I am so many times,
The magnetic strip's worn thin
And each time I was someone else
And everyone was taken in.
Powers chatter in high places
Stir up eddies in the dust of rage
Set me to pacing the cage.

I never knew what you all wanted
So I gave you everything.
All that I could pillage
All the spells that I could sing
It's as if the thing were written
In the constitution of the age
Sooner or later you'll wind up
Pacing the cage

Sometimes the best map will not guide you
You can't see what's round the bend.
Sometimes the road leads through dark places
Sometimes the darkness is your friend.
Today these eyes scan bleached-out land,
For the coming of the outbound stage
Pacing the cage...

He alone who owns the youth, gains the future

I'll come back later to who said this. For now, just ponder it with me as I share about my friend Andrzej. ("Ahn-zhay" more or less; "Andrew" is the gringo version).


Andrzej is a friend of mine from Poland. He was a college professor in the 80s & early 90s. (Math & Computer Science)


But an interesting thing happened. He encountered the claims of Christ for the 1st time, despite having been a church member all of his life. They revolutionized his life, as he trusted Christ fully & completely.


Andrzej eventually joined the staff of Campus Crusade for Christ. Same group I was on staff with for 7 years. He became national director of the campus ministry, and another interesting thing happened. They invited some American professors to Poland. Another huge life change.


Andrzej now directs the faculty ministry of Poland. Let me be clear: his area of ministry responsibility is every university in the country. I've been in Poland three times on mission trips, and worked alongside Andrzej every time. God has given me a love of the country and a particular love for the people. (Aside: the old jokes utterly fail when one meets some actual Polish people and realizes, for example, the literacy rate in Poland is FAR higher than that of the U.S. Know who Copernicus was? Sure you do. Know where he lived? That'd be...Poland. [Andrzej was a professor at the university where Copernicus studied and taught, by the way] Like Chopin's music? Know where he lived & wrote? Poland. Aside from being offensive because they're terribly racist, I find the old jokes *highly* offensive because of friends I've made in Poland. *All* of whom are conversational in at least two languages; most, in three. End of rant)


How I wish you all could've been sitting @ my kitchen table a week & a half ago when Lisa & I were treated to a ministry update of what God is doing in & through Andrzej's ministry to & with professors there! My professor heart soared such that I wound up inviting myself back to Poland for one of their professor conferences in August 2010...(And Andrzej, well, pretty much accepted my self-invitation...) *smile*


Andrzej is really capturing a big vision and putting feet to it. And God is blessing. The work is *crucial* in impacting the country for Christ.


Why? That goes back to the originator of the quote I started with. Adolf Hitler.


Yep. That same Adolf Hitler, who attempted to enslave a nation and the nations in his hemisphere. And came frighteningly close to achieving that. And who created factories of death & destruction the magnitude of which--60 years later--are too horrible to contemplate. I know...I've visited them. Place in the beautiful mountains of south Poland known as Oswiciem, or Auschwitz in German. This is where Hitler started implementing his awful vision.


Now ask yourself: who really does own the youth? And thus the future? In Poland...and in America...the answer is the parents 1st, but during the hugely formative years between 18 & 24, it's college professors, at least in terms of helping shape their thinking and their values.


Join me, won't you, in praying for Andrzej. On behalf of a generation of university students too young to remember the madmen who perfected his lightning war and his death camps on/in their country. Who desperately need to know that there is truth that is real & knowable & worth pursuing & integrating into their life & their studies. And on behalf of professors throughout the country who are brilliant, successful, productive...and empty. Who wonder if another publication or promotion or presentation is really all there is.


May we never see another generation of youth lost to false, Nitschean superman/will to power/morality-free teaching in universities. Both here and in Poland.

The wisest man who ever lived once said the following. The latter part is emblazoned all over university libraries & admin buildings in this country. The first part, of course, is not seen on those same buildings. Here's the entire quote: "“If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:31-32)

Andrzej is all about demonstrating that. And introducing professors and students to the One Who said it. Join me in praying for him and his ministry, won't you?

Selah.
bb

p.s. - Some of you should perhaps become part of Andrzej & Ella's financial support team. Want to know more about that? Hit me w/ an email; I'd be delighted to pass along how that works.

In His Eyes

I saw it again yesterday. One of my favorite things to watch.

The chatter slowed as the time drew near. The music started. The processional began. Reaction was mostly polite lack of immediate interest, combined with more than a little anticipation.

He made his entrance. Stood awkwardly in front of the crowd. More or less made eye contact with a few of them, but looked like he felt very much out of place.

Then it happened. The music changed. A buzz went through the crowd. The doors opened. The crowd turned to look. He strained to see too, though he couldn't at first.

After a moment or two, though, he saw. There she was, on her Daddy's arm. Radiant. Beaming. The bride, made ready for her groom.

As I watched the groom, I knew the exact moment when he could see her. His smiled deepened with a heavy dose of "Wow!!," as his breath left him. For a brief second, composure left him too, but he managed to regain it and to actually breath again. All others in the room disappeared from his vision. He saw only her. His bride.

I love to watch this moment in a wedding ceremony. Oh sure, I'll turn with the others & watch her coming down the aisle with her Daddy. But I always make a point of turning back & watching the groom as he strains to see his bride. Not sure why, but I have 2 guesses.

First, a past tense reason. I recall that nearly 25 years ago I was the groom straining to see his bride. I still recall how that first view took my breath away and how everyone else in the church vanished when I saw her. This still happens when she enters a room, btw.

And second, a future tense reason.

"As the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you."
Isaiah 62:5b

"Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out,
'Hallelujah! For the Lord our God the Almighty reigns. Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready; it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure'— for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints.
And the angel said to me, 'Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.' And he said to me, 'These are the true words of God.'"
Revelation 19:6-9

A day is coming, ladies & gents, when we, the bride of Christ, will enter the presence of the bridegroom. The analogy of an earthly bridegroom falls trememdously short at this point. But it is absolutely awesome to ponder, isn't it? Our heavenly bridegroom rejoicing as we make our entrance?

Perhaps that's why I so very much enjoy watching the guy when the bride enters. It's both a reminder and foreshadowing. I definitely remember. And I can't wait.

Selah.
bb

God's Purposes in this Recession

Just listened to >>this message<< by one of my favorite preachers & writers, John Piper. I love his teaching, even when it zings me. Like this message did. (I listen to him every week via podcast) I've thought about what God might be up to in causing/allowing (your choice of words!) this recession. But as he so often does, Piper says it such that I conclude by going, "yeah, that's way better than anything I was thinking."

Check these purposes out. And then click the link above and go either listen to or read the message (both are available for free there). I have nothing to add, except to again say "wow!" and "ouch!".

(excerpt from his message summarizing his view of some of God's purposes in the recession starts below)

(Some of) God’s Purposes in This Recession
Now what are some of God’s purposes in this recession? I will mention five:

He intends for this recession to expose hidden sin and so bring us to repentance and cleansing.

He intends to wake us up to the constant and desperate condition of the developing world where there is always and only recession of the worst kind.

He intends to relocate the roots of our joy in his grace rather than in our goods, in his mercy rather than our money, in his worth rather than our wealth.

He intends to advance his saving mission in the world—the spread of the gospel and the growth of his church—precisely at a time when human resources are least able to support it. This is how he guards his glory.

He intends for the church to care for its hurting members and to grow in the gift of love.
(excerpt ends)

Give yourself a blessing and a challenge and go read/listen to the whole thing. He unpacks each of these points. It's quite remarkable.

Still pondering.
bb

"Cut along the perforated line..." (medical update)

Great, great visit w/ Dr. Mehran the surgeon this morning. Very encouraging. Here's the deal (this will be quick, since we're waiting on me finishing this one to hit the road for H'burg).

--He does *not* think this is a new metastasis. (remember yesterday? "no evidence of cancer anywhere else"?) This news is very huge...

--He says this is probably an "implantation." Meaning, a cell or two dropped off during the previous surgery and "implanted" @ the site. (This hot spot is at my 1st surgery site, but is *not* inside my lung this time)

--He said it *could* be merely a post-surgery inflamation(!). However, he assigned this a 20% probability, with the other 80% probability that it's an implanted melanoma.

--He recommended waiting 3 months & then re-scanning. If there's still activity @ the site--which he expects--we'll do surgery then. (late May) I quote: "it will be an easy procedure, an easy surgery." He will just extend the cut where the scar is and take the hot spot out (hence the post title "cut along the perforated line"). Again, I quote: "everything will be fine."


In summary, given evidence of more cancerous activity, this is very good news. Unfortunately for my students, I won't even have to miss any more classes for this one. *smile* Dr. Mehran is very confident and reassuring, and was especially so this morning.


Tentative schedule: P.E.T. scan Tues., May 26 (I actually do recognize & greet the now-familiar nurses & techs there..."how's your son doing in pharmacy school?"..."how's that baby?"...*smile*). Appt. w/ Dr. Mehran, Wed. May 27. surgery, Thurs. May 28.


Please see my description of my God in yesterday's post (points down) and note the verses from Isaiah.


Thanks so very much for your prayers & encouragement!!!


With much love and great hope,
Mike

Medical Update/Prayer Request

So...the results of yesterday's P.E.T. scan showed good news & less-good news.

The good news: Only one small spot showed up just outside the lung. No signs of metastatic melanoma elsewhere in my body. Nurse, P.A., & Dr. Homsi all mentioned this.

The less-good news: there is the one spot...It was noticed in the last P.E.T. scan in November, but only barely lit up on the scan. Hence this scan yesterday. This time, it really lit up on the scan.

So, what does this mean?
Glad you asked. Dr. Homsi recommends another surgery along the lines of the previous two. So, I have an appt. w/ Dr. Mehran tomorrow (Wed.) at 8:30. The strong hope/prayer is that Dr. Mehran will agree to operate again. So there's the immediate prayer concern.
I've already received a call from his nurse saying that if he operates (his decision, not hers, of course), it would be on Thurs. Feb. 26. I'd be back out here the Wed. before for cardio function tests, which I passed w/ flying colors last time.

I'll update more later. Briefly, here's where we are emotionally & spiritually:
--God is not surprised, nor is He scared. He is the Alpha & Omega, the first and the last. He knows the end from the beginning, and is mindful that we are but dust. He is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or think. He has called me by name; I am His. If He be for me, who can be against me? Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! The earth is the Lord's and the fullness thereof, the world and those who dwell therein. Lift up your heads, O gates! And be lifted up, O ancient doors,that the King of glory may come in. Who is this King of glory? The Lord, strong and mighty,the Lord, mighty in battle!
(There's more, but that'll do for now...awesome, isn't He??)
--There is still good news here. First, for example, there's *no* evidence that it's spread anywhere new. Still just in the lung. Nowhere else lit up on the P.E.T. scan. Second, again, it's just the one spot. Third, Dr. Homsi said that I was in much worse shape last year. (OK...so that last one is an odd way to find encouragement...I'm reminded of the excellent scene from Monty Python's Holy Grail: "it's only a flesh wound"...*huge grin*)
--Lisa & I are fine, all things considered. I was less bummed this time than previous times. Really!
--So, we're eager to crank up the video surgery tools & get this one out too, should Dr. Mehran agree.
--Both of our bosses are already moving the world to enable us to not worry about missing another day of work tomorrow. (memo to all: when picking a workplace, make sure to pick a great boss!)
--My HS classmate didn't hesitate about inviting us to stay over an extra night. Wanna know what the spiritual gift of hospitality looks like? Come stay @ Diane's with us.
--Our vehicle lender said that his only request was that we NOT worry about having his truck an extra day. And he's already offered it for the surgery too.
--Within an hour, I already had multiple comments & encouraging notes via facebook. Once again, the Body of Christ is doing what it does; "bear one another's burdens & thus fulfill the law" as Paul said. We are most assuredly NOT feeling left alone here!

Thank you so very much for mentioning us in the throneroom of glory! May the One Who sits there enthroned receive all the glory.

Because I am securely in His grip, I close this
With love and hope,
Mike

Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God,the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:28-31

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10

But now thus says the Lord, he who created you...: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
Isaiah 43:1-3a