Like Swallows Returning to Capistrano...

(FYI, not much writing here; lots of pics tho, so freshen up your coffee! *smile*)

So, this past Valentine's Day was the 30th anniversary of my first date with this beautiful Bama coed with gorgeous blue eyes. Just a little over 3 years later, we put rings on each other's fingers, and the rest, as they say, is history.

Even I, a relationally-challenged male (pardon the redundancy there), recognized that this was a biggie. In discussing what to do for the anniversary, here's what my Bama coed said: "Let's ride up to Tuscaloosa & poke around campus & eat some Dreamland ribs." I thought long & hard about this for 2, maybe 3 nano-seconds.

Private tour of Bryant-Denny Stadium? Check! (Including seeing the places where people who live in *vastly* different financial worlds than I sit to watch games...)

In our days @ UA, it seated 60-something thousand folks. Now it's 101,000+.

We like our football history @ Bama. Even the concession stands tell some history.

Despite the huge size, massive muscles, & obvious youthful blazing speed,

this is NOT one of Coach Saban's stud players. It's me, silly!





"Simply put, football is eyes, movement, and contact." Paul W. Bryant

The locker room. I was VERY fired up & ready to go out on the field & hit someone after
walking around in here. Instead, we went to eat...which is not exactly the same thing.

DT...still one of the best ever in both college and the pros. R.I.P. #55.


I love what they've done to the lockers. This was Mark Ingram's locker; my childhood hero Johnny Musso, the original Italian Stallion, also wore #22.

Once more, Greg McElroy's Mom was in HS with me.

Joe Namath & Kenny Stabler were All-Americans who also wore #12.

Julio Jones' locker. Despite standing here & staring a couple of minutes,
I'm neither taller nor faster. Strange...

Where the incredibly rich folk sit to watch a game.

Same box, looking away from the field.

And again.

"In Training"...Yeah, my childhood dream was to play for Coach Bryant;
alas, when one's 5'5" & about 115 @ age 18, + very slow/wimpy, such dreams die young...

It's a bit more crowded here on game day.

2 young Bama undergrads hanging out near Denny Chimes.

Wait...that might be Lisa & me; confusing us w/ undergrads is, of course, a natural mistake.

Around Denny Chimes, they put the hand & footprints of each year's captains.

Bobby Smith was Coach Bryant's 1st QB @ Bama.

He was also principal of Meigs Jr. High, which boasts one

Michael B. Madaris as a proud member of the class of 74.

The President's Home. Of course, it's been years since the UA President actually lived there, but it's still a pretty neat place.

From the Quad looking toward the stadium

Denny Chimes.

Denny Chimes from across the Quad. In another couple of weeks the campus (like many campuses in this part of the world!) will be beautiful with plants & trees blooming.

The Gorgas Library. This other Bama coed I know studied Library Sciences at UA & thus spent a lot of time in this building. After graduating, she & her hubby moved down to Ft. Walton Beach, FL & raised two sons. One of them blogs occasionally, and has been seen teaching Econ & Finance in Mississippi. *clears throat*

The building on the right is Bidgood Hall, which is one of the buildings housing the College of Commerce & Business Administration. (In our day, it was the *only* building housing CBA; now there are three) The building on the left is where these grad students in Econ & Finance used to have offices. One of those guys has been seen teaching Econ & Finance in South MS.
Random quad pic. Since it was a beautiful Spring-like day, there were a *bunch* of students playing frisbee, tossing a football around, walking dogs, playing music, or just lying there chilling.

My Bama coed hanging out on the Quad.

The Gorgas Home, rt in the middle of campus. Josiah Gorgas was chief artillery officer for the Confederate Army as I recall reading. When Mom was @ UA, there were still Gorgas descendants living here. It's a very neat place.

Michael B. Madaris, Economics, 1983. Lisa L. Mixon Madaris, Accounting, 1984.

Michael B. Madaris, M.A., Economics 1988; Ph.D. Financial Economics, 1990.

Bidgood Hall up close.

My last office in my Ph.D. studies days was the window directly over

where it says "Bidgood Hall."

Random Quad pic from in front of Bidgood.

Looking across the Quad.

My new Bama shirt: "A...How I Roll"

Our cholesterol had been a bit low; fortunately, there's Dreamland ribs to remedy that particular problem. In our day, there were only ribs on the menu; now they have sides too.
Still the same stylish interior decor.

Personalized autographed pic of the great Bart Starr, UA grad & Packer legend.

Above that, an autographed pic of UA grads & NFL legends Kenny Stabler & Ray Perkins (the pride of Petal, MS) Snake & Perkins combined for a bunch of passing yards for the Tide in the mid 60s.

The prelims: white bread & BBQ sauce. Nothing else is needed, really.

In our days @ UA, "Big Daddy" (pic by door) was still cooking the ribs here.

In 1980, this young beach hippie wanna-be moved to Tuscaloosa & roomed w/ a couple of guys from back home who already lived @ Forrester Gardens.

We lived in the one on the lower left that's boarded up. (Supply your own punchline here)

This beautiful coed from S. AL with gorgeous blue eyes lived in the one on the upper right.

Our church in downtown Tuscaloosa when we were newlyweds. Our pastor back then is now executive director of the AL Baptists. *Significant* life change & roots strengthening happened here in the mid 1980s. SO thankful...

Out in Holt a couple of miles outside of town, there's this trailer court. On this particular site was a used trailer back in the day. In that trailer lived this couple of newlyweds, in un-air-conditioned comfort. (Newlyweds do such foolish things...) That couple now lives in Hattiesburg, MS, but rolled back through Tuscaloosa a couple of weeks ago...

This driveway leads to the former home of my MUCH beloved Aunt & Uncle Daisy & George Styles. They were our landlords & lived just across the road from the trailer court. Being in their orbit @ the end of my single days & @ the beginning of our married days was a GREAT privilege that was HUGELY significant in making me who I am today as a man, husband, father, disciple, & church member. Uncle George's gorgeous tenor voice is now part of the heavenly choir praising the One he loved & sang to on earth. Aunt Daisy is still here.

Lisa & I just TREASURE their impact on us!

I even got a personal note welcoming me back to campus from the University Police. Well, it didn't exactly say "welcome back to campus"...more like "Don't ever park here again without a parking decal." But using the tools of postmodern debate & political discourse, I read it to say "Welcome back to campus." *smile*

And thus wraps up a photoblog of our return to Capistrano, er Tuscaloosa...

Roll Tide!
BB

30 years

30 years.

Feb. 14, 1981 will always be one of the greatest days of my entire life.

A glorious game-changer of a day in ways that I couldn’t even fathom then.

There was this lovely young Bama coed from SW AL majoring in accounting with big beautiful blue eyes and a wonderful soft voice and a great smile who went out with me for the first time on Feb. 14, 1981.

I haven’t been the same since, praise God!

We went out again. And again. Ballgames. Picnics in the woods. Movies. Concerts. (One time she went to see Rush with me, mostly because she liked me…not so much because she liked Rush…). Church. Baptist Student Union events (our first date was a BSU event).

2.5 years later, on an Easter at her parents’ home, I put a diamond ring on her finger, as she said “yes” to my marriage proposal. (Aside: though I was & am pretty relationally-challenged by & large, I did this right: talked to her Dad & asked his permission; talked to her Mother & showed her the ring. I’m biased, but that’s the way it’s supposed to be done in my opinion.)

14 months after that, on June 2, 1984, we put rings on each other’s fingers in a church.

Since that first date we have…

--watched our beloved Coach Bryant break Amos Alonzo Stagg’s record for number of wins…andwatched his funeral.

--completed bachelor’s degrees in Business from Alabama (accounting for her; econ for me…accounting’s too hard!)

--had success getting into grad school…and getting out (I’m quite certain neither would’ve happened w/o her love, guidance, & encouragement!)

--lived in an un-air-conditioned trailer in Tuscaloosa, AL, making VERY little money…and had a blast doing so!

--moved way up north to Indiana, where we confirmed a few things: (1) we don’t like cold/ice/snow; (2) we *REALLY* like beaches; (3) we like southern food & Cajun food. Indiana has lots of cold/ice/snow, no real beaches, and ZERO Cajun food.

--bought our 1^st house up there

--seen James Madaris arrive on the scene @ Vigo Hospital in Terre Haute, IN

--moved to Hattiesburg, MS

--made some DEARLY treasured friends along the way…(and seem to have lost some too who used to be close friends)

--seen Anne Madaris arrive on the scene @ Forrest Gen’l Hospital in Hattiesburg

--joined the staff of Campus Crusade for Christ’s faculty ministry

--changed jobs & careers… had career success…and lack thereof

--been discipled together

--grown together in love and in faith

--faced challenges, from death of friends & family to the joyful challenges children provide to the crushing challenge of stage IV metastatic melanoma with 20+ trips to M.D. Anderson in 2+ years

--gone on mission trips, both together and separately

--realized that we are utterly & completely different/opposite in personality type, temperament, love languages, spiritual giftedness…and are still immensely enjoying seeing our Lord knit that together.

--discipled some college students, grad students, professors, & others

--started a Sunday School class for adults

And on & on it goes…

Today, 30 years after that first date, I am more deeply, passionately, hopelessly, joyfully, & wonderfully in love with Lisa Mixon Madaris than ever. I don’t have many clues now, but I *really* didn’t back then. And yet, here we are, by the grace of God.

As I tell my students each term, if a hammerhead like myself can get married, stay married, & grow in love like I have, there’s hope for the rest of you in the future.

“An excellent wife, who can find?” ME!

I, among men, am most blessed. Can’t wait to see what the future holds for us!

I love you, Lisa! And am still amazed that you went out with me & more, that you kept doing so. Thanks doesn’t come close, but THANKS!

p.s. – if you need either of us Wednesday, too bad! We’re off to Tuscaloosa for a day trip down memory lane. Can’t wait!

p.p.s. – I have no idea who this guy is, but here’s a pretty decent version of one of Lisa’s favorite songs, “I Wish You Peace” (originally on an Eagles album in the mid-70s.) >>PRESS THIS<<>

Remembering

Have you ever been to Auschwitz?

I have. Multiple times. Next time I’m back in Poland, I’m going again, Lord willing, to remember and imagine and pray again.

I like to think I’m an OK writer, at least in terms of telling a story & capturing a slice of history. But I’ve tried for more than 10 years to capture my thoughts about Auschwitz. But the magnitude & horror of the place and of what happened there just absolutely buries me. Sometimes there just aren’t enough words.

Imagine with me a place developed for one purpose: to kill a large number of people in a very cost efficient manner. It’s very hard to imagine until one actually walks into the place.

One estimate is that roughly half of the Jews who died during the Holocaust died at Auschwitz.

Another estimate is that approximately 80% of those who got off of the box cars @ Auschwitz died in the gas chambers. Most of those got off the train and walked directly to the “dressing rooms” where they surrendered their clothes & valuables, and then walked into the “showers” in the basement from which they never walked out.

To be sure, it wasn’t only Jews who died at in the gas chambers of Auschwitz. But it was, by a long way, mostly Jews.

Auschwitz (“Osweciem” in Polish) is a small town out in the *beautiful* countryside of southern Poland, not far from Krakow. The train tracks just outside the big camp (Birkenau) merge from multiple directions. They keep merging until there’s just the one going in under the infamous gate. (There’s a very chilling depiction of a train’s arrival in Auschwitz in the movie Schindler’s List; that scene was filmed on location there at the Birkenau camp.)

There are no tracks coming out the other end of Auschwitz.

It was not on the way to anywhere. The deadly phrase “The Final Solution” comes VIVIDLY to mind there.

One is struck by how very little conversation there is when standing there on the sandy area where the trains unloaded. The same is true back by the ruins of the showers & ovens.

The museum has a huge pile of suitcases…and another huge pile of canes & prosthetic limbs…and another pile of human hair…and another pile of shoes. The elderly & the handicapped didn't last very long there. In the middle of the pile of shoes is a pair of pink little girls’ shoes that sort of stand out. Little girls didn’t last very long there either.

Over behind where the fields of barracks were is a meadow where groups would sit waiting their turn down in the gas chambers. Nearby is a lake where many of the ashes were dumped after the ovens did their work. It is said that one can run one’s hand through the lake today and the hand will come up with ash & bone fragments.

One cannot fathom the size of the place. Nor the size of the ruins of the ovens & gas chambers. Picture a towering industrial factory. There were three of those, with other smaller ones around. We walked down into one of the “overflow” shower facilities. Talk about not enough words!

There are small candles & flowers left there by survivors & relatives & those just seeking to honor the memory of the dead.

I fear that one day the flowers & candles will not be placed there any more. And I fear that day will come sooner than we might think.

Despite how we think of it (or don’t), it's not ancient history. Just 15 short years before I was born, the showers & ovens of Auschwitz were in full operation. I’ll come back to the “not-ancient-history” part of the Holocaust.

Once again: the Birkenau camp at Auschwitz was developed solely for the purpose of killing large numbers of people in a timely cost-efficient manner.

And yet, as overwhelmingly vivid & horrifying as Auschwitz is to me, and as deeply as it cuts me & challenges me to the depths of my soul…I went there for the first time in 1998, more than 50 years after Birkenau was emptied & the ovens & chimneys went silent.

There are still some alive today who didn’t drive up to the front gate, nor did they casually walk in & look around. They rolled into Birkenau in crowded boxcars & were met by shouts & whips & dogs & shoves. They went to the barber & to the shower where their valuables were stolen by the guards & trustees. Then they went to barracks as their parents, spouses, children, & friends went down into the deadly basements.

Thursday was Holocaust Remembrance Day. To those I’ve just mentioned, every day is Holocaust Remembrance Day. Is there ever a day on which they don’t remember?

To the rest of us, every day should be Holocaust Day. Even those of us who were not yet born then when the showers & ovens were operational. Perhaps especially those of us who were not yet born then.

You see, there are other similarly voices today calling for the end of the Jewish people and of the nation of Israel. Right now. Today.

There are still other voices today calling for the end of the American people and of the nation of the United States of America. Right now. Today.

Both sets of voices are from political leaders with large followings who have demonstrated the ability and willingness to kill large numbers of people efficiently.

Have you ever been to Auschwitz?

You should go.

May we never go.

Holocaust Remembrance Day. Do you remember?

How They Linger...

Precious memories...

Lisa & I went to hang w/ my brother & his wife & daughter this weekend. Had a total blast! But that's not what this entry is about. (well, except that we added to our list of precious memories...)

Unseen angels sent from somewhere to my soul...

It was what Highway 80 does every time I drive it. More precisely, what the places along Highway 80 do to me every time I pass them.

How they linger ever near me...

First, there's the the beautiful land along this road through central Alabama. Over & against the land's God-given beauty are the multiple homesites now rotting. Stu Webber, a writer who has had a huge impact on my life & walk with Christ--and who every male needs to read!--describes such abandoned, falling down places as the ruins of a lost mini-civilization. Since reading that description, I always try to imagine those homesites when they were occupied...

And the sacred scenes unfold...

Then one drives right through Selma, AL. A historical city, mostly for the horror of what happened on the Edmund Pettis bridge back in the 60s. (We drove across that bridge just today). But Selma resonates with me for a different reason. Just off of 80 as one comes into town is a collection of old, small houses. One of those houses was the last earthly address of two simple country folks, in the absolute highest & best & most complimentary sense of "simple" & "country." Their names were Charlie & Mattie. I never really knew Charlie, as he passed when I was just 1. There is a picture of Charlie & his grownup son holding me that I treasure. Mattie, I knew quite well & loved/love dearly. Her life & laugh & faith matter greatly to many, but particularly to me. Charlie & Mattie's last name? Madaris. My Grandma & Grandpa. Today as we detoured past the old house, there were truly many "sacred scenes unfolding" in the theater of my memory. It used to be the case that when I drove past after Grandma's passing it brought only sadness & tears. Today, it brought only joy & smiles.

Precious memories, how they linger...

Just back up 80 is Elkdale Baptist Church. Grandma was a faithful member. She regularly used to walk the few blocks to get there on Sundays. (Mattie never had a driver's license) Hers was an amazing faith that was rock solid, despite a pretty tough life. She became the "Mom" figure to her younger siblings around age 12 when her own mother was admitted to the mental hospital from which she never returned. Mattie buried her Charlie. She lost children very young, and not so very young, including her second son James. And yet, through the challenges, Mattie's faith only seemed to strengthen. For which I am *most* grateful.

How they ever flood my soul...

A couple of miles up the road is where Charlie & Mattie's daughter Evelyn lived with her husband & their son Joe. Aunt Evelyn & Uncle Joe's place was the scene of many a Madaris family gathering. Which meant football in the front yard, exploring the creek in the back yard, avoiding snakes in the woods, riding horses, dirt clod fights, lots of food, board games, & lots of laughter. Aunt Evelyn is one of several of Charlie & Mattie's kids whose faith stands as a shining beacon, drawing those of us who are following along behind & showing us what deep, abiding faith in Christ looks like. She's there now waiting, in the land of the eternal hello. (Related aside: cancer sucks!) Can't wait to hear her marvelous laugh again, and to sing the hymns with her beautiful voice there beside me.

In the stillness of the midnight, precious sacred scenes unfold...

Just a few miles east of Selma is the turnoff that takes one to downtown Dutch Bend, AL, which is sort of a suburb of Braggs in Lowndes County. Braggs is more or less the anchor pole of Charlie & Mattie's family's journey, although as a sawmill worker, they moved around a bit. In my day, their older son Charles, Jr. lived there with his family. It is one of my favorite places on the globe, as their place was one of my favorite places to visit as a kid & also as a confused, angry teen. Going there always made me somewhat less angry. Uncle Jr. & Aunt Nell knew how to make boys have a whale of a good time and how to make us laugh. Hunting, fishing, working with the cows, riding dirt bikes,...precious sacred scenes indeed! Uncle Jr. is also there waiting in the land of the eternal hello. Poetically, he entered eternity on one of the very few times I ever knew of him going hunting by himself (most of the time, he was trying to make sure his city-folk nephews got to shoot @ the deer & doves & quail.) Thankfully, Aunt Nell is still around & is a "facebook friend" of mine, in addition to a beloved Aunt.

And old home scenes of my childhood in fond memory appear...

Farther along 80 is Montgomery, AL, which is where this couple I know used to live as young married folks. He worked on the newspaper as a typesetter, and she taught school. Their second son was born there, and is sitting in this chair & typing this blog entry right now.

As I travel on life's pathway knowing not what the years may hold...

Somewhere in Montgomery is a Baptist church. There was a newly-married Sunday School class there in the late 1950s. They hung out, encouraged one another, rocked each other's babies, prayed together, and tried to work through what a Christian marriage was like. I'm so very thankful, for I lived the fruit of their co-laboring for the first 15 years of my life under the roof of one of those couples.

As I ponder, hope grows fonder...

Between Montgomery & Prattville is the "Hank Williams Lost Highway" memorial stretch of I-65. (Hank's buried in Montgomery). I mention this because Hank was a favorite of all of these folks I've been talking about. The last Christmas present I ever bought my Dad--and the only one I actually remember--was an 8-track of Hank's Greatest Hits; I wound up giving it to his brother, Uncle Jr. after Dad's homegoing. I still love me some Hank; smiling right now as I remember this dashingly-handsome country boy from Braggs, AL singing "Hey, Good Lookin'" to his sweetie in the car while their sons giggled in the back seat.

Precious memories flood my soul.

As mentioned earlier, most of these markers for me have in the past brought forth many a tear. Friday night and this afternoon, it was all smiles & thanksgiving. As the old hymn says, "when we all get to heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be! When we all see Jesus, we'll sing and shout the victory!"

Precious memories...flood...my...soul.

Debriefing 2010

Here's a nearly-random list of highlights, lowlights, & things learned in 2010. I know you're excited...

--Having parts of 2 ribs surgically removed is not as much fun as it sounds.

--The recovery from the above is much longer than the previous two lung surgeries.

--"Your P.E.T. scans are perfect" is one of the greatest sentences ever uttered in the English language.

--Studying, teaching in Sunday School, and hearing sermons on Galatians for 13 weeks is an *amazing* and transforming experience. I'll never be the same.

--Studying for the CFA II exam is much more challenging @ 51 than studying for the CFA I exam was @ 32...*sigh*

--I *love* to read. (Not a new revelation; just yet another confirmation)

--I like to learn new things. Well, mostly.

--One of the great things about the professor gig is that it allows/encourages/demands both of the above.

--I'll never get tired of seeing my alma mater winning the football national championship, even after watching them do so either 7 or 8 times in my years on earth. (can't remember; too lazy to look it up rt now)

--Defense wins championships. Still true, even in this age of flag-football-like offenses. Relatedly, as one of Coach Bryant's assistants once said, "Dancing is a contact sport; football's a hitting sport." Give me smashmouth football all day, on both sides of the ball.

--When my team loses 9 starters on defense, a tight end, & 2 O Linemen, and still goes 10-3 with 6 teams having had an off week before playing us, I'd say we're in a pretty good place.

--Despite the previous three points, I think I am *finally* getting to the point where wins don't make my week, and losses don't break my week. No doubt, I want to win them all, but there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ULTIMATE that's determined by the actions of 160 or so 18-22 year old guys on Saturday afternoon. (or older guys on Sunday afternoon & Monday night, for that matter)

--Relatedly, I was genuinely able to root for the UT Vols in their game, for example, and was disappointed when that wild game ended w/ a UT loss. Also, I was able congratulate my Auburn & LSU & USC-east friends when their team beat mine, and really mean it. Granted, this was a very strange sensation to this lifelong Bama fan (which is sad for me...but at least there's progress on the "proper perspective" front).

--I like it this way, where my friends & my witness for Christ are more important than the outcome of a game. And I deeply regret that it has taken this long to get to this perspective.

--Perhaps there will come a day when I can watch the PCS Bobcats play a football game without choking up with a deep longing to see big #75 strap 'em on one more time. But that day has not arrived yet. (#75 is a handsome fellow; a future pharmacist, who looks a lot like a bigger, stronger, more athletic, smarter, better looking version of me. My favorite football player of all time.)

--Perhaps there will come a day when I can watch the PCS Bobcats play a basketball game without choking up with a deep longing to chat & laugh & pray & cry & eat a Zips burger with my friend, former PCS Head Coach Mark Bryan again. But that day has not arrived yet either. R.I.P., Coach!

--I can still smell the after-shave, & feel the scruff of a 5 o'clock shadow of James E. Madaris, and I still miss him with an absolutely palpable "missing."

--26.5 years of marriage goes by in a very quick hurry...And I am so much more passionately & hopelessly & wonderfully in love with my Bama coed now than I was 26.5 years ago that the comparison is hardly worth making.

--I'm now sitting under some wonderfully consistent, in-depth, Spirit-empowered preaching. I'm so thankful...

--Relatedly, expository preaching through books of the Bible is, by FAR, my preferred type of preaching.

--Aslan is on the move. (Thank you, C.S. Lewis, for that wonderful analogy! Based on all I see/hear/read, it's very descriptive of what's going on right now.)

--The Web & all of its trinkets & apps is an incredible tool...or an incredible time waster. I've used it as both.

--This is a fascinating and very challenging time to be teaching Economics & Finance.

--Riding a bike on Longleaf Trace is BY FAR the most fun fitness/exercise thing I've EVER done. And if--as earlier today--I can do that with the most beautiful coed ever to come through the University of Alabama, so much the better.

--I love my job. And folks I work alongside. (Also not a new one; just a reconfirmation)

--I love where we live. And yet, every time I go down to Mom & Leo's I still wonder why I don't live back down there.

--The best thing about Facebook & Twitter is the chance to re-connect with friends from back in the day that I had let fall by the wayside.

--I have two *fascinating* children, whose company I *VERY* much enjoy.

--Those who refuse to participate in the political process are doomed to be governed by their inferiors. (Winston Churchill, paraphrased)

--So much more could be said. And likely will (you should see my "unpublished drafts" section of this blog...).


bb

A New Year Thought...But Not Mine

Lord, you have been our dwelling place in all generations.

Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever you had formed the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God.

You return man to dust and say, “Return, O children of man!”

For a thousand years in your sight are but as yesterday when it is past, or as a watch in the night.

You sweep them away as with a flood; they are like a dream, like grass that is renewed in the morning:

in the morning it flourishes and is renewed; in the evening it fades and withers.

So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.

Return, O Lord! How long? Have pity on your servants!

Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.

Let your work be shown to your servants, and your glorious power to their children.

Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us, and establish the work of our hands upon us; yes, establish the work of our hands!

Psalm 90:1-6, 12-14, 16-17

("A Prayer of Moses, the Man of God ")

Happy 2011!

bb

Grace in the Darkness

Having just pondered here a season of darkness for me, I wanted to illustrate how those days were not *all* dark. With a head fake too; you've been warned...*smile*

Almost immediately after renouncing my faith (or trying to...) some friends in town showed up within just a couple of days. It was *very* awkward for them; what does one say when tragedy has struck a family & you walk into it? Here's what they said: "Um...uh...so...we're going to hang out...wanna go?" I recall looking @ Mom, & seeing her smile & say "you should go." So I did. I can't tell you how absolutely great that gesture was, & how much it meant...means...to me. I have no recollection of exactly where we went or what we did; I just remember being amazed at how much fun it was just to hang out & do normal stuff again. Basically, a reminder that life goes on, even when we don't really see how it could.

These guys were just some of many HS friends who stepped up large in December, 1974, and during the weeks & months after. Beach trips. Concerts. Waterskiing. Meals. Ice cream. Pranks. (both on me, and with me as a participant). Yards rolled. (Guilty! And we were pretty good at it, I must say.)

Some of those HS friends then are still friends now, and I remain ever more grateful for their friendship & encouragement then and now. I am still rather amazed that so many would hang with an angry, confused, self-centered, flaming...jerk like me back then.

Basically, those friends helped me see that, though it seemed the world went gray in 12/14/74 when Dad died, it really hadn't changed. There was still laughter & beauty & fun & music &...(etc.) An invaluable blessing to me back then.

One of those guys actually went on to room w/ me in Broward Hall @ U. of FL. We had a blast, despite me being perhaps the worst roommate in the world. A couple of others also went to UF. Unlike me, they all got it done in the classroom part. But they helped me laugh & learn & have a blast & keep on recovering & moving forward. Thanks, Jim...Barry...Cyndy...Rick...

Fraternity. I learned so very much there, much of it good & valuable info to know. (Well, some things, not so valuable...but the valuable stuff was great!) The good stuff learned was endurance...patience...getting along with others...pursuing a common purpose...discipline (for me a latent piece of knowledge, but it started there in the LXA house)...sacrifice for the good of another. (I still remember one guy tying another guy's shoes every morning, because the one guy had crippling arthritis.) And of course, I learned a lot about good music.

As a related aside...One guy is an IT type down in S. FL...another is an aerospace engineer...another teaches engineering in college part-time when his full-time gig as TX Instruments allows...another is an accountant in GA...another is a senior guy w/ one of the Federal financial institution regulatory agencies. (Among other success stories from my friends back then; I'm proud to be associated w/ those guys!) And some are still in contact & are friends today, after all these years.

Enjoyment of college sports. I already did, but it was elevated there, despite some epic-ly awful Gator teams. The football record one year was 0-10-1...brutal. And I still loved the games!

Scuba diving. Got certified @ this w/ yet another fraternity brother. Which led to some of the coolest life experiences ever! Ginnie Springs...the Manatees' home harbor down there in SW FL...diving off Key Largo...

Junior college. Academic redemption. For the first time in a *long* time, I discovered that I could, in fact, succeed in the classroom as a student. Went to juco w/ a friend who, like me, needed to re-boot his academic life. He now a retired military officer with a Master's degree, and is one of the senior managers of a hospital system in south FL.

Alabama. Roomed w/ my cousin Gary. By which I mean, he & I shared a room in an apt. Again, I was likely the world's worst roommate, and yet Gary hung out me & loved me & demonstrated faith to me by the way he lived. And there were others, who showed me how to have a *blast* without getting intoxicated. (Sadly, that was a big revelation for me.)

Plus, there was this coed who lived upstairs across the breezeway...26.5 years ago, she put a ring on my finger in a small church in SW AL.

The college & young adult class @ Hopewell Baptist Church. The pastor, Billy Austin. I started singing the hymns again (see previous entry for back story). The young marrieds class @ First Baptist Church. The pastor, Rick Lance (now director of Alabama Baptists). *Great* preaching! Richard & Lori, our Sunday School teachers. Don Bennett, Director of the Baptist Student Union.

The three professors @ UA that I've written about in this space before.

Just a sampling of countless bits of grace I received...

So, you see, even in the midst of great spiritual darkness, there were grace notes added to the symphony of my life, as God wooed me back to Himself. I would not have chosen the path, but I now cherish it. And *that* is how I can sing w/ the southern Gospel song "I wouldn't take nothin' for my journey now."

I am so very blessed, and was during those 10 years of denying it. I am so grateful for the people & places & events of those years. I am so very humbled by the love & grace they showed me.

And now for the head fake. Read back through this. Think it was about me or about people & circumstances from back in the day? Think again. While I am eternally grateful for the people and for those events & circumstances, this entry was really about you & your future. Notice in these examples how VERY easy it is to be a huge blessing & grace note in the hands of the Master Composer in someone else's live. Go thou & do likewise!

Thankful for much grace in the darkness...and in the light,
bb

Darkness...and Light

36 years ago today, I abandoned the Christian faith.

It was right after we got home from Dad's funeral. (Dad died of a heart attack as a young 47-year-old)

I snuck out into the back yard, and literally shook my fist at the sky. I said "God, if this is what you're about, I quit! Leave me alone!"

And wandered in a spiritual desert for the next 10 years or so. I'll not elaborate on the details; suffice it to say that I truly lived up to (or down to?) my sin nature.

I was deeply hurt, terribly confused, and quite bitter about Dad's death, and I buried myself in arrogant, selfish immaturity, both spiritually and generally.

I stayed angry at God & at life. How in the world anyone would hang out w/ me back then, I don't know. And how in the round world this beautiful Alabama coed would go out with me multiple times and then accept a marriage proposal from me in the midst of that darkness...grace notes that threaten to overwhelm the entire score!

And yet...right there in the midst of my pouting funk, God kept on dropping grace notes into my life. People...circumstances...and little by little, He drew me back on course. (Yeah...there's quite a long story there...)

When I moved to Tuscaloosa, I would occasionally go to church with Aunt Daisy & Uncle George. Mostly, I went because she'd feed me some great home cooking after...but I went. She told me years later, "Mike, you were so angry that you wouldn't even sing the hymns!" It pains me to see an image of that dear, sweet lady holding a hymnal up so both of us could read it, and then watching me just stare at the words. (I am so very thankful that Aunt Daisy later saw me sing the hymns...and even co-lead the family worship at the reunion!)

Have you ever tried to hug a 3-year-old who didn't want to be hugged? For about 10 years, I was that 3-year-old, rejecting the loving embraces of my heavenly Father.

Basically, I slowly & surely realized a few things: 1) I was a whiny-baby, moping around in the midst of great folks & circumstances. 2) I was receiving grace beyond measure (see, beautiful Alabama coed, for starters). 3) I was like Simba in the Lion King; I was "Mufasa's boy" but had forgotten who I was. 4) The arguments I was making against Christianity were becoming more frantic, as I realized how hollow they were (are!). 5) As Petra once sang, "you can walk 10,000 steps away, but it's always only 1 step back..." 6) I had some work to do, first on Mike Madaris, and then for the King of the Universe. 7) The grace of God demonstrated in Christ's atonement--for me!--is such that words fail, and I have to just exclaim with Paul, "Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God!" (Romans 11:33)

Paul wrote my life story many years ago. Please read this next part slowly.

And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.
Ephesians 2:1-3

(2 of the most significant words in all of Scripture to me personally: "But God...")

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. Ephesians 2:4-7

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.
Ephesians 2:8-9

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them…But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.
Ephesians 2:10, 13

I am so thankful for these truths, and for so many more. Just two more here:

Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions;
according to your steadfast love remember me,
for the sake of your goodness, O Lord!
Psalm 25:7

(Quite the prayer there, huh? I am so thankful that He chooses to not remember my sins, but to remember ME. Amazing grace!)

I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand.
John 10:28-29

(Long a precious passage to me, as I spent some years trying to jump from His hand...so very thankful now that He didn't let me...)

So on this day, I remember the self-inflicted darkness that began 12/16/74. And I absolutely rejoice & celebrate that the end of that darkness did indeed come.

...a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light...
1 Peter 2:9b

As the old gospel song says, "I wouldn't take nothing for my journey now!"

Celebrating the season of the Light that shines in the darkness, (John 1:5)
Mike

I wonder what went through his mind on this night 36 years ago...

Did he have an inkling that it would be his last night in which eternity was but a dream & a promise out there in the future? The last night in which this world would be all he knew of reality? The last night before meeting his Savior face to face and hearing those magnificent words “Well done, good & faithful servant!”?

I wonder if he pondered the greatness of God, before Whom he would stand the next night. Probably so; a favorite hymn of his was “In the Garden”—“And He walks with me, and He talks with me, and He tells me I am His own…”

Did he think about his sons’ future lives? Somehow, I think he did, for he thought of that often. I wonder if God’s grace gave him a glimpse of daughters-in-law…and of 5 grandchildren…whose life journeys would forever be inexorably linked to his, despite their having never met him.

Did he think about his beloved wife’s future? I ‘spect he did this too, for he was a man who loved her much and who thought often about what he could to provide for and shape that future.

Did he think about finishing the race & keeping the faith? Overwhelming evidence from the previous 47 years (his lifespan) suggests that he did.

Did he think about the gigantic hole his passing would leave in the lives of so many? I’m sure he had thought of that now & then, as ours is a family that knows how to live life well and how to deal with its end. Regrettably, we have a good bit of experience with that “ending” part. He had that experience too. However, no 47-year-old spends too much time thinking of his own life’s end.

Did he think of Christmas & the Incarnation & family & how all of those seem intertwined? I think so, for on this night 36 years ago, he & his family decorated the tree and fired up the music of the season. He absolutely deplored the ever-lengthening “Christmas season” as cheapening the meaning of itself. Thus, the tree went up about two weeks before Christmas, & never earlier.

Whatever his thoughts on Dec. 13, 1974, mine on the thirty-six Dec. 13’s since have always focused on him. And on the overwhelming influence the 15 ½ years we shared on earth and the 36 years since continue to have on pretty much the totality of my own life and faith and family. And how hard I still miss him on an almost-daily basis. Especially tonight, as I ponder the 36th anniversary of my Daddy's sudden entrance into glory.

And thus, I both love and hate staring at the Christmas tree here late in the evening on Dec. 13…

bb